Back to Square One

Hi Paul,

Firstly mate, we've made it to 16 days, so we've done brilliantly. You've had a down couple of days and you are worrying about finances which is understandable but don't give in to the gambling demon, he is testing your resolve and you are going to win, because I need you right beside me buddy, we can do this. Home you feel happier tomorrow.

Wilsy

Day 17

No gambling today.

Had one or two small urges to have a bet possibly out of impatience regarding my debts.

I've not done anything all weekend because I've got no money because of pre-arranged social engagements and an upcoming holiday - which was paid for before my recent gambling slip.

It's difficult making up excuses to friends and family as to why I'm just sitting around all day doing nothing... and that's when the thought of trying to win £20 odd so that I can afford to go out for a beer or something.

Need to get this sorted out cos it's not healthy and I can already feel the anxiety and depression that I've had in the past looming large. In a few months I should be in a bit of a better place financially, but until then I guess I better hold on tight cos it's gonna be a bumpy ride alright.

There is nothing wrong with doing nothing all weekend. Many things are free like a jog or walk in the park.

You have things to look forward to. In these recovery journeys of ours, we have to make sacrifices.

Like having to have non-spending weekends!

NT

DAY 18

My recent posts have been a bit negative, but I'm feeling a little more positive today.

The long weekend is nearly over and although I've not done a great deal, it hasn't been so bad.

In previous attempts at recovery I've always had credit available to me so I've not had to make any real sacrifices - even treating myself to clothes, electronics, days out etc as reward for not gambling. This time is different, as the credit has all gone but it's proving to be a valuable lesson and I'm learning the value of money again.

This time next year I won't be sat at home doing nothing. I'll have money in my pocket, nice clothes and all through not gambling.

I'm looking forward to that day.

Alright Paul, I haven't done much either and today I am just kipping in my room with the TV on low, only coming out for a bite to eat or something to drink.

Just think all of those days not spending means that in a month or two's time, we'll have more money to enjoy the summer and by not going out, we aren't tempted to gamble, instead choosing to recover in the safety of our homes.

Don't worry, you'll do lovely things soon.

Stay strong, with you every step my friend

Wilsy

DAY 19

No gambling.

DAY 20

Still early in the day, but I have no desire or need to gamble. As the days mount up it's nice to put a bit of time between oneself and the last gambling binge. I am still as vulnerable as ever to that first bet, and that's the one to avoid.

DAY 21

No gambling today.

Well done Paul on 21 days, I am still going with you and am 21 days free still as well. Come on!!!! 🙂

Wilsy

DAY 22

Three weeks gamble free now.

It's passed very quickly, yet seems a long time ago. I'm so pleased to have broken the cycle, and can now concentrate on staying stopped and life improving.

I am impatient for my debts to be gone, or at least down to a more manageable level. This impatience can often lead to gambling again especially when the end of the debt is in sight, so I need to be wary of this.

This weekend will be another very low-key affair as I the only money I have is needed for a wedding next weekend, then the following weekend I'm going on holiday.

So, despite making lots of sacrifices there are still things for me to look forward to and I mustn't get too impatient about the debt and start wishing I was a few months down the line.

'Good things happen when I don't gamble' is a phrase that has rung true on more than one occasion in previous attempts at stopping - and this time will be no different. I'm hopeful that that something good is just around the corner provided I remain gamble free.

Have a good weekend folks.

Well done on 22 days bet free mate, myself you and Juliette are all going strong on the same number of days.

I too am like you, want things to happen to quickly, we are impatient. Finance will get so much better for you, now you are not gambling.

Be pleased my friend you are on the right tracks now and I'll be having a low-key weekend as well but at least it is the last weekend of the football season, there are bound to be a few dramas and the weather tomorrow is set to be nice.

Take care Paul

Your pal, Wilsy

DAY 23

Not a good day today. I've been cooped up indoors all day idly browsing the internet and it's driving me crazy. Felt close to going down the bookies for an escape - but decided against it and cut the grass instead. It was really, really hard to do something constructive...

Not gambling isn't enough. I need to raise my self-esteem, socialise more, eat better, take more pride in my appearance... but I'm so f*****g low I can barely type these things let alone set about doing them...

Gambling has provided an escape from these feelings in the past, then just spat me back out and made the situation a whole lot worse.

I won't gamble today, the consequences just don't bear thinking about.

Feeling a bit better than I was a few hours ago and trying to be positive and get some perspective on my situation.

I worked out that it's exactly 6 months, 28 weeks, 196 days until one of my biggest loans will be paid off. Although the debt will still be quite substantial, I will be able to juggle my finances and start living more comfortably again.

So I'm going to make the commitment to document my 6 month journey on this diary because I think it's important that I learn my lessons from this and don't ever want to be this downtrodden again.

A lot can happen in 6 months, here's to making sure I make the right choices along the way.

196 days to go....

195 days to go

No gambling today.

All over the place emotionally, need to just calm down and try not to stress about the debt. Yes I'm on the edge financially but with every passing day the debt is decreasing.

By not gambling and being patient, I WILL get there in the end.

Last gamble 20th April 2012

Thought i'd drop in and give you my thoughts. Before anything else - congratulations on the time you have chosen not to gamble!!!

Now, firstly it seems to be a common theme among us, that there is a wish for a magic wand to come and wipe away the debts we create as me fed our demons. We must realise that this is impossible, there is no quick fix, and that we ultimately must accept that it will take months, years in some cases before the debt is gone. There is help out there for this - i'd strongly recommend a visit to the local Citizen's Advice if people are struggling with this aspect. It frustrates me too, and I could perhaps contribute more each month to drive the debt down quicker. But we must live our own lives, and we need money to function - rent, food, clothing, the basics.

Rather than the internet, why not put on a couple of DVD's to pass the time? Into music? Switch on the radio, listen to something a bit different for a change - even have a look online, there's a world of radio stations out there. What interests do you have, are there any magazines out there that you could buy and read up on? What about a trip to the library? There are plenty of options for us all out there, it's a big wide world, go explore it!

I particularly like your idea of counting down to certain milestones as you go with this, rather than counting up - it's an idea I might steal for myself!!

Keep it going Paul - you are already beating this.

Hi Paul,

Well done on 23 days bet free, you're doing it mate, it's tough, I can understand how low you feel because of the debts but you will ride this and every day you don't gamble, your situation will improve.

Have a good week this week, stay strong.

Wilsy