And breathe.......

Still hanging in there gamble free. Been busy so urges not to bad plus still feeling a sense of anger and the thought of how many hours I work etc and how quickly it all disappears into the fobt’s! My family deserve more,I deserve more! No more fobt’s! Closing in on day 50 🙂 one day at a time x

50 days been and passed,happy boy! 🙂 one day at a time x

Hi New beginning,

Well done for staying strong and passing your 50 days. If you are still struggling with urges to gamble, it may be as you mentioned in your earlier post, that it's time to consider putting some additional self exclusions and financial strategies in place. Passing milestones can be more of a temptation to gamble so whilst you're feeling you might need to reduce access to money or gambling premises even further it may be a good time to take action. If you need further support or advice around this please don't hesitate to contact an Advisor on the HelpLine 0808 8020 133 or the NetLine

Once again, well done and keep focusing on the reasons you don't gamble anymore.

Warm regards

Leigh

Forum Admin

Hi Leigh many thanks for your input and congratulations on my milestone.I have attempted recently to focus on the future and rather than dwell on what I’ve done and what could’ve been I’m thinking positively and how much better things can and will be in a gf life.To be honest I don’t know if I’ll ever lose the urge to gamble as I’m a sport lover but in a way I’m glad that wasn’t the problem as it would restrict my viewing of sport. My problem was and is the fobt’s but the good thing is I now have a new found appreciation for money (I think it’s driving my missus wild lol) as I’m now varying my shopping habits to find an extra 10p of soap powder etc lol crazy how I could spend a weeks wages in hours if not minutes on a fobt eh I have dreams and aspirations now and I believe there tangible and achievable and not reliant on a mythical big win.Maybe I’ve finally grown up at the ripe old age of 41 or maybe I’ve simply just had enough who knows but I approach each day with the attitude that I didn’t gamble yesterday and I don’t intend to gamble today.I am conscious of the triangle and take steps to make sure that any opportunity to gamble is extremely limited and in a lot of cases non existent.Payday looming large next week but for the first time in a long time I’m not dreading it.That sounds strange saying dreading payday but to me it was an opportunity to gamble,a time to repay debts etc but this time other than bank and credit debt I don’t owe anyone borrowed money and I have no interest in feeding a computer my hard earned wages.My guard is up,my eyes are open and my will is strong!!!! 100 days I’m coming to get you 🙂 one day at a time x

Another weekend successfully navigated gamble free! 🙂 so happy about this! Big test next week as my wages will land in bank account but I have loads of stuff on so can’t and won’t slip up! Still determined to stay away from fobt’s and still wanting more for life but I’m just getting used to it being the way my life is rather than the initial mix of emotions.A true roller coaster of anger hatred despair hope etc etc but life has been chugging along and things are going well. Got to keep my guard up for now and forever but hey I’m ok with that 🙂 one day at a time x

So I'm still gf but struggling a little bit.I got paid so the thoughts of “just a small gamble can’t hurt” or “you could turn that £20 into a £100” etc etc I think I need to strengthen my defences against gambling.I hate having these urges and hate the fact that I’m open to them.I class myself as a fairly intelligent guy and it annoys me that I get drawn in by a poxy machine with flashing lights. Even when I did play the machines and won money i knew It was merely on loan to me as I’d end up giving it back.Just got to put more blocks in place and break it down.I will never win because I cannot stop.I work hard for my money so why give it away.I can’t risk losing my family so don’t even put myself in a position of temptation! I can do this one day at a time x

I think we all feel were " Fairly intelligent " but for some reason when gambling all sense seems to go right out of the window just after most of the money's gone through it first .

Machines were alway's my downfall also ( always a sucker for a pretty face ) :(( and your right the money won just meant more gambling tokens to keep me in the cycle !.

One day at atime keep pushing forwrd nb , your doing great :))

Thought long and hard about posting today. There's no point lying about my gambling today. Truth be told I kind of knew it would happen as I didn't put enough blocks in place and in some sort of q***r way I wanted it to happen (gamble that is) I'm fed up beating myself up so reluctantly accepting today for what it was and figuring out why it happened and how can I avoid it ever happening again. Only crumb of comfort I can take is all my bills etc are paid but that's not much in the grand scheme of things. Why would I even put myself in the position where I could gamble regardless of winning or losing? Yes it's addiction but it's also sheer and utter stupidity. I have the feeling now I am sick of, the feeling of regret sorrow anger etc tomorrow block's are in place and that will make it virtually impossible to gamble and I have a few other ideas regarding dealing with this. I may be down but by God I'm not out! I will defeat and conquer this stupid addiction once and for all this time one day at a time! X

Hi nb :)) .

I just scrolled to the top of this page and it's from me on my old diary from almost a year ago and I'm sorry to see you still struggling with your demons my old friend :((

You know I can't stand here and preach to you about what's not change'd in the last year because youv'e had period's of being gamble free and near enough a couple of months in this last attempt, so you can do it but the " Force is strong " nb :((.

