And breathe.......

Hi New beginning,

sorry to hear about your lapse, and sorry to hear you are feeling low about it. I appreciate it feels like a real blow. Blips happen, that is part of the process. The key is how you deal with a blip. You are normal, it is just that sometimes we are all not 100% able to stick to our plan. This doesn't mean your work up until now has been for nothing. You have made the effort to come on the Forum and talk about it, that is a good sign. I appreciate it wasn't easy. Maybe it would be a good idea to call the Helpline or the Netline, to speak to an adviser and analyse the situation. So you can learn from what happened, and avoid the same outcome in the future.

Keep up the good work, and make sure this lapse doesn't turn in to a relapse.

All the best,

Forum Admin

Hi New

A relapse feels S****y but do not let that take you down !

I wonder if because everything was starting to feel normal and settled your barriers came down ?

Gambling addiction is life long and it is a manipulative addiction sneaking up on us when least expected.

Stay close to your diary.

Sending some positive thought your way, you can do this

Hey thanks for your comments i kind of agree that maybe i thought i was "cured" or i guess i took my eye off the ball. Lesson learned 🙁 As normally happens when i or anyone has had a relapse i have spent the past hours analysing my mistake and why it happened and why i let it happened. I found myself wih extra cash and worryingly my mind drifted back to gambling and as usual the dreaded rouelette and soon my money was spinning out of control as quick as the wheel was spinning. Over the past few months i have came so far so i'm trying to focus on the positives and steps i have made and not beat myself up to much as i'll only use the self pity as an excuse to gamble. Was thinking about a few things as i headed into work and that i have a good job which pays decent money but i have little to show for it. I do not want or intend this to be my legacy,myself and my family deserve so much more! So yeah i slipped up and i hate myself for it but i have a renewed vigour and fire inside that i blooming well deserve more and so does my family! Barriers are in place,triggers identified and lets do this! I have wasted to much money and time in bookies and in a haze than i care to count but i got to over 150 days last time gamble free,i can do this! One day at at time

So still haven't gambled after my small relapse and my gf time is still very much in its infancy but today I feel like I have been given my life back and now it's the beginning! Had various issues with debt and it's constant increasing in size etc threatening phone calls,emails letters etc etc but now have a repayment scheme in place and I can only see a brighter happier future. The thing about being a compulsive gambler is we rack up debt or spend money we're not supposed to and in my case I was always robbing peter to pay Paul and thinking about getting that problem solving big money win which never came and never would. In reality I was throwing good money after bad and getting myself in deeper but now I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. It will take several years to pay off my accrued debt and I'm totally fine with that as I'm working and have a good job. This is the point in my life where I can see a brighter happier future and I intend to embrace it with both hands,one day at a time!

So it’s been some time since I’ve been on here and things have been going well.I started gambling again but it was only small amounts and it seemed to be ok but recently the amounts and speed at which I lost money was increasing.Financially I still have my debt repayment scheme in place and I’m chipping away at it but this month I’ll probably have to borrow a couple of quid due to my own stupidity.Simple fact is i can’t gamble again,ever. Doesn’t matter if it’s a raffle ticket or a scratch card it’ll set me off on a dangerous path which ultimately leads to me playing roulette.The feeling when you’ve slipped up is the worst ever, the frantic thoughts trying to work out your months finances,the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach etc it’s horrendous and somewhere I never thought or hoped I’d be again.Got to learn from this and move on,take the lessons and sort it.Its been good to come back on here to read a few things and give myself a bit of advice etc one day at a time x

Frantic thoughts trying to work out your month’s finance...

The maths I can now compute in my head are unreal! I’ve been there pal. Guess it’s one slight positive for all the huge negatives... I can now add up my whole weekly shop in my head!

