Another Go

I posted on and off for years 9n here too. However, am back yet again...This time for the long haul I guess.

Hi,

Is it me or are there many more new users in the last few weeks posting ?. Sad reflection on how widespread gambling addiction is. It ain't fussy who it latches onto, men, women, young & old, poor people, working class, middle class even those who are or were well off.

Still maybe it's a positive that many more are coming forward, admitting they've a problem & seeking support. Some will stay & persevere, some will simply disappear after a few weeks leaving us wondering what became of them & if they've relapsed. All I can say to those who've recently joined us is there is a way out but you've got to want it more than anything in this world. Welcome to all seeking recovery.

Best Wishes

AL

Hi Slow 

thanks for the mention on your opening post on this diary, appreciated.

Good to see you kicking off a diary, I seem to only have identified with you fairly recently so can’t recall previous ones, but you may have been under another username? 

Anyway you do a good job on here supporting and advising others.

Agreed a lot of newcomers recently, for me that feels in line with previous years where you get an influx at New Year and after Cheltenham.

Best wishes and look forward to reading your posts.

It ain’t going away. It just won’t quit.

Captain 

Hi Captain,

Reply is really appreciated. We haven't had many 1 to 1 posts but always been an admirer of your brutal honesty. Someone asked you recently have you gambled recently on chat, to which you replied " No But I Want To". Loved it!!. I really struggle with Cheltenham, York Ebor meeting, Royal Ascot.

Come March 2023 hopefully I won't gamble but the fact is "I'll Want To" no doubt in my mind. Mr Ordinary ?, promise me you'll never become that guy. Maybe I'm selfish or perhaps afraid to face the world alone. The truth is when I hear you on chat or read a post you make me feel less of a freak or oddball. Over 3 years gamble free but I think I'll always want to. So you're right when you say It ain't going away.

Keep Posting, Sincere Best Wishes

AL

Hi Slow 

Glad I make you feel less of a freak ?

Does Aintree week not affect you? Historically I always used to do better at Aintree than Cheltenham for some reason.

I’m not joining chat at the moment, don’t feel up to advising others but the time will come again.

I’m interested in you describing further the feelings you got when you said after 2 years without gambling, you looked back on your life and it was ugly. I think my recent experience is very similar. I know you reckon you were born a CG. I wasn’t - it happened to me because I took bad life decisions then used what was once a hobby as a crutch and an escape.

So when I describe the past and regrets, it’s not so much about the gambling, although obviously I’m suffering the effects of that, financial and otherwise. It’s about if I had taken different decisions my life would have been so much better. ( I could list all the detail on this but wouldn’t add value). But someone decided a couple of weeks ago to play me a kaleidoscope of my life as it could and should have been versus how it was and is, and for the first time I have fully realised the impact of my wrong decisions. Hope this makes sense. I can happily tell others to forget the past as far as gambling is concerned and forget all the money lost and even some of the non-financial impact. I can’t tell them to forget their bad decisions as I can’t do that myself. And Yes I can move on with life from here on, but there are so many things in life I’ve missed out on, because of the decisions, not because of the gambling. 

P.s. I’ve no intention of becoming mr ordinary, need to find a balance to enable me to fit a bit better in society tho ?

Hope your weekend has been good.

It ain’t going away. It just won’t quit.

Captain 

Hi Captain,

Your reply was so much appreciated. Yes I liked Aintree but not the National, that's for even bigger mugs than me. All it takes is for a No hoper to fall & bring a serious contender down & the dream's over. My dream after Cheltenham was the start of the flat season, (not many fallers,) The Brocklesby & Lincoln. Unlike you Cheltenham was my favourite hunting ground & Aintree one of the bitterest memories. 

I've probably hit some raw nerves & no doubt be advised to stop recalling those meetings, so I won't push my luck. But after Doncaster my thoughts were focused on the Guineas in May, The Derby in June, then Royal Ascot. Don't know why but I loved York's Ebor meeting in August, a meeting that caused so much misery but there you have it. All I know was they all played a part in bringing my whole world crashing down.

All of these things played a part in robbing people most unaddicted people wouldn't dream of robbing. It was like I was a miner & the pit props gave & I was about to be crushed and buried forever. Different world to yours Captain,( no less addicted ) than anyone else but it came down to this " Bad Decisions ". the one thing I was good at in life. Anyway, water under the bridge now, took me so long but a lesson learned. No one looking for me, family know the ugly truth, (ties cut with the dregs of society I owe them nothing ). But oh what a long & painful journey, I'm done.

Best Wishes

AL

Hi Slow

You have talked about the difficulty of avoiding big race meetings which you used to enjoy. I have a few similar examples to run past you and hear your thoughts: 

a. I used to watch a lot of Live football matches since Sky came along in 1990, but very few without gambling on them - I reduced the amount gradually over the years, mainly because I experienced overkill but also I realised I was watching many games just to have a bet. Since my latest chapter kicked in in October 2020, I reverted to only watching highlights and reading about the games in the paper/online, still kept an interest, this has worked. Now I watch very occasional games, those which historically I watched for enjoyment rather than gambling on, but they are few and far between. So I think I have the balance ok on football now.

