Back to Square One

Well done Paul,

this is a mad disease, why we cant control it I dont know , but the end result is always the same I too stopped for 80 or so days & then bang all hell broke loose, I am on day 9 today & am feeling the same way as you but I do know 1 thing it will only get batter if we dont give in to the urges,

Stay strong..

Well Done Paul in remaining bet free for a week!

Had a read of your diary and know that you can continue onwards and upwards as you have done it for so long before

Right behind you

Hope you have a great bet free day

Lucy

(Still) DAY 8

It was this time last week that I was blowing the last of my money on roulette.

I've finished work for the week now and despite having a weekend away with the lads to look forward to all I can think about is gambling.

I'm having crazy notions of playing slots or blackjack instead of roulette...

It's been an OK week really as well so I can't blame the urges on stress... it's as if I want to try and get one over on the casino 'one last time' ...ha ha what an idiot.

I've got about 3 hours to kill before the girlfriend gets home, so I guess I'll just try and busy myself with housework to avoid gambling... how boring!

I must keep this going. It's probably only this diary that stopped me going in bookies on my lunch break.

I will not gamble today because it makes me severely unhappy

Well, I wont lie - today has been bloody difficult.

I've wanted a gamble since about 11 o clock this morning! Just writing that makes me shake my head and laugh nervously...

I've not had urges as bad as this before. I can't put my finger on it! It's not because I think I'm going to win and want the money for anything in particular, or even to reduce my debts a little bit. I think I just want to do it for the thrill of it, to be rebellious, cheap(!) kicks....

I've excluded myself from all but one website... FretBed - you have to fill in a form to complete the process, so I've put it off... terrible excuse I know but I can't do it on my laptop cos I've got betfilter, so I'll have to wait until work on Monday.

I'm clinging on by my fingernails, but will be positive and say that for the rest of today I will not gamble.

Tomorrow's another day. Here's hoping it's easier than today has been.

DAY 9

Still gamble free!

Read some very moving diaries on here this morning, and that will be enough to get me through today without placing a bet.

Best wishes to all

Hi Paul, just wanted to say well done over the past few days, where the urges have obviously been difficult. I can only say that once I'd blocked my computer a weight was lifted off my shoulders to some extent... still get urges... but in the knowledge that I can't do anything about them seems to cut them shorter and shorter. So I would suggest you get the fretbed sorted out, as I am sure that somewhere in the back of your mind, that is one of the things that is leading to the strength of these urges.

Well done and keep strong

Jon

hi paul,

can you hand your money to your girlffriend?no money no gambling.i know its hard but its the only way not gambling.

i handed my wage to my mother, told her everything about gambling.she knows now i m ill.she will be asking me every day if i gabmle, where the money i ask her goes etc.i didnt have another option

take care

DAY 11

No gambling problems.

I feel pretty shocking though from a big weekend of boozing.

I have no inclination to gamble, the strong urges I was having on Friday have passed, so that's good.

Now that the dust has settled from my last binge I just can't believe how stupid I've been. I was feeling pretty good up until I started gambling again, but now feel very low. Will take a bit of time to get back to feeling OK again I think, but get there I will.

DAY 12

No gambling problems.

The urge for that 'one last bet' that was plaguing me last week has passed, and the feelings of disbelief and stupidity at what I've done are coming to the fore.

I mustn't be too hard on myself though, as I managed to nip it in the bud just before the debts and the lies became too much - in other words I got away with it - just.

One thing is for sure that I've got this problem for life, and I mustn't fool myself into thinking that I can gamble sensibly or control it, because I can't.

I've got to knuckle down and get the debts paid off whilst also building myself again. This latest binge has totally floored me and I feel pretty down and lacking confidence and even motivation to do the things I like doing.

Hi Paul,

Well done on 12 days mate (Remember we are both on 12 days today). Keep up the good work as you've got me to go bet free with, so we'll support each other. I haven't had any urges for a while now and have been paid and don't control my finances anymore, which is making me feel better. Hope you enjoy the rest of your week, I will be reading your diary, so try and come on every day, just to let me know how you are doing.

Cheers

Wilsy

DAY 13

No gambling problems.

I've been very stressed out, snappy and moody today - feelings that I haven't experienced that much until I started gambling again.

I've taken some positive steps with the job application, even if I don't get the promotion it lets those in charge know that I've got a bit of ambition, so it can't do me any harm.

Feeling a bit calmer than I was earlier, the sun is shining, I've paid a few bills and I'm not gambling.

Well done mate on checking in, were both half way through our thirteenth days, let's remain bet free. I was like you are on Monday, was really moody and couldn't be arsed with anything. Pleased neither of us are having any urges so that's good.

Tomorrow you'll probably feel happier but at least you are looking to do other things to occupy yourself.

Cheers mate

Wilsy

DAY 14

No gambling today.

DAY 15

No gambling today.

It's been a challenging week, and I'm looking forward to a chilled out weekend.

Need to get myself back in less anxious place.

DAY 16

No gambling today.

It's been a testing day. My mum has noticed that I don't seem quite right and has asked if anything wrong. Obviously I said I was fine.

Girlfriend asked why I didn't go out with my friends last night. I said I couldn't afford it as we are going on holiday later in the month - something I could really do without from a financial point of view. She seemed to believe me but it's gonna be hard keeping up this act