Everyone's journey, in our aim to become gambling-free, is different. As someone who has been touched (or should that be 'blighted') by this addiction for years, I continue to develop strategies to help understand why it's been happening and what to do about it.
For me, I've realised that I will always be susceptible (triggered) if certain conditions are met. Even with fairly stringent blocks - including pretty much minimal access to funds - a sneaky long-term addled gambling brain can still find a way. And so it's a question, for me, of keeping on top of, and refining, those blocks.
It's come down to my finances being 100% managed by by wife. I have 'pocket money'. (Heck, I've never understood money anyway.) And, for the last couple of months -where I've plugged gaps as I'm 'sneaky' - it's working. But no complacency.
Like I say, we are all different.
I appreciate I'm lucky. I have someone to whom I can be honest* with (*I've hidden certain lapses though, to be fair) and can take up the financial reins. It's not emasculating, just necessary. Strength through action. (I understand some of us do not have this kind of option to manage finances.)
But it's going to take much more than this blocker, fairly effective that it is. For me, and many of us, getting over-confident is something to always be wary of. So, time for another salvo as part of this battle: I'm writing a new diary. As a fellow recoverer (of 4 years+ standing!), adam123 has astutely observed - it's about getting a refresh, and a reappraisal of everything. Writing a diary will help. And an opportunity to read other diaries, and pitching in with support and suggestions.
Adam123, you have been wise counsel over the years, you have been ever-present here, really inspirational, truly. You are not here for the accolades or bouquets, but let it be said nevertheless.
So, have I 'cracked it', then: found a good blocker and keep a diary going?
Sadly, the answer is "No". Like many of us here, I need to keep on top of this. Keeping refining my blockers. Keep understanding. Listening, sharing and helping each other, like so many here do. Never forgetting the goal, the objective: why we're here. That is, to have a better live for ourselves, and, incidentally, our loved ones and friends. (They want us to be fulfilled). We know the gambling isn't the answer for us. And there's a better life out there away from it, even if we can't always see it at the time.
So dear diary: back again. It's a good thing though, a positive thing. Good to be back!
Hey mixer.....thanks for that.....that really makes sense.....lets keep focused by being on here and keeping our minds fresh to the insight that as allways gambling personally isnt good for us..
It takes reaffirming sometimes as our minds reminisce and see the positives of gambling and see the excitement gained but not the after regret we felt many a many time.
Great to see you back mate.....ur posts and guidance have helped many on here and now u can gain that support thru ur early gamble free days again.
Lets get up on the saddle, refocus set new objectives, put in place all the blockers, and continue to fight this addiction.
C u in chat lets help some newbies as allways
Adam
Hi
I was a person who did not get or understand that recovery program is abaout healing my pains.
Each time I went back to my addictions obsessions I would get to understand what my last emotional trigger was.
As I put more effort in to my recovery there was a change in me.
With my lies cames fears.
I use to beat my self up.
I use to call my self names.
The simple truth was I was my own worst enemy.
In time I exchanged my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
Today I am nearly clear of all emotional ties towards Gambling.
I do not want or need to gamble today.
When I do things today I do them willingly.
By doing thinsg resentfully I was nto getting any satisfaction from thsoe things.
I use to feel such a loner.
Todaay I am invested in to may relationships which are healthy
and I have intmacy.
If you work your recovery there is so much more one can achieve in their life.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave l
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Thank you, Adam, and Dave, for your replies.
Adam, I fully agree that occasionally we can lose sight of what we're fighting for - a better life - although any relapses quickly bring us all back down to earth with a bump. For many people, recovery from this addiction is a journey: we don't one day necessarily stop just-like-that (although, certainly, for many of us it's a the positive outcome that we all seek).
However, I retain the belief that we CAN stop gambling providing we develop, and maintain and continue to refine/improve, an ongoing strategy. This is strategy can comprise many facets we know.
One of these facets, and something that helps a lot of us, are the resources here on Gamcare which is pretty much a gateway to all guidance and direction we need. As well as chatting to Gamcare 24/7, the Forums and Group Chats are novel, well-run ways of sharing our thoughts in writing and something that particularly appeals to me (and you).
