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You can do this lulu. Hope you feel a little stronger with each passing day.
Take care x

Thanks lml how’s you? X

Still rough days but I know it’ll get better onwards and upwards

Really strong urges to gamble why???? When I know i may as well burn the money! Really want to sit staring at my phone watching reels spin and getting that ‘buzz’ from even a near miss

It really does consume me so glad I’ve got cash point only card plus have self excluded to the max, thank fully I found out when starting back on the terrible road that if you’ve self excluded from one site then that operator won’t let you join another of theirs but....there’s just soooo many popping up there really should be a blanket self exclusion too. Been reading ppls diaries and whenever I feel that old enemy creeping up on me I will come here mostly or just curl up in a ball and wish the world away. So sad to be like that but it is so early days for me yet gonna keep fighting

Hi Lulubobs1966,

I like the fact that you are questioning yourself about your urges and identifying it's not abou tthe money but about the buzz. I would like to re-assure you that the urge eventually faceds away when you don't feed it (i.e gamble) but it gets stronger when you do the next time it come around.

Make sure you block your device from accessing gambling site. It is equally important to self-exclusion. In this way you won't be able to open a new account. Read here about it:

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software#.VCA52fldXww

Best wishes,

Forum Admin

Hi lulu,
Unfortunately and believe me when i say this, I know where you're coming from 100%.
It upsets me to think I still want to throw money away and like you, I've had to resort to a cashpoint only card.
We've got to do this lulu, for our own sanity. When we keep throwing money away and (in my case) get deeper and deeper into debt my head just tells me I'm a useless, worthless, waste of space.
When I haven't gambled for a while the fog lifts and I realise I'm not so bad and it is worth getting up in the morning after all.
I confessed all to my grown up children. That's helped me mentally but it hasn't made it much easier to stop. I wish I could flick a switch but unfortunately life's not like that.
I have to be prepared to put the hard slog into it, accept my losses and not beat myself up too much. I am what I am. I'm hoping that is a compulsive gambler who manages to come good. I know I'm the only one who can make this happen.
This site helps immensely.
I can tune into it any time of the day or night. Not may people truly understand compulsive gamblers.
I can't blame them, I don't understand me too.
I just take it a day at a time. If I can go to bed not having gambled then I'm happy. X

Thanks admin and lml yes definitely going to bed not having gambled is good. I’m still struggling but still at it. Wanted to buy scratch cards but thought that’s still gambling believe it or not I was going to spend at least £50! Madness complete madness. I’m so tired of fighting the urges already but a new day brings new energy to fight this awful addiction

One thing I’ve realised from last time I was here is that I posted a lot but didn’t read as much, this time I’m reading loads and it’s really helping. To know I’m not alone and all the stories so many just like my own. A couple of things I’ve realised is that I’ve just not accepted my losses and the years I’ve spent gambling but I’ll be working on those in particular the amounts lost as what has kept me driving back every time is chasing, wanting to ‘put it right’ it sickens me I’ve lost so much, I really must get my head around it. Put it down to experience and when I’m further down recovery help other ppl like I’ve been helped. Thank you everyone for sharing

Well done for resisting the urges lulu.
Listen to you . . . £50 on scratchcards! So understandable with this addiction that you can consider blowing this amount and because the odds are massive that's just what will happen - you'd be blowing the money away. If not this time, it would be the next but you know in the future the money will go anyway and more!
Just think what you could do with that £50 instead. A lovely meal out, new boots for winter, even an over night stay in a hotel (Groupon! ) so much more enjoyable than beating ourselves up for being stupid again! X

Hi lml yes that sounds much better doesn’t it spending money on those things, I’ve forgotten last time I treated myself as all my money went on the slots. The £50 I got yesterday was unexpected so my first thought was gambling straight to default/habit/addiction but yes didn’t do it and today I’m proud of myself and haven’t really had any urges today which is a relief! How are you lml hope your good, your doing so very well and do you feel better? Thank you for your support we are two peas in a pod I also played on demos when I’d run out of money, crazy! But then again not when you look at the science side of the compulsion and things like dopamine rushes just watching the reels spin, playing demos keeps us getting that to an extent but we need to look at better ways for that dopamine raise don’t we. Thanks lml X

Had such a lovely surprise when I looked at my account 5 days gf! I don’t count as it doesn’t seem to help me but when I periodically look I get such a buzz when I see the days mounting up. I’ve just been trying to get my head around amount of money lost over 20 years and I feel that I’m getting there and why I kept going back. I was diagnosed with PTSD about 8 weeks ago, finally, after (funnily enough) 20 years of nightmares flashbacks anxiety depression paranoia. The bad stuff happened over quite a few years and I’m now receiving intensive therapy which I honestly believe is opening the door to me quitting once and for all. The first few days have been rough with urges but having stopped before I knew the consuming addiction would wear away but I’m under no illusion it’ll not come back, hence cashpoint only bank card. That really is helping. First day virtually no urges, here’s to a gf life permanently

Well done on five days gamble free lovely!

We are all here for you and I do know what you mean about these forums gambling is such a lonely addiction not easily talked about. Being able to chat and connect with others here is a lifeline we really need. X

I'm OK thanks. It never ceases to amaze me how much better I feel with a few gf days under my belt.
I've just got to keep it going now. I know this is easier said than done.
If I get urges, I remind myself of my upsetting christmas's past and that this Christmas I want to feel good about myself. That usually helps me to move on.
My daughter asked if I'd been on the slots lately. I said no because I can't (no online card) I've told her this before but I think she has to hear me say it! She asked if I was OK about it. For some reason my mouth just clamped shut. Maybe because I didn't want to say 'no I'm not OK about it.' Its Still hard to admit it's difficult to stop. Maybe it's because I know it makes me sound stupid - after all, why would It make me happy to get further and further into debt??
Anyway, sorry for the waffle but you did ask! haha!
Keep going, as you said, those days are ticking along nicely x

Slipped gutted absolutely gutted