back again

So another Saturday football session is gone. No gambling. My mates txt flying at my phone. I watched again with interest but haven't watched much midweek which is good. It's not the horses or footy that's the problem it's the fkn fobt. It's the C*****e of the gambling world. I need my fix. Gotta break the cycle. In two sessions 7 days apart I lost 1800. Unreal. I walked away feeling numb and sick. What can u do. The cashiers just keep letting u reload. No one bats an eyelid. I know it's my problem but the shops should manage or see a problem. I know there is only me to blame. Fool. So in between these I won 200 at races. 200 on an online slot and 300 on. A footy bet. With minimal losses around them. So I continue to think what if I just did a footy bet today. No. No. No. No. No. One day maybe but not now. It's all too closely linked. Poker. Horses. Footy. In the books. Just a tenner. That's 300 gone. Gotta be strong this time. No bets for 9 days. I can only say I have saved about 20 quid as I have been broke. But it's my twenty quid.

Catch you later. Thanks for reading.

A.n.d

Well done on 9 days gamble free, you can beat this just keep strong and don't give in to the urges. Thanks for posting on my diary, its good to know we are not alone in this fight and there are many others in the same situation. Take each day at a time and keep strong L x

Still going well. Another day another dollar is what they say.

So on the eve of my 2nd week of being gamble free I am really thinking whether counselling may help or even hypnosis.

There is a trigger that really switches and all I think about is the spin of a wheel. I cant say its footy or racing. My losses although not massive ain't that bad. I hate the fobt machines. They are fkn evil. The numbers on a table add up to 666. How appropriate. It is designed to strip you of everything and leave you with nothing. I know that. Yet I still wanna a spin. Ffs. How stupid. 100 quid a spin every 10 seconds. How is that right. Seriously this country is fkd up. As they think it's right.

I digress.

I have put the hard yards in but there is a lot more work to do. Payday is a week away. I am due a good turn as a few hours extra to help out but payday loans have there grip on this. Should be ok though. Come on dec 1st.

Thanks for listening

A.n.d

Well done on the 2 week mark A.N.D. And thanks for your comments in my diary. Isn't it funny how even when we know we're going to lose, we still can't help depositing and spinning. Video poker was my vice mainly. But like most of us I would bet on 2 flies crawling up a wall. I really believe that there is no 'cure' for this as it is a part of us. There is only control. I think if we can take and keep control that is the key. That's how I'm looking at it anyway. I've read a couple of books in the last 2 weeks about people who have wrecked their lives by gambling. I think - what a t****r. How could you do that. I get the same feeling when I walk past a bookies and the 'victims' are having a f*g outside. What wasters. Then I realise that they are me. The only difference is that they do it in the open. I hide behind a computer. So it's me that disgusts me!! Anonymity is a dangerous thing when you're a gambler. I have never been in a bookies and would never go in. Internet gambling saw me coming bigtime.

Good luck with your control A.N.D

You've done 2 weeks (the hard weeks)

Keep it lit

Christmas is coming. Lets have a good one with money coming in not going out

well 2 weeks in. probably two weeks to the hour i started the session that broke the camels back of my problem. ha. if only i remember it for the simple reason. i will go in and win a few quid then leave. i won in the first 5 mins then continued to give it all back and 900 quid. fool. but once on the wheel i cant leave. i cannot win because i cannot stop. eventually i lose it all. if i look back at the last few months of my life they are scattered with heavy losses and a few wins. i sat in a bookies 600 down and scrape it back but thats 5 hours of my life gone. i lose 3/400 quid and thats normal. i continue normal. how. i dont know. i win. i continue normal. maybe a little more genorous with the cash. i read a thread how someone was tight with drinks although thinks nothing of losing a few quid on a bet. thats me. i probably dont see it. but i am. fkn tight unless there is risk involved. i vow today like the last 14 will be gamble free. i have money and can go to any bookie i have self excluded and gamble. as they dont impose this. but i wont. my life. my way. no more of this s*i*.

all the best

a.n.d

So another Saturday gone. Another day gamble free. Just gotta keep reminding myself the biggest challenge comes this week. Payday. Gotta sort my bills out pay my payday loans and get myself in positive position. It can be done. In 3 months with no gambling I should have excess money to really start tackling all my debts aggressively. I am at day 17 and really have scraped though this month so far. Overdrawn and stressed. Never going to happen again.

I cannot win because I cannot stop.

I know this. Just gotta remind myself.

Laters.

A.n.d

Well done matey, you are going strong and it sounds like you're focused. You'll be glad to hear i'm still gamble free as well, i'm not patting myself on the back too much though as complacency was what let me down last time when I got to 25 days and then suffered my biggest ever losses.

