And breathe.......

Hi there. I'll not lie, when I read the post I was gutted for you. It's obvious to see you really want to kick this addiction into touch. At least you didn't disappear from the forum like so many have done after a relapse (myself included).

You need all the help and support you can get. I strongly recommend GA as for me it's changed my whole outlook on life not just gambling. Give it a go what is there to lose?

Your head will be all over the place today so you don't need me rambling on. Just know I understand where you are right now, all CG's will.

All the best

To be honest I did feel like running and hiding. I don't know you guys so what do I owe you,I could just leave and that would be that. The thing is everyone is on here for the same reason and I respect each and everyone of you especially those who stop by and offer words of advice or encouragement. I let everyone down and I let the people in here down. You guys are great and I feel like I let us all down. This addiction is awful it just takes and takes and takes. I have s few tough days ahead but I have to start somewhere right? Thanks for your comments Sam I really appreciate it.

Counselling arranged for next week. I'm not looking for an easy way out I know this will require hardwork and dedication but I'll stick to it. I think it'll help me deal with other issues as well which might be connected who knows. Its not with GA it's with another local addiction organisation and I had a couple of sessions before so they know a bit of my back story and I feel comfortable. Right now I feel ashamed that it's came to this and feel weak,I mean I'm a guy who likes his sport and enjoys a drink etc who is no shrinking violet as they say but yet I can't stop playing what is essentially a stupid Wee game with a spinning wheel and a ball! People say uch just stop it or that's enough eh and they don't understand. I'm an addict and I don't understand. Still feels weird typing those 3 words "I'm an addict" It shouldn't feel weird as I've known it for ages but hey ho. I still have this idea in my head that I'm a loser and only wasters are compulsive gamblers not employed family men with loads of mates like me but the thing is that's exactly who the addicts are and I'm definitely one of them. Reading the diaries on here prove that this disease affects a large scale of people and I hate it! It's very much part of the British culture 🙁 anyway I'm sorry for rambling on sometimes you start and out it comes. Thanks for stopping by x

Hi there nb , Look youv'e probably heard this a thousand times but don't be too harsh on yourself , weve all been sitting a one point or another with those feelings and you know they'll pass with time , sure you feel like a loser in life , we all do every single time we've said we'll stop only to give in to temptation again and again , gambling has no demographics and is not choosy in the way it selects it's prey , I kidded myself for years that a good Casino or Fobt win would be so life changing but as we all know it never happens and any winnings are just more ammunition to gamble with , I've won fair amounts but can honestly say I have nothing to show for it , so that speaks volumes ?.

I'm just coming up to a year gamble free and as soon as I got to day 2 I was in uncharted teritory , I just plod along nicely these days knowing that I can never go back to that dark place again also accepting that I'm not going to chase the losses anymore .

You seem to have a plan and as always just do what works for you .

I wish you well and hope to speak with you soon .

Best wishes Alan

Hi Alan thanks for your comments, honesty and advice and well done on your upcoming year! Awesome! Your right when you say about actually winning. I couldn't tell you the last time I had a large win I've just been feeding the beast. I ultimately have nothing to show for my years of gambling other than debt! So I start again hoping that this is the time it works for me,this is the time I reclaim my life,this is the time I say goodbye to Mr G. If I can take any positives from my relapse it's that I've closed the last available door to gamble and I've identified a couple of triggers but for now I'm still in the self pitying phase. That'll pass and I'll get on with the rest of my life,I have to much going for me to let this addiction win! Cheers

You've said your cure yourself, Your one year old son alone will be the vital reason you need to kick the habit. Why not think of something strategic tonight and plan something with him / Your partner (I'm assuming you have one) and then set money down and pay a deposit, whether it's a holiday away or even just a weekend break. If your setting yourself a goal what you know will enlighten your little boy then that will give you the motivation to save up and go ahead with it.

People do relapse and that's the hard reality of an 'addiction' ... You have to be super strong willed to go absolute cold turkey and not even think of wonder about gambling... But again you can do it, not for yourself not for anyone else but for your little lad.

Regards, All the best

Your spot on mate this isn't about me anymore this is about my son and my step daughter,my missus and our future together as a family. That in its self should be motivation enough! We're actually booked to go away in November so that's my first target to get to there gf!

New beginning wrote:

Your spot on mate this isn't about me anymore this is about my son and my step daughter,my missus and our future together as a family. That in its self should be motivation enough! We're actually booked to go away in November so that's my first target to get to there gf!

Exactly. Don't do anything to jeopardise your special time away. It's not even worth it in the long run you save up and enjoy your time away buddy

Thanks Michael. As you can imagine I'm feeling feeling pretty rotten today so appreciate words of encouragement as believe me I'm beating myself up enough today. You and Alan have helped more than you know already. Cheers

New beginning wrote:

Thanks Michael. As you can imagine I'm feeling feeling pretty rotten today so appreciate words of encouragement as believe me I'm beating myself up enough today. You and Alan have helped more than you know already. Cheers

Anytime. The feeling is awful i know, I can absolutely relate myself it's a hideous horrendous feeling but why not go out for tea or go to the shop buy some food and cook for your family tonight to 1) Keep you occupied and 2) show your family even though the tough times, You still care unconditionally

The beginning of a new day! Didn't sleep much last night a mixture of guilt and trying to do some carol vorderman style sums to work out how to pay things. I'm a very positive upbeat person I'm sure I'll be back to normal in no time just feel as though I've had the wind punched out of me at the moment. Off out to watch some footy today and catch up with a mate the world keeps turning. It won't be long till I build those gf days up again,first target is to go a week gf. Small steps one day at a time. Have a great gf weekend x

Had a chat with my sister about things she is my rock. Was good to open up,I had one or two things at the back of my mind that stopped me from putting plans into place but she cleared that up for me. Feeling pretty positive now I've got my counselling next week and contacted a debt management charity regarding my gambling legacy. I have more plastic than Jordan's boobs lol my wages were solely going to service my debt and me and my partner just argued about money. To hopefully get an affordable repayment plan in place will let me breath again and not think that if I get that one big win it'll help. Hopefully I'll embrace the changes in my life over the next few days,weeks as a positive and won't look back but for now it's slow and steady. First target is a week. X

Sorry to hear of your skip mate. Keep fighting, the future without gambling is definitely going to be a better one. Hope you have a nice weekend with the family without contributing to Mr G's weekend.

Cheers ND appreciate you stopping by 🙂