Wow, nearly 5 years since my last post.
I’m still married, now with a 2-year-old and another one on the way.
Managed about 4 years gamble free but the run came to end around April last year. The first relapse was quickly snuffed out - it was an evening of disappointment but I just self excluded straight away and forgot about the money I lost. Same thing happened in September, lost a decent amount in one evening but self excluded again and carried on where I left off.
The real trouble started in November with the purchase of a single lottery ticket. A few days later I was football betting and it was all just a bit of fun to begin with but then the World Cup came along and I was betting on every game. Despite knowing it was a bad idea I was actually enjoying it. I made a decent profit and said to myself I’d stop after the final. This didn’t happen and because there weren’t games on every day any more I soon got bored and was dabbling with roulette and blackjack again. It’s been a pretty hellish couple of months. Christmas was awful, playing roulette on phone in the bathroom while family were opening presents was a particular low point. As was £100+ spins on roulette one night whilst pregnant wife was working an overtime night shift.
I’ve somehow got away without causing any financial damage but my state of mind and general health is rock bottom.
can’t keep doing this to myself, so I’m self excluded again and back on my diary.
last bet 22nd January 2022
@paulll oh dear what is the reason you return to gambling, if you want to quit for good you need make adjustments to your life you have to change for the better temptations will be always be their until death im only 6 week GF ive done few years without a relapse this time i am more determined then ever before i made a promise to myself no matter how hard life gets i will change my addiction to any other addiction gambling is dead to me
@tazman Hi there, I think the reasons are fairly complicated with various interconnected threads. But at the heart of it I think it was because I was bored and lonely. My wife works shifts including nights and I’m often left to look after our daughter on my own having been at work myself all day. A pretty feeble excuse I know and doesn’t excuse my actions. I’m done now though and need to return to doing the things that I know are helpful. I will hopefully share these methods at a later date but for now I’m feeling pretty low and just getting through the day without gambling is an achievement in itself.
Sorry for rambling multiple posts but just getting thoughts out there.
A few months before this bad gambling episode I noticed I was showing addictive tendencies to seemingly harmless activities such as selling things on eBay, doing online surveys and obsessing over finances. In hindsight I probably should have been more self aware but after so long complacency definitely crept in. I have also been drinking far too much and diet has been awful. All red flags and indeed gambling reared it’s head when I was taking a break from alcohol. Swapping one addiction for another maybe?
I also gambled because of boredom and loneliness. I guess it was a form of escapism. I also found any financial stresses - household bills, etc - could trigger me. Although the reality is that we generally only end up making things worse for ourselves. I also gambled throughout the world cup, against my better judgement, but once you place the first bet it is so hard to stop. I've also been in the position you mention about hiding away in another room such as the bathroom and gambling while the rest of the family do something far more wholesome. Draw that line in the sand and move forward - for your family's sake if nothing else.
Day 6.
Feel like I’ve put a stop to what has been 3 months of madness. It’s taken it’s toll physically and mentally. I have no desire to continue down the gambling path, the stakes are too high now. I’m risking losing my family and possibly my life if I carry on.
It’s been a rough week dealing with emotions and situations that I’ve repressed through gambling.
Today I feel slightly better and for that I’m grateful.
Hi
It is important to keep going to healthy meetings.
Clean time can not be lost.
Each time we go back to our addictions and our obsessions is alesson if we want to learn from our last unhealthy reaction.
The recovery program was and is about healing my hurt inner child.
The recovery program is not about who is right or worng.
The recovery program is about learning to exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits .
The consequences of painful times in my life was fears I did not understand.
The recovery program helped me help my self.
The recovery program asked me to be honest to myself.
The recovery program asked me to put more effort and time in to my recovery than the effort I put in to my addictions and my obsessions.
How much am I willing to invest in to my recovery today.
How much do I want to get healthier in my life now.
Dave L
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