Thanks for your comment on my diary as well the other day, don't worry i'm not taking anything for granted , having the girlfriend back home is great but she has made it clear this really is my last chance... There is no room for error now.

Cheers anyway pal

nat

Think of your family and what it would feel like to hurt and lose them and how the people you loved, and who loved you, will be affected for years to come.

Think of your kids and what it would feel like to see them go on another holiday without you and not even be able to give them any spending money to take with them.

Think of your ex-wife who might phone you in tears one day because she’s struggling to keep a roof over your children’s head because you’re not paying maintenance at the moment.

Think of what it might feel like to lose everything you worked so hard for and be left with nothing but crippling debt.

Think of how you might feel having to continuously ask friends for money again just to get you through the week and feed yourself.

Think about the innocent victims of your selfish addiction and its devastating repercussions that, 3 years on, you still don’t fully comprehend or appreciate.

Think about the constant struggle you may face just to keep your head above water and that, sometimes, you actually don’t want to come back to the surface for air.

Think of how you might be lucky enough to find love again only to hurt that person so much with your lies covering up your addiction that she has to take time off work as you’d made her ill - and then never getting her back and seeing her with someone else.

Think of how frustrated you might feel knowing that you’ve got so much to give, how you would work harder than ever before, start again at the ‘bottom’ with a true inner belief and burning ambition to rise again - yet no-one seems willing to give you another chance.

Think about the fact that you’re lining the wallets of the corporate fat cat Directors of the bookmaking industry who seem to think it’s socially acceptable to bombard the youth of today with a constant stream of advertising, and a gambling culture that our government condones and does f*** all about.

Think about how you might try your heart out to get any form of work again and what it would feel like to be rejected stocking food orders in f*****g Sainsbury’s’!

Stole the above from dark place. Great thread. Just gotta be mindful of the risk to dabble again.

Day 19 today. I have had money since I started but not a lot so the risk of gambling was low. I get paid this week and need to be strong to resist any temptation. If I don't recognise my problem that I am a CG then I may aswell give up. As I know it will lead to 1000s on my debt that is already too big.

I have three payday loans that can get cleared but as I ain't been paying other bills will be taking a big hit paying them back this week. May need to carry one over. Ok it's not great but 90 quid interest on a 300 loan is better than doing 100 quid spins on fobt. Lesser of two evils. The benefit is I can clear it next month and I will be pay day loan free.

Gonna do it properly this time.

A.n.d

So. A few things to consider. My mate is getting big into online slots. I think a bit too big. How do u address that knowing your own downfalls. He has helped me out a few times cash wise. And I return the favour when I can. He has just been paid three days ago and is broke. Waiting for cash to go back in account. He tells me how his mate wins 2000 on a site. That's great. And what losses did he have. They get it back. I know. I have given it back. So easy to gamble. On ure phone. Online. On tv. It's a joke. I really hope my lads don't become interested in this s*i*. It really is a problem of society that seems to be hidden away as the big companies say they pay into government funds. The youth of today stand no chance. I was addicted at 25 years of age. I played fruit machines but can say it was the fobt that hooked me. Big style. I know they are my addiction but always think that there must be a way to beat them. There isn't. I know this. Another ramble over. Need to keep logging in. The iPhone is great for this. I can remind myself daily. When I pay my bill. Lol. Another mess up. Thanks to CG.

Thanks for reading.

A.n.d

Went out with another mate. He tells me how well he has been doing. He need athletivo for a big win. He had bets on darts. He wasn't that interested and was distant. Funny. This must be wat I was like when I was out and had a bet running. No more. I am done. Payday. Tomorrow. 3 weeks. But now is the challenge. To get through to Xmas gamvle free. I can do it. Bills to be paid. Mot to be do e. Got a busy day. Then back to work. Friday

A.n.d

21 days. I am in a better place being gamble free. The longest in maybe 4years. Need to be strong as payday had arrived. The bank balance is unhealthy as catching up from my last binge. I can do it but will be a tight month again.

Onwards and upwards.

A.n.d

Thanks for your post A.N.D.

Actually those words i copie from a friends website about how he is trying to deal with his gambling disease ! Shocking isn't it where this gambling takes us.

Great to see your thinking things through and concentrating on those bills that need paying, its the only way to recover. All the best for you and your constant battle against our addiction.

Dark Place

Hi a new dawn just A quick message to say well done on you're 21 days 🙂

imagine the bank balance if you where still gambling? :-/ I really don't no how I got by?

Well done again Hollie xx