The only thing I can say is those " Block's " should have been well in place long ago my friend , you and I both cannot be trusted until we become strong enough to fight any urges that should come , I'm 3yrs in gamble free , I'm not feeling any urges but the blocks are there in place and stronger than they ever were .

Just let go of it nb and close the door :))

I wish you well my friend :))

Hey A9 thanks for your kind words. I've self excluded, been to counselling etc in the past but if I'm being honest it's because I still wanted to gamble in some form I guess. Stay away from the fobts but still do the odd coupon etc when all I've actually done is just kid myself. I am a compulsive gambler. I have a good job so if I didn't do this my life would be so much better (it's great just now but always room for improvement) so I guess that's the way it's got to be. I kind of feel sad about it all but I can't do a wee footy coupon or a couple of quid in the fruit machine as it only keeps my urges ticking along. I need to quit everything for me, my family, my finances and my mental health. I really like that "just close the door" ki d of resonates with me for some reason. Tomorrow is the start, one day at a time x

If I'm honest I'd still like to gamble as I believe most would on here if and its a huge "IF" I was able to have any form of self control , over the years it's given me great pleasure , something to fill the time on my hand's with and not to mention the buzz or the high that it fuel's ? .

It's also safe to say it's given me , fear , anxiety , debt , loss of trust , turned me into a liar and a master of deception and almost forced me to take my own life , so you can easily see who's the winner with the pros and con's ?.

All the time that door's ajar and gambling peeps through it's gap , it's like have a dripping tap it will never ever stop until it's repaired and shut off completely.

For many years I've been guilty of doing exactly what youv'e been doing , leaving a little gap so it's alway's available any time I want to pick up where I left off , little ember's smouldering away because the flames not been extinguished properly .

The fear you have is that fear of letting go completely because it's something youv'e always relied on , almost the one constant thing in your life for many years .

As you said " Fresh start tommorow" , I alway's thought I'd never manage but I have , nothing's torn my world apart and I've never felt better , so let it go my friend and look to the future without gambling :))

Love this post! So much rings true! The point about it being the only constant in my life was true for a long time but I have a family and they are my world that's my constant now. Its time to extinguish the embers, time to lock that door and embrace a gamble free life. Its easy to spout clichГ©s at a time when I'm only hours away from last gambling but if I can't speak of hope and desire and a new tomorrow then I have nothing to believe in. Truth is I'm sick of it all, the mental effect especially. I have to much going on in my life to occupy my time to allow this to continue. My son is now 3 and he has never wanted for anything but after I slipped up today I took him to a play centre and he had the best time and I took enormous joy from this but as I looked around I thought to myself if continue to gamble then my future will be filled with trips to play centres as I'd be a weekend dad. I love my partner and our kids and the thought of getting removed from the life that I've worked my b*m off to get is just madness. Sorry for rambling lol but sometimes It takes a phrase, a moment, a post on my diary, or even just a culmination of things to kind of hit home in a way that counselling and advice and clichГ©s etc haven't. The road ahead is a long one and tricky one but it's starts with a first step. I can say any multitude of things about this and that but the only thing that will matter is the increasing gf days on my profile one day at a time X

You do get to a point of being “ sick of it all “ if I’m honest I felt mentally drained by the last months of my gambling , the constant noise in my head whirling around all the time working out odds , where I would get funds from and lying my r*e of trying to cover my tracks and I really couldn’t take it any longer and something has to give . Sometimes a word or a phrase is all it takes nb and I’m glad if something that’s been said has that effect on you :)) . Never be afraid to Ramble because as my old friend Martin ( Oldham ) on here always says “ it’s better to ramble than gamble “ . Draw your line and move on tomorrow’s a new day :))

Decent day today back at work after some holiday time off. Good to get back into some sort of routine and analyse things after a mediocre nights sleep lol despite my slip up I'm feeling really positive about things. I have put in some extra blocks today and got to admit it actually feels pretty good. I thought I'd be a bit down and despondent about things that have happened and decisions I've had to make but it feels more like a new beginning rather than the end and losing something. I've had a few false dawns before and I'd be sceptical if I was reading this but after a bit more self excluding today etc I kind of feel differently. It's hard to explain I can only hope that with some helpful words ringing in my ears I may have finally closed the door on that chapter in my life (well almost as I'm still paying off the large debts I accrued) so here's to a new beginning and an ever increasing GF total. First target 10 days x

Decent day at work then home for a nice curry and a carry on with my son, my missus loves me winding him up as she's trying to calm him down as it's getting near bedtime lol drove past my particular bookies of choice and kept driving 🙂 blocks in place and no thoughts of gambling to be honest, I guess I'm still licking my wounds. Still feeling positive and optimistic about my future despite a slip up. I used to think I needed gambling, I used to think it was my comfort blanket, my constant but instead I now see it as the disruptive thing it is. No more lies, no more time wasted, hopefully no more money lost. I have a busy life and a great family who deserve my time attention and money. The door shall remain closed! One day at a time x