b. Horse Racing/Dogs - some watch for the 'spectacle' - does nothing for me, Racing  = gambling, full stop, so if I'm not gambling I'm not watching 

c. Snooker - watched as a kid and loved it. In later years it became another 'watch only if gambling' so now I dont watch at all, cant get back to the kid who loved watching it for fun

d. Tennis - only Wimbledon was on when I was a kid, glued to it. Adult - gambled on every tournament on the box for many years, weaned myself off it. Find I can now watch major finals but thats it, and when the current lot of superstars (Fed,Nadal,Djok) have gone, I know I've no interest watching the next generation 

e. Golf - just failed in my attempt to watch the Masters at the weekend. No interest in it without a bet. Never had any interest in Golf, just became another vehicle for gambling on, but loved how a bet on it could last you for 4 days and all the ups and downs associated, much better value for money than a 5 furlong sprint 🙂

Common theme across all of these - Sky - suddenly having all this Live sport to watch seemed a great thing, but it increased my time gambling by a hell of a lot. Take Sky away and would I have continued to just put on football coupons and some horse racing - probably, but other factors may have meant the beast inside me would have found a way to take control somehow...

It aint going away. It just wont quit.

Captain 

SL,

Truly humbled by your kind words. 

15th April 2013 i arrived as a suicidal individual who knew better than anyone else on here.

I am a gambling addict who will always be a gambling addict. One day at a time. Its sunday. I do not want to gamble today. I sill take that.

Mrs bal went on a spending spree today. Balance covers everything. She is happy with that..

Me - i am happy. Money to spend.

Stll gamble free after several years. 

Bal will take that

Best

So.. Not so much a gambling thread but a tale to tell.. 

As you know i do park run and yesterday a young lad aged about ten completed his 11th park run.. So delighted he was and as it was Easter he handed out chocolates.. So i said thank you and asked his name.. Alwyn he said..im sure he will grow to be another lovely Al... Happy Easter all.

Boo ?

Hello Boo,

I have good days, bad days like everyone else on here. Of course improved relationships & the financial benefits are wonderful when you stop. It's a CG thing ,we always want more, more ,more which is why we can't stop. Whenever you drop by I know I couldn't possibly ask for more than your kindness, encouragement & warm support. You really are a special person.

Sincere Best Wishes

AL

@captain46 

Years ago I didn't bet on football much maybe an FA cup or European Cup final but the explosion of Sky TV & Premier league changed all that . I often used evening televised matches to gamble, mainly to recoup losses from horse racing earlier that day.

Dogs, well my interest started years ago when the bookies stayed open & took bets on them to generate income whilst racing was abandoned due to bad weather. I was friendly with a local trainer many years ago who persuaded me to buy a pup. 2 or 3 injuries & several vets bills later we finally got it to the track for a trial. o*g I wouldn't say it was slow but the hare hit it on the back of the head lol. Needless to say I sold it a considerable loss.

Tennis, I loved all the grand slams from an entertainment point of view but of course addiction sucked me in to gambling on it though it didn't get me going the way horse racing did.

Snooker or golf did little for me to be honest though I did occasionally have a bet on the masters based on advice of colleagues who loved the sport & played themselves.

I can watch football now & enjoy it purely for the sport. Of course self exclusion helps. Unfortunately horses for me are to be completely avoided. The truth is when I see 2 thoroughbreds fighting it out inside the final furlong, jockeys whips raised & the crowd screaming at them it just does something to me & pumps the adrenalin like nothing else. I ain't gambled for over 3 years but I'll always be the same addict. The good thing is despite wanting to gamble I don't want the pain it inevitably brings.

Best Wishes

AL

Thanks for the reply Slow, much appreciated and we have a number of things in common.

Best Wishes

Captain 

Hi,

Last week I had an email & text message from the people who kindly gave me 12 sessions of counselling. It was inviting me to join a skype meeting with partners of CGs trying to explain how the mind of a CG works. Some challenge. After giving it some thought I've agreed.

My friend lids asked me about what I imagined the questions would be. Probably will I ever gamble again ?. Who knows so I ain't gonna instill much confidence there. Do you still want to gamble ?. Quite often is the honest answer. What made you want to stop ?. Everything, the lies, deceit, the secrets that go hand in hand with compulsive gambling. 

How do I stop myself ?. I don't, self exclusion, shop bans, & tight financial restraint stops me. Am I happier in life ?. Absolutely, that sinking feeling every time I heard a bill being posted through my letterbox isn't there anymore, I can breath. Have personal relationships improved since I stopped ?. Yes without doubt despite the lack of trust & confidence in me. However I neither expect nor need trust, CGs abuse trust.

I need to be honest, but at the same time I feel guilty knowing that perhaps being honest is gonna burst a few bubbles & take away a lot of hope for some. Addiction is what it is, no point in dressing mutton up as lamb. Anyone else's thoughts or advice would be appreciated. 

Best Wishes

AL 

@slowlearner I hear where you are coming from on this. That said when I came here I was raw and felt blunted with gambling, I persevered and read and listened but the one thing I did do was be consistent and kept returning for advice, and chat. It was hard but support is paramount. You are helping others to heal Al whichever way you see it as in the painful truth or gloss it a tiny bit.  

I say be you. Say it as it is from your experience. Tell it like it is from chapter one. No two peoples feelings or definitions are the same but at least similarities can help to normalise and from that a future without gambling can be encouraged   and realised.. Keep us posted on this thanks.. Best of

Boo ?