Angel From Montgomery

Thinking of you and hoping you are ok.

xxx

Yo,

Sometimes it's hard to find the words . Sort of get that.

But no matter what's going on for you , there are a fair few folk on the other side of the pond that care , unconditionally I might add .

Sending you the biggest hug , cos well I recon you just might need one .

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxxxx((((((((((((j)))))))))))

.............(((((((( Joan)))))))).........

Hi Joan,

I am hoping u r ok and sending u a huge hug, I am thinking of u 🙂

Stay strong xx

Thanks everyone!!

Diary: Tuesday. The only day that matters: Still taking that one day at a time approach. Still trying to set realistic goals for myself and not to beating myself up for not being able to attain them. I have no desire to gamble today. The urges usually bubble up on the weekends. Planning ahead has helped some. Still some slippage that I find hard to write about because although we all say that these are our diaries we gave up that right to "ours only" when we agreed to have them publicized. An absolute abstinence absolutely all of the time policy is setting the bar way too high for me. Abstaining one day at a time is a more realistic goal -- for me. Making mistakes is inevitable so, I'm not gonna beat myself up every time that I make one. I am compulsive by nature. Look at me ma I'm not gambling but I took half a bottle of oxycodone today to get thru the day. Ummmmmm I don't think so. It's uphill some days. Life is hard enough. I have taken enough cr ap. I want some peace. I'm working on it. Today, I believe that I am one step closer to fine. -joanxxxx

Hi Joan,

It's s***t innit when you have completely enough of everything...you working ur a r*e of to please others and when you want to treat yourself for once....you think about this evil way of doing so.HATE IT!!!

It's ok...i just let it go..really lost care today. I will gamble or go in a street and give those £20 to good ppl.

Nevermind...went for a run...go hav a bath and go from there..

Just for today Joan...just for today we can unite ..

d**n...deap breath my friend..tomorrow is Wednesday...another choice to make.

Thanx for listening...and sorry for me me me on ur tread xx

Joan,

Just another BIG THANK YOU for yesterday.

Keep moving forward darling, minute at a time, hour at a time, day at a time:)

we will do it!!!

(((((( J ))))))

Diary: Friday. Feeling the agitation today. I want to gamble but, know that I can't. Mom said something thoughtless like she does and I took the bait and ran with it. Got myself into a full blown I'm useless, I don't know anything, I suck blah blah blah...Well.. as long as I suck I might as well.... umm STOP! So, I am regrouping. Remembering that I don't suck. On the contrary. I am pretty smart. I do well in my field. I am respected by my peers. This was just mom doing what mom does best. lol. I am not going to gamble about it. Maybe will talk P into going for a drive to look at fall colors. It's all good and I intend to keep it that way. -joanxxxxx

Hey Joan,

You ARE NOT any of those you put on your diary!! You are smart, honest, kind, loving,strong and understanding determined fighter!!!!

Get out there and get the life you deserve:)

Hugs your way

You will not gamble today, just keep believing in yourself!

Sandra x

Hi Joan,

It's been good reading your last few pages of your diary and I can relate to setting the bar at one day at a time, I too feel that because of my compulsive and unpredictable behaviour, that a lifetime of not gambling ever again or should I say promising to myself I will never gamble again is too much. The likelihood is I will Just as long as it is nipped in the bud if it does happen. We are fighters and we want to be gamble free 364/365 days if we can, that alone is a massive, massive achievement.

Keep up the good work and never beat yourself up.

Andy x

Enjoy the colours in your life and the fresh autumn air this weekend.

xxx

Thanks for posting guys. Dragonfly, I don't like slipping either, but, it happens and being honest about it is what is getting me through the hours sometimes...

Diary: Saturday. Just an addict trying to stop gambling one day at a time. I admit to my recent struggles on the weekends for my own sake. Not to upset, trigger, or recruit others.. sigh... For the record; I did not gamble Thursday, or Friday this week. That IS progress for me. I don't seem to care about online gambling anymore or going to the casino on weekdays like we used to. That IS progress for me. For me it is now about today. Today, I choose not to gamble but not for the sake of other addicts, the calendar, or for bragging rights around the number of stacked days but, for me, me, me, me, me, me, me..... that's right. For me. 🙂 Anybody struggling today, take deep breaths and think about what you are doing or are about to do. Gambling is not the answer to your problems. It never was and never will be. I think that is where we are all in agreement. I am going to the zoo. -joanxxxxxx

Sorry Joan, the last thing in the world I meant to sound was critical and I know just how honest you are on your diary which is why I love to read it and it is so helpful to me. Really doesn't suit me this medium sometimes as things come across so differently in the written word. I will be more careful and as you say take lots of deep breaths as so close to the edge these days.

xxx

Makes complete sense to me Joan as living that life myself. Learning how to take even deeper breaths at Tai Chi, anything is worth a try these days.

Thanks for the hugs, just what I needed today.

xxx

Yo,

Not gambling today for you is Hun is enough .

It's always been about what ever gets you through.

Some it's counting days , some it's family , me it's the same as you . It's about me I did not gamble today for me , yesterday I did not gamble either but it's gone so does it matter . Tomorrow's not here yet so does that matter ? No

Your words fighting this addiction is about the hear and now , so very true !

Take care Hun

Xxxxxxxx