Back to MY Future

Day 32 today and still no urges to gamble. Kept myself busy by washing both cars, one inside too and now looking fwd to watching the football tonight knowing I can cheer on my team without wanting them to win by a certain amount of goals or wishing the other team would score cos im cheering on the goals. CRAZY!

I feel so much more relaxed at the moment and stress free, I really cant understand why I would want to gamble agiain and put myself and my wife through the pain again.

Heres to another 32 days

5 weeks done today. No urges to gamble and feeling strong. Next counselling session is on wed so looking fwd to that.

Back in a few days

36 days today

That was my lucky number! So i used to think anyway! That was my old house number. I never used to gamble on the roulette much in the bookies but enough for me to realise how addictive they were. Everyone knows the odds and yet note after note still gets put in them. I was guilty of this myself and more often than not when i was chasing. 35/1, 37 numbers 97.2% chance...CRAZY

0,5,17,36. Were my lucky numbers, not so lucky afterall. Seems idiotic looking back on it now but thats how it gets hold of you. I will never let it get hold of me again, no way.

I have a friend who I used to gamble with a lot, He is definately a compulsive gambler, the sort that has to put a bet on every race as soon as the last one loses/finishes. He wont have it though. I explained how I am now seeking counselling help and that I think he should think about quitting too. I know he has money problems. The problem I think though is that he wont quit till he hits rock bottom. Thas what it took for me and its a shame it has to go this way. Im sure it will. Maybe i ll talk to him again tomorrow try and convince him we should quit together, help each other out. Im sure he will say no.

Anyway, 36 days for me and for once it is a lucky number!

Hi Biff, thanks for your comments on my diary. Nice to see another opening batsmen smashing gambling through the covers!

I've just read your diary. You are doing great. It's amazing how the stress and anxiety just melts away and you become the person you should be.

As you and I both know (as binge gamblers) we can stop for a few months before going back harder than before. Don't give gambling any sniff of weakness. I haven't looked at a racing page for nearly a year.

How are things with your wife? Are you regaining the trust that you shattered? It takes time but it can be done. It's one thing stopping gambling but it's another thing to stop the suspicious behaviour that is still within us.

I'm really impressed that you have been open and honest with your wife and friends. Many of the successful diaries have taken this approach (but not all....it takes a great deal of strength to do this on your own).

As for your lucky numbers......forget them! I used to be very superstitious. I've bibber them all and no longer believe in all that horsesh@t!

As you know, you can only give up gambling when YOU are ready. You're friend will have to realise this in his own time.

Well done fella and not long till the season starts.

Russ

Day 37.

Hi Russ thx for your comments. It was pretty horrible for a week after i told her but recently it feels like how it was beforehand which is great and only have her to thank for that.

Another day done and plenty more to come...back later in the week

Well that was pretty embarrassing!!

Cricket training tonight and i told my team mates I had quit gambling and why. A few were pretty shocked and I could feel they felt sorry for me. I hate people feeeling sorry for me, but hey I put myself in this situation and Im going to get myself out of it.

Right well another day tomorrow. With Cheltenham on today we were doing a free competition at work to see the best tipster, i almost entered but decided against it, I know nothing about horses anyway so no real point I just slmost got caught up in all the excitement over the 1st race. Glad i didnt,

Another day to tick off and one more tomorrow. Good luck everyone

England through..just

Boredom was one of the main things that came out of my session yesterday. I think that is partly true but there are always other things I could have done instead, and these are the things i will be doing from now on.

Still completly uninterested in gambling which is pleasing, i think ive had a complete mind change now and so gambling isnt a thought at the moment. Long may it continue but im by no means saying im through it.

40 days now which is starting to sound like a high number. 50 and 100 are my next targets

Speak soon.......

Hi Biff, I noticed that you have told your fellow cricketers. That must have taken a great deal of guts.....I'm not sure if I could do that. I can remember when a golfing mate of mine came clean that they were a cg. I didn't feel sorry for him at all.....in fact I felt a great deal of warmth and admiration towards him. I'm sure your team mates feel the same. I don't think you will ever gamble again. Russ

biff/russ,

i have read your correspondence as i have with everyones for the last two days.

can i have some advice?

is it better to go for one to one counselling or group in the initial stages?

also i havent told anyone what i am di=oing at present as i am worried about their reactions but how long did it take before telling your partners and friends?

this is only my second day without betting but i want to get to the stage where it is the last thing on my mind.

hope to hear from you

lee

Thanks Russ thats always good to hear that someone has confidence in you.

Lee I dont think there is a 'best' option I guess its upto you and how you feel, but its excellent that you recognise the fact you need help. I thought id feel more comfortable in a 1 on 1 session so thats why i went for that. It was the hardest thing Ive ever had to do telling people. At first i told my brother then a few weeks later my wife. This was the main hurdle, after that I felt a lot better about it, its tough to start with but youve just got to bite the bullet. As my brother said to me its amazing how people are always willing to help. After that just tell people as you feel fit and when u feel comfortable too. I do think tho the more ppl that know the less likely you are to gamble again cos u have so many ppl looking out for you. Yes it's embarrassing at first but what would you rather? feel embarrassed for 5 mins or that feeling that youve just done your money and youve got to go another month before you get paid and do it all over again. I know what id rather EVERY TIME. Anyway goodluck to you I wish you well.

Oh by the way Russ, great work mate on your 1st year!

Well ive made it to 6 weeks now!

Sit and watched the football scores this afternoon which kept me entertained for a few hrs. I used to find it hard sitting through the football without having a bet but its 2nd nature now. How did spurs not win??

Im skiing next weekend so if I can make it to next saturday then its pretty much 2 weeks for the price of 1 as its pretty tough to gamble in the alps!

42 days done 8 to go then the next 50....

Well done Biff keep it up.

i cannot believe spurs didnt win either,but your right i did the same yesterday and after my little wobble in the morning felt good watching the football without having the thought have i won/lost and screaming at teams who should have won and claiming the world is bent.

it felt really good,and i slept well without going to sleep thinking of how to win and reclaim money back.

also well done you are inspiring people like me as well as yourself,so thankyou.

Thanks guys the support you get on here really does help and if it helps people reading mine then im glad that it helps in that way too.

I had my 3rd counselling session last night and things are going great. I am a million miles away from gambling at the moment and feel really strong. What i have to remember tho is altho it is easy at the moment i dont want to get to complacent and think its 'beaten'. I will never think that as i realise how easy it could be to be sucked in again. I do realise though that I must stay mentally strong. These are the words I use to keep myself going.

47 days today 3 more days for my half century!

Its been a week or so since my last post having been on holiday and having y 30th birthday today, its been quite a busy 10 days.

Tomorrow is 60 days since my last bet. It has gone really quickly and althogh I normally like a bet on the masters this week, I definately wont be this year. Tempting though but I wont miss losing the money.

Until next time...