And here we are yet again

Hi,

Well done today and thank you for posting. You deserve all the support that is given and hopefully you can begin to move in the right direction.

Best wishes

Hi mask

Just been reading your diary there and I'm so glad your going to the doctors. I myself had to go speak to my doctor. I was giving tablets to help me. Something I thought I ever had to do. Defo no bad thing though.

You've got your transport sorted for work and lunches sorted. Your debt will sort out over time just focus in the next couple of days. Take care

Haven't gambled, but my mind is in a dark place. I don't feel like I even exist, which is weird. Doctor appointment has been made, hopefully that helps matters somewhat.

The seriousness of the situation has really hit home now...I need to forget about the money and concentrate on becoming a better person. The support on here will be crucial, so please do keep sending me your advice, and a kick up the a**e if needed.

One day at a time. Looking forwards.

When is your doctor's appointment? Hope it goes well. You can get through this and you will get plenty of support and advice on here. Please take care

Hi Mask,

This addiction can wear us out physically, mentally and emotionally, even more so when we start abstaining, we are fighting this consciously and subconsciously, and the reality of what damage we have done, is hard to comprehend sometimes.because it doesn't make sense what we have done.

Take care and look after you now.

Suzanne xxx

Four days clean. Still feeling s**t.

Keep pushing through

Suzanne xx

Why does every day feel like it's lasting about a year?

cos we want to fast forward to when the immediate crisis has passed and we feel a bit calmer and with a little money to be able to live normally.

I am also just a few days clean and I feel stressed and my mind is racing at a million miles an hour.

It does pass it just takes time thats all.

Ive been living this S****y way for even longer than you have.

Lets make this the last time for the pair of us.

All the best with your recovery... you can do it.. so can I... S.A

5 days. Have seen the doctor and been signed off work for a while to get my head straight. My credit card arrived, I will switch some of the debt to that to make it more manageable, the credit limit unfortunately (or fortunately, whatever way you look at it) is not that high, so can only do a part balance transfer.

I feel like I am at least making some progress. I don't want to gamble, it sickens me and I don't have the energy to put up with it any longer.

One day at a time.

Why do I feel guilty about being off work? Is this normal??

Hi mask, maybe because you think being on the sick is self inflicted, and you feel weak.

It's not being weak, or intentionally self inflicted,you have to put yourself first in order to do this recovery journey, you have to look after you, this addiction takes everything out of us.

Don't feel guilty whatsoever, the addiction will just love that, keep starving it.

Take care

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne. I'm struggling to relax at the moment.

Day six and the hangover from the most recent gambling binge is beginning to pass. This is always a dangerous time, as you begin to think everything is fine again. Which it is NOT!

I'm glad I'm off but I have a knot in my stomach for some reason, as you say, probably because I feel this is all self inflicted.

Approaching a week and not really feeling much better. But my resolve is strong, today I will not gamble.

Keep that resolve strong mask, what ever it takes, take this time off from work to look after you, you have done nothing wrong, you became a victim of this addiction, but now you have time to rebuild, yourself, that addiction makes us slaves, take everything you can from being off work, OAU looking after you, because you are soo much worth it.

Suzanne xxx

I'm so glad you're back Mask, and I'm back too! I've had so many slips but I'm still here. And that is the one positive thing to focus on everyday - we are trying 🙂 the fact that we don't want to live like this anymore, feeling guilt and remorse proves that we are good people - just with a very bad habit! It's the addiction that's makes me feel week and bad about myself. That lack of control, but here we are, Taking Control! One day at a time making a conscious effort to be better and that's all we can expect of our selves right now.

Not giving up on giving up - we can do this!

Thanks red. Sorry to hear you've slipped. I had a read of your diary, and win or lose we still lose, because our ultimate aim is recovery. So why bet in the first place?!

Day 8. I'm feeling calmer. I have access to money, but I don't want to gamble. This is a massive step forward. While having access to money I have never gone more than a couple of days in recent efforts to stop.

I am going to stop mentioning my debts on here, those aren't important to me. The importance is on quitting and repairing my mind and becoming a better person.