Back to Square One

Day 37

Last day at work today thank goodness. I'm looking forward to a nice break and intend to take stock of my goals (personal and financial) in the hope that 2015 can be happier than 2014 has been. My retrun to full-on gambling at the end of August completely ruined all the good work I'd done prior to that but it's made me stronger.

I'd like to think I've reached the stage where I want to hold on to my gambling-free status more than I want to place that next bet.

Hi Paul,

Well done on 37 days, and that is a very positive frame of mind to have when you want to hold on to your gamble free days much more than the thought of betting.

Suzanne xx

Day 39

Merry Christmas to all.

Quick post before the craziness starts...

Really pleased to have got this far. I was really struggling September, October and November - glad I've broken the cycle.

Felt tempted for a moment yesterday but it quickly passed.

No room for gambling in my life.

Excellent paulll

Hope you had a fantastic Xmas mate

Mba

Day 45

Here we are then - the last day of 2014. I will be glad to see the back of it in truth.

For me it was a year split distinctly in two. From Jan-Aug things were going well. I was paying off debts, running regularly, setting and meeting personal goals related to running, I got a new job in April - things were seemingly looking up. Then a depression hit early August and I fought it at first, seeking help from my GP and talking to my girlfriend about my feelings. Then the worst of it came as a stupidly got drawn into gambling when the new football season started. Things quickly escalated and after a few large but fleeting wins I was in a terrible place. I don't want to recall in detail what happened but it's all in this diary.

My last bet was 16/11/2014. I had counselling sessions from October through to December and they've helped to unravel my thoughts and I understand myself a lot better now. There's a lot of work to be done though and I'm still struggling with my moods and a distinct lack of self-worth.

I will keep fighting though and I hope that 2015 will see the good times return again.

Hi Paul

Happy new year, and it will be a good one as long as we stay gamble free.

Suzanne xx

DAY 47

Struggling a bit today. Been quite tempted to gamble. I haven't come close as the blocks I have in place make it difficult but the temptation is there. Feeling really down too. Back to work on Monday and the day is looming like an impending prison sentence. I've decided I want to get out of the line of work I'm in and do something completely different. By abstaining from gambling and paying off my remaining debts (hoping for end of March for credit card) then I can take a pay cut if necessary and do something less stressful and perhaps more rewarding.

Can't go back to gambling.

Day 50

Really pleased to have got this far. I don't think I could have done it without this site and the support from others, so thank you.

Still very early days but I feel like I've well and truly broken the cycle that I was caught up in for a few months last year. I'm not gambling but I'm still very much feeling the effects, mentally and financially. However, the end of my credit card debt is in sight which is great, and once that's gone I'm going to start saving so that I can give myself a few more choices in life.

Back to work today which I'm dreading but once I have some savings behind me I might actually be able to leave this job and do something less stressful and more suited to my personality.

Well done Paul on 50 days. It's a good milestone to reach,

Suzanne xx

I know how you feel Paul. I hope your first day back at work isn't too bad. Get through to the end of March and then re-evaluate your situation once you are debt-free. Good luck.

Hi Paul

Well done on 50 days, you've proven in the past you can do this long term. Paying off a credit card or other form of gambling debt is a massive achievemnt and one that should be backed up with a nice reward.

I try to treat myself to a decent treat each gamble free month as it would have been wasted on gambling so is easily justifiable.

I'd keep as many blocks in place as you can to beat complacency, keep buying betfilter etc. This is my plan after a few long term efforts got wasted with the feel of being 'cured'.

Take care and good luck

James

Hi Paul,

Just catching up with peoples diaries. Great to see you making the 50 day mark - well done !. I think recovery is different for everyone, but for me it was really completely about "breaking the cycle" as you say, once I was out of that I was able to feel far stronger and make much more rational choices without the fear of gambling taking hold again, I am really pleased to hear that you feel you have reached this point as well.

As everyone says "the pilot light is always lit" with gambling recovery and complacency must be guarded against, of course but I think you have reached that stage where you can sit back and take stock of the fact that you have broken the initial cycle and made some real progress. I hope things are far easier for you from here on out - things like sorting out your job situation can only help things further (and of course I doubt you could have focused on this when you were in the throws of gambling addiction) so its definitely a positive cycle now.

Stick with it mate.

FM.

Day 52

Thank you Suzanne, pellekanin, James and FM.

Tough day today. Had to call in sick from work as I just wasn't up to it mentally. It's strange to think that throughout my gambling episodes I still managed to turn up to work and just about get by. Now, having stayed stopped for over 50 days the reality of facing real life is proving to be a greater challenge. I guess this just goes to show how I've used gambling as an escape to blank out difficult truths, and now it's about dealing with them. Hopefully my absence from work won't cause greater stress when I return. However, I've decided that I need to leave this job for something less stressful so perhaps that acceptance will make life easier and I won't have to worry so much.

Hi Paul,

52 days very well done stay strong and positive, and just push through those negative days, the aftermath of gambling occasionally wears us out without us even realising it.

Suzanne xx

Just checking in to say well done paulll. 52 days is excellent. Just remember however stressed you maybe never go back to betting it will make it worse.

Happy thoughts mate

Mba