And breathe.......

Ha ha thanks it's worse when I find my son is away playing with his toys and I'm sat glued to Mr tumble or Go Jetters lol

Hi Samson you don't need to apologise for anything the forum is here for people to tell there stories and give advice and support. I'm sorry if I was a bit short with you I'm currently on crutches and suffering from sciatica so maybe not the most tolerant lol I was just trying to say that I've read the cash out story several times and this is clearly holding you back. No one has a set time scale for dealing with these matters and in many ways it's like a grieving process. I think if you focus on getting a job and a routine this will help. Like the majority of people on here you seem like a nice guy who's just struggling a bit with this horrible addiction. Thanks for stopping by I wish you well 🙂

Aaaaaaaarrrggghhhhhhhh! Don't worry I haven't relapsed just figured it was better to come on here and ramble than do something else! Ordered something from Amazon which was supposed to arrive last week and hasn't and I have been charged so I left negative feedback and now the seller just phoned asking me to remove it as it may hurt his business! And breathe........ Lol wasn't a lot of money and he said he'd refund me and replace the item,so I said that's great and I'll update my feedback but until I get a refund/replacement then it stays. So between lost deliveries, being on crutches and suffering from sciatica at the moment I guess these things are sent to try us eh Was looking at the future and there's a lot of work to do (mostly financial) but once I have a plan in place I'll feel so much better just got to talk it through with someone but that'll be done this week. Got counselling tomorrow so I guess I'm feeling a little anxious about that. I know this is an important part of my recovery and most importantly maintaining it. I guess there's always that sort of stigma though that it's for weak people who can't man up,but it depends what way you look at it right? I mean surely it shows more strength to accept help and admit it and embrace the recovery? Anyway my heads spinning a little today due to lack of sleep,pain killers and a million thoughts of what if. Oh well I'm still gf and have a holiday in 7 1/2 weeks to look forward to. Onwards and upwards,thanks for letting me ramble diary. I can do this x

FWIW, I agree that facing your fears is much harder than running away!

As for the Amazon stuff...I did exactly the same with a delivery! A family member Whatsapp'd when it arrived & that timed @ 0700 hours the night after I was assured that if they waited up (gone midnight) it would be delivered on the instructed day (think the Sat Nav assumes that everyone driving in Cornwall is a local)! Off I went on one, promptly getting it removed when the van black box print out was sent to me (oops - embarrassed face)! When my latest purchase (a RARE white salt lamp) turned up in the usual orangey colour, I went straight to the seller instead...Lo, an apology & they are sending me the correct product, no need to return the one I have. Maybe I should have shared this before but who was I to know someone else may have benefited from my outrage...Soz!

Accepting you are beat makes you honest & that's something to be proud of. Go to your counselling with your head held high, (if you were dangling over a cliff & someone reached out a hand, you wouldn't feel the need to risk your life climbing up yourself)! You can do this - ODAAT

It's amazing how I could waste hundreds of pounds on a fobt and not bother but a few pounds at Amazon is a different matter lol I learned an important lesson on here before and it's about restablishing the value of money. I used to think it was all about winning hundreds or thousands of pounds but the actual important thing is your time and showing others you care. I don't need to think about winning that pot of gold instead just grabbing a coffee with my missus or taking my son for a walk or being able to give my step daughter £10 to buy a vinyl album (she's 14 I thought it was all digital lol ) mean so much more. The money will return slowly.My urges to win big still lurk in the shadows but I'm learning to shed light on them and reevaluate things,I'm getting there and I feel so happy about it. Thanks for stopping by ODAAT was a lovely Wee boost. Here's to another day gf

So up early with my son this morning watching raa raa the noisey lion,he was sick last night but seems fine this morning and looking for his breakfast lol This bout of sciatica is really annoying me. As well as the physical pain it's just a nuisance trying to get about,it's hard enough being on crutches but this is just another thing to add to the list! Anyway I went back to counselling yesterday was good to have a chat and get things moving. I think there's always an urge to see our gf days quickly shoot up and it can be slightly soul destroying when it's nowhere near you thought it was. The sheer speed I got gratification from playing fobts meant that I'm not the most patient of people but I'm more understanding towards the process this time and I think for me it's about getting my blocks installed and counselling etc and just feeling good about myself. As much as I have made an **** of it I'm feeling better about myself and the gf days will surely follow. Anyway I'm off to take some strong prescription drugs and watch the teletubbies (there on the tv it's not a side effect of the pain killers lol) here's to a gf weekend stay strong people we can do this x

Hi nb, hope the sciatica clears up and you're back on your feet without the need of crutches soon. Sometimes it feels like our resilience is being tested with these obstacles in the way but never worry, obstacles are there to be overcome.

Glad to see the counselling is helping. I know what you mean about wanting the GF days to shoot up quickly, that's like everything with us CG's, we want everything now or yesterday if it were possible! The world is moving fast enough without us trying to keep up. Slow down, relax and take it one day at a time. Keep enjoying time with the kids, it's precious beyond comprehension.

