And breathe.......

Another gf day and to be honest it was no probs at all as I was stuck in work most of it plus I don’t really have access to money to gamble with other than a few pounds here and there.Truth be told temptation will rear it’s ugly head at end of month when I get paid again but the worrying aspect for me is the anticipation builds with each passing day and then how do I react or cope when the wages hit my bank. However until then I will just plod along and hopefully add to my gf total and when I do get paid make sure I have all blocks in place and the gamblers triangle has a few sides missing! One day at a time x

Another day gf 🙂 slow progress but happy.One day st a time x

Another day gf working a lot at the moment it’s a nice distraction.Feeling a bit down about lack of money etc tonight 🙁 one day at a time x

Another day gamble free but still feeling a bit down at the moment just thinking about money etc feelings of regret,worry and so on. I would probably say I’m ok when I’m busy but when have some downtime I’m overthinking things a little.Just need to keep busy and not be so hard on myself after my relapse.Its done,I’ve dealt with it and if anything it’s helped me point out a few issues so it’s not all bad. Just gotta keep plodding along as there is light at the end of the tunnel. One day at a time x

Not much to report apart from another day gf. I’ve been gambling for 26 years now but the fobt’s Took things to a new level. Thankfully my enjoyment of footy horse racing boxing etc etc hasn’t been ruined however I realise not gambling is the option for me as any type leads to the fobt.Doing ok today spirits are lifting.One day at a time x

Another day gf 🙂 one day at a time x

Still gamble free but life is really testing me at the moment 🙁 my partners grandad is at deaths door and just had a rather hefty garage bill.Whenever life throws up s#%t things like this I used to resort to the fobt’s not that I ever needed an excuse but now I have to accept and deal with things and not seek refuge in the bookies.Im getting there slowly and have no desire to add to my problems by losing money I can’t afford to and run the risk of losing my family. Staying strong,staying gamble free one day at a time x

Another tough day dealing with insurance companies,garages etc felt angry and incredibly stressed but on the plus side gambling never even entered my thoughts today.Have been working extra shifts at work so will be greatful when I get paid for them as it’ll be a big help but like most of us on here I want it now and not in the next few months. Sadly the road to recovery is long and slow but I guess it’s just important to stay on it and not gamble.Its not easy but I’m determined to do this! First target I’ve set is 31 days (a month) then if I can do that 50 and so on.Trying smaller achievable targets.One day at a time x

Not much to report still gamble free just busy.One day at a time x

So still gf and feeling pretty positive about the whole thing however I still feel the real challenges lie ahead for me.These being payday next week and because I had a relapse I’ll need to pay back money I borrowed so August will be a very lean month and as us gamblers know we always have ways to earn a quick buck! Sadly this leads to temptation etc however I’ve been doing a bit of overtime at work with the prospect of more so if I can knuckle down and get past another five weeks then things should be much better.Im still taking things one day at a time and haven’t really been thinking about the bookies and fobt’s I guess it’s because my relapse is still fresh in my mind and I’m very busy at the moment.Im not going to proclaim I’m all better now just because I’m feeling positive because that’s easy to do when you’re skint but the trick is to keep it up when you have access to money.Like I’ve said previously I’m trying to take the positives out of things. I know what triggers me, I know how I end up in situations where I leave myself open to it etc and I am fully aware that this is a lifetime problem but it’s one I’m hoping to consign to memory once and for all! One day at a time x

Hi nb just read your diary and wanted to say well done on your progress. I too have gambled for many years (15 ish) and in that time have had many relapses. Although the temptation will always be there (thankfully to varying degrees and on the whole weakens with time) there is no doubt that life is better without gambling. Debt looms over many of us so i understand your feelings but we have to remind ourselves regularly that gambling will only make it worse.

I feel like im preaching to the converted so please forgive me but just wanted to say well done and stay strong - you can do this... one day at a time.

Hey samorgo thanks for stopping by,nice to hear your thoughts and advice.To be honest I think most of us gamblers no life is worse when gambling otherwise we wouldn’t be here.I think I’m better placed to really tackle my issues long term this time.I have been chipping away at my debt with a repayment plan and I am trying to learn the approach to things that if I don’t have the money I can’t get it so don’t gamble thinking I can win the money.I think in today’s life with social media and gizmos and gadgets and cars and houses etc we’re all looking for that illusive big win that’ll change our life but the sad fact is we would all be better off if we hadn’t gambled in the first place! The truth is I’ve had a great life but there’s some things I would change pretty much all due to gambling and mismanagement of money but the trick is to accept this and improve each day forward! This can only be done by not gambling and so far so good! Sorry if I’m rambling a bit,it’s late and I’ve been up for almost 20 hours.Anyway that’s another day down and no gambling.I long for the day where I don’t count the days and just accept that I’m an ex gambler and that’s that! However until that happens I’ll keep counting off the days 🙂 one day at a time x

Still gf and still very happy with it. Had a few wee pangs but nothing major and was extremely happy after having a few beers in town the other day I never went near any bookies etc feel as though I’ve finally done my time on those life destructing fobt’s! However I am only to aware of how easy it is for me to go back on them and I have bigger tests to come as it’s payday next week and the footy season starts.Gambling on footy and horses etc was never a problem to me but it led me to the fobt’s under the pretence of putting a coupon on etc I’ve worked dam hard recently and put in a lot of hours at work so I’m determined not to go and lose all my money in a matter of minutes! To be honest I’m feeling a bit nervous about next sat as I’ll be at the footy and the pub and for the past 20+ years roughly that has always involved some sort of gambling but not I realise abstinence is the only way for me and I can’t be putting on a coupon or a horse.Anyway still hanging in there one day at a time x

So payday today and nearly slipped up however I stayed gf.Feel kind of down as if I had gambled,strange. I set foot in a bookies but quickly left.I know I should be happy I had the sense and will power to leave but feel a bit deflated that I even went near one. Sobering realisation that this is a journey for life.Need to possibly self exclude from a few more bookies or limit my time or access to money or opportunity. Going to bed now but not sure how I’ll sleep as my heads a bit all over the place,but I’m still here and im still fighting and I’m still gf one day at a time x

So a decent weekend and still gf but it’s still not easy,feel like there’s an ongoing internal conflict which thankfully I’m winning at the moment. I hate this damned addiction and everything it does.I hate it for the debt I have,I hate it for the time it has robbed me of,I hate it for the lies I told! I’m 35 days gf and closing in on 50 my next target. I’m ok as I’ve been busy recently but it’s still so dam tough.Got to keep plodding along i can’t ever get that horrible sick feeling after another relapse where you sit wondering what just happened and who you can borrow money off of and how your going to lie to your loved ones again.Apologies for the Sunday morning rambling I’m genuinely happy that I’m still gf but sometimes you just get a little fed up with the situation/debt that your in and wonder how and why you did it I know I do.Anyway I’m still here and still fighting to remain gf one day at a time x