And it's here, as you say, where we can help ourselves, and, indirectly, fellow recoverers as well, in the same boat, address this blight of our lives, turning it around so that it becomes something we can learn from and not only be in recovery, but possibly be more understanding and - dare I say it - better people as a result? Or at least the vibrant people we used to be.
We never need to let this invidious impediment rule us, or follow us around like dark shadow on our lives. We need to rule (and manage) *it*. That way around, we're in the driver's seat. That's where we need to be. And, depending on who we are, how we are and other factors determines the effort we need to put in. Which, in my case, is rather a lot! But that's the way of it.
Dave, thank you for your words which are helpful to so many. It is about reading them, and reflecting, one line at a time. An overriding take-away from them is the peace of mind that comes with recovery. The lies, the stresses, the guilt, the fear, the worry - so much dissipates when we take control, take responsibility, submit the fact that we're human and need and accept help. It's never too late to do something but the earlier we do, the better. 'Now' is always the best time, of course.
We all have different ways of managing this problem. Some of us like to count the days we are GF (gambling free) and, it's true, there's immense satisfaction is watching those hard-fought days tot up. And then continue totting up!
But it sometimes doesn't work like that and occasionally we restart at Day 0.
I've had a few of those Days 0s but keep getting back up again and improving, refining my strategy in a seemingly endless game of poacher/gamekeeper. (The poacher finding ever more sneaky ways to veer off-track and the gamekeeper constantly on the lookout to stop him).
Counting days doesn't work for me (although it works for many, many people - hey, we're all different). And so I manage and gauge 'success' when I have a long spell without relapsing, and even more success when I put in extra blockers to really ensure I plug the gaps ever better.
And of course, coming here to Gamcare with the Forums and Chat adds another layer of protection. It's giving my addicted, mad brain (mine is like a Flea Circus, stuff, mostly c**P stuff, going off in all directions) a different way of thinking, e.g. getting addicted/fixated on the Chat/Forums instead. Whatever works, whatever helps!
it one day at a time...... not days......everyday we focus on that day......thats where our strength lies.....not looking at our past or looking too far ahead..... focusing on today.....
lets make the most of today
Spot on Adam, one day at a time it is. Tried and tested, and that'll do.
Had a good day today. Well, it's always a better day in recovery.
Short and sweet tonight. 'Steady as we sail' my maxim.
Time to catch up with my diary. I’ll say this till the day that I die, but: having someone else having financial control makes a huge difference to me. Not just the practicalities, nor the oversight, but also knowing that someone else is there, with me, supporting me. What a comfort. I realise I am lucky in this regard and not everyone has a guardian angel (in my case, my wife). I am grateful that I do.
For those of us without this option, there are things we can do. We can seek genuine advice with GamCare who in turn can recommend and facilitate contact with other agencies, like counselling, support networks (the Chatrooms here are immensely helpful to many and the Diaries are read by everyone), Stepchange (for sympathetic and non-judgemental management of financial problems) and much more.
We are never alone. Us humans are a communicative bunch, so let’s, when we need to, talk, write, interact. We CAN take this dragon. Seeking help, and admitting that we need help, is a sign of strength.
Lets start to sort this! And talking to through, and continuing to talk and walk it through, together helps share our journey to a better life and more fulfilled US.
No matter when we start. There’s only one good time, and that’s NOW. Forget the past for a moment - we can only influence what happens from this moment onwards.
Hello diary. Today, my motto is: less is more. Sometimes, I don't want to write much, but I do want to check in. And so that's all I'll do today. Sometimes: less is more.
Just checking in. Keeping busy, and keeping busy is the enemy of dangerous distractions.
ur rolling mixer.....lets do this
Thanks Adam! Yup, one day at a time, full blocks: that'll do.
Thanks for bringing support
Thanks Adam. Helping others helps ourselves ... I believe in good karma 🙂
Just a quick catch up post; still in the saddle!
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