All the best

Hey Sam thanks for stopping by 🙂 when did you get so profound? Lol yeah I know what you mean about wishing my life away. Just hobbled in and had a nice warm shower and a bit of lunch and the world seems like a better place already! Hope your journey is progressing well mate enjoy your weekend,one day at a time 😉

Hi nb hope all is still going well with you? Still on the crutches? I've had to use them a few times in the past myself so I know how you feel in that regard. The GF days are ticking along nicely for you!

All the best

Hey Sam I'm still on crutches but improving all the time.Not missing my work in the slightest and I still get paid so I don't need to worry in that respect of things. I still feel very positive and no real gambling urges to be honest,that's not to say that they won't come around but I still have all my blocks in place so my contact with roulette or fobts is pretty much non existent. Wish I had done this years ago but it is what it is. I'm still trying to sort through my financial mess but hopefully I'll get there sooner rather than later. My missus has been saving up and we're off on holiday in November so just focusing on that. With a few money worries recently it put some strain on us but it'll be good plus I'll get to hit the pool with my son! 🙂 After that it's head down and just graft away. My gf days are ticking along nicely now but to be honest I don't check them I just want to be a non gambler regardless of days. Anyway I fear I'm prattling on a bit here so I'll shut up lol hope your still motoring along Sam I think we're similar in attitude and I know your a good man so I'm pretty sure your still on track 🙂

Yes mate still on the wagon and no intention of getting off! Something to look forward to (holiday) with the family, fair play to you. Good to see you're still going strong and keeping it simple 🙂

So another day another dollar. Still off work which I don't mind as I'd rather get paid to watch tv than work but I'm on the mend slowly, the only downside about having this much time to myself is it gives you loads of thinking time which can be a positive thing but human nature being what it is you can also think about regrets and where you are in life. Like I've said before I'm a positive person and always trying to focus on where I'm going and not where I've been but I guess I'm just in a reflective mood today and thinking about what ifs...... Still I'm sure it'll pass. I've not been on the forum or chat as much as I was at first but I think that's because of my "stop gambling euphoria" has died down a little and I'm trying to just plod along. I think the realisation also dawned on me that my life has changed forever but I'm ok with it. Took a bit of getting used to and is daily process but it's for the best because if I didn't this horrible addiction would've kept going until I was finished. Whilst I'm in this reflective mood I'm also trying to give myself a tiny pat on the back for making positive changes and steps in my life and to sort things out both emotionally and financially as I guess as cg's it's easier to beat ourselves up right? But hey we're here and we're fighting and god knows we're trying! Yeah we made a decision to gamble but now we're making one to stop. I wish everyone strength for the road ahead,tomorrow is not guaranteed so enjoy it while your here one day at a time x

Hmmmmm woke up in a bit of a funk this morning. The reason? I had a very vivid dream about gambling. I was playing the old style fobts in the bookies where you kind of stood over the top of the screen. It was very vivid and I remember thinking how I snuck in even though I'm self excluded and I was thinking as I spun the wheel I shouldn't be doing this etc I don't remember the outcome of my sleep time adventure but I felt as though I could press the screen and my heart was racing. It was a mixture of feelings,thinking I shouldn't do this to come on you can win but the pleasing thing was even though it was a dream I knew it was wrong and it really felt wrong and disgusting really. Just felt that it went against everything I stand for now. This probably won't make any sense to anyone or maybe not even to me as I ramble on but that's what my diary is for. The tiny feeling of guilt has gone (even though it was just a dream) but maybe this is just my subconscious serving a timely reminder of me bragging about not really having any urges of no dealings with fobts,who knows but one thing I do know is Mr gamble is still lurking in there waiting on his chance to take advantage so I've got to keep my blocks in place and keep doing what I'm doing even if that means coming on here and talking nonsense for a bit. Everything helps! Stay strong people one day at a time x

It's a tricky one alright,you know the feeling of pride for not having gambled for almost a month but tinged with the anxiety of payday coming up. I got to roughly the same scenario last time and had a relapse but this time is different as I have no access to a bookies or online. Got plans just to get up early and pay my bills etc also organising stuff to keep me busy at the weekend. Kinda sucks having to live like this but the alternative is unthinkable and I'm sure it'll be fine once I'm in the routine and can actually start enjoying life and doing stuff with my family.As for gambling still not had many urges as I've continued to avoid fobts and roulette apart from my dream I mentioned however I was up late the other night and super casino was on so I watched one spin of the ball and it landed on a number I never bet so I just kinda laughed to myself and thought there's more proof I never can win lol anyway hope you all have a good day and I wish you strength to keep fighting x

Good morning nb. Addiction is always there lurking in the background ready to stike at a moments notice but it will get easier to stem off the further you go into recovery and stay off a bet. It's payday for me but doesn't really mean that much to me anymore as most of it is used for bills and necessities.

You are doing well trying to do all the right things. The urges will come again so be ready for them and do whatever necessary to stay off a bet. Log your thoughts on here or call a friend as you said it's way better than the alternative.

All the best