I guess all along I shouldn’t have been gambling no matter how small it was daft and just asking for trouble,you don’t hear of alcoholics have a small drink.Just feel rubbish and even now the thoughts of going back into the bookies are filling my head to chase my losses.Its a horrible place to be 🙁 just got to stay strong,knuckle down and keep moving. One day at a time x

Just had to go cap in hand to my sister to help with a few financial obligations I would struggle to make this month and it was horrible. Feel so angry with myself for putting her in that position.She is an incredible person but I know I need to stop this. Gambling affects everyone around us and by slipping up I endanger there love and support.My relapse no matter how big or small can have seismic consequences and I have to remember that.I know why it happened as I had access to funds,the urge and add in alcohol. I’m off work today and have spent the morning playing with my son and it scares me even more to think that I could’ve ruined this. Barriers and blocks in place! What’s done is done just gotta suck it up and move on. It’s only a mistake if I don’t learn from it. One day at a time x

Can’t believe how close I came to going back to the bookies after only two days gf! Actually drove past my old bookies after work and had every intention of going in if I’m being honest but thankfully I left my bank card in my house.Even though I never gambled I can’t believe how easy I felt like going back.I think because my relapse was only a few days ago my losses are still fresh and my “need” to recoup them. Glad I put my blocks in place but somehow feels like a loss. Going to be a long road ahead. One day at a time x

Decent day at work today followed by massive urges to gamble 🙁 thankfully I didn’t as I came home and the duties of family life took over but I’m still thinking about it as I sit here and type.However I do realise the bigger picture and what’s at stake.We as gamblers can rack up loads of debt in a matter of minutes that can take years to pay off and as daft as I have been in the past I’m making inroads to this and I can’t and won’t mess it up. If your an alcoholic or a drug addict you will consume either and pass out but as a gambler we will spend money till there’s none left then we will beg steal and borrow to get more. I’m a good guy with a beautiful family and amazing friends,I don’t want to be a parasite and leech off them.Its a tough old road and at this very moment it feels like good versus evil and thankfully the right side is winning but just got to keep plodding along and increase my gf days.As a compulsive gambler I want the days to be at 50,100,1000 by now but there not so just got to say thanks that I didn’t gamble today and I don’t intend to gamble tomorrow. One day at a time x

Urges,urges,urges! Still feel like gambling in the hope of getting some money to give me some breathing space this month but thankfully I haven’t wilted but I’m thinking about any weapons I can use in my armoury to help keep this at bay. I read of people going to the gym etc and may go down that route just think I need a little extra help in getting back on the straight and narrow. One day at a time x

Good day today,had to put money in the bank and it’s right next to my old regular bookies and didn’t flinch at all.I know it doesn’t seem like much to normal people but to a compulsive gambler like myself this was massive considering my recent relapse.Had a decent day so far now just making dinner and contemplating a little can of beer or a bike ride later? Quite keen to try and start exercising a bit again as I used to feel great after I had played footy or been to the gym however injuries and advancing years mean I haven’t done anything for a while.Im a firm believer that any type of exercise is good for mental health as well so maybe this might help in my fight to keep the urges away and also help with my beer belly lol anyway feeling positive and hoping for a good weekend.One day at a time x

Early morning start and I’m off out a cycle to try and release some endorphins naturally instead of staring at a spinning wheel then it’s packing picnic stuff and off for a run in the car with the missus and son.You can stick your gambling today! Feel more determined than ever thinking about the time and money wasted on gambling over my 25 years of it! Building up a hatred towards these establishments so let’s hope that helps. Have a great weekend people.One day at a time x

Good day today plenty going on with not a thought about gambling really.Even watched some horse racing and the footy although to be fair this was never a problem it only became an issue if I went to put on a coupon or back a horse as this would lead me into a gambling establishment and then it was roulette for me! I have wastedd literally thousands on these machines and it seems mental that any sane person would but that’s life.So work tomorrow for some overtime it all helps pay off my stupid idiotic debts that take hours to rack up up but years to pay off.Anyway it’s all good.Head down b*m up get the work done and as well as earning a bit extra it provides a useful and welcome distraction. One day at a time x

Long day at work today didn’t get home till nearly nine.To busy and tired for gambling 🙂 another day gf one day at a time x