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Hi sjwsjw we must have posted at same time lol Thank you a real boost, yes that’s how I feel ‘lost’ a bit at sea. Like you say being consumed. Wow sjw 10 weeks that’s fantastic I can’t wait to get there too! Well done! Thank you sjw x

Well done on one week Lulu!

As of self exclusions. They do help but you're right - there are many more sites to find if we want to..ive been there and done that million times!. Why not to try a blocking software? I got GamBan and it's working wonders! Cheap as licence for a year is only £10 and easy to install ..and you can't uninstall it either!
As of the casinos and outside venues. I'm afraid more self exclusions should take place.
Try and not carry cash/ cards with you. Put as much protection as possible.

Most importantly work at yourself. Acknowledge triggers/ emotions.

Gambling is not a solution and we both know that. It's devastating/ destroying addiction and we do it to ourselves.
It's like we are abusing ourselves...we wouldn't do that to others so why should we do it to ourselves?

Worth a thought.

Self care and kindness plays big part in this journey.

I wish you well & goodnight from me!

S&B xx

Hi SJB! Thank you! Yes one week soon 8 days I’m so pleased with myself. I looked up Gamban and it’s coming soon for IOS so I’ll keep checking for that because that would really put my mind at rest, I’d never realised that it was so cheap too! Thank you for that. I’ve took on board what you said about self care and kindness too I’ve always beat myself up but I’ve been kind to myself this time and it really does make a difference. Hard to explain apart from the feeling good when you do something nice for yourself, never been good at that lol. Really appreciate all your advice. Hope your all good. X

Nearly 8 days. Not actually had many thoughts as been so busy. Now I’m chilling and being nice to myself for once. Had one or two issues this morning but it didn’t make me want to gamble. Woman I work with now (was cover job but took it on permanently now) is funny not ha ha funny so that’s upsetting my equilibrium. Anyway still gamble free next goal two weeks

Keep going Lulu. Next target it 9 days 😛 One day at a time. The milestones will come to you if you just focus on each day as it comes.

Hi sjwsjw thank you yes I needed reminding of that one day at time think I said previously I’m impatient lol just proved it lol. I’ve just read my emails and had two from sites I’d opened accounts with but hadn’t gambled in cos they didn’t have games I knew so I’ve immediately self excluded no messing around I do admit oh that thought was there get my debit card back and have a go. I actually caught myself thinking ‘something to look forward to’! Then thank god from the help and support of ppl like you I then thought ‘oh yeah look forward to losing money and feel awful again?’ This site is amazing and the ppl here just reading diaries keeps me strong thank you sjw another boost much needed hope your all good x

I think most of us share the tag of 'impatient'. Again something we all have to get our heads around in recovery. Access to gambling is 24/7 and plays into this trait for sure.

All them emails are asking for is YOUR money. Keep hold of it and your sanity and stay away. Allow yourself the time you need to start to really see what this has done to you and how you CAN repair the damage moving forwards. Give it time by just staying away. I found i spent many hours here at first. Not always posting but i was learning a lot and seeing many of the same things in my story as in others. Once the days start racking up you will have the frame of mind to think about what else you need to do to help yourself out of this.

Take care.

Well that was close thank fully because of you ppl on here messages of support and reading diaries I avoided another disaster cos that’s what it would have been. I had two emails from sites I’d opened a while ago but didn’t gamble in as they didn’t have games I knew. I actually caught myself thinking ‘get debit card back and have something to look forward to!’ Wow how the cg mind works but its thanks to this site and ppl here I then thought ‘what look forward to losing money again and feel terrible when leave the spinning reels broke and ashamed of myself and letting down ppl here who’ve helped me’ the urge was really really strong, to be honest it was very very close that’s why I’m on here now rambling because that scared me. Hope it gets easier to resist the urges when things like this happen, I’m sure it will. Read some amazing diaries really helped.

Up at this time 1.10am after sleeping on and off since 6pm got to get used to new time I have to start work plus been doing cover which has messed my routine up. My therapy has been put on pause until mid February when a time that suits better becomes available. Obviously a part of me is relieved as it’s very intense and I have to work with it but the other part of me really missed it as I’m getting stronger more intense nightmares again. But the new time will be a lot better for me. Going to get some more sleep before I have to get up again soon!

Lulu, Hun...

NO worries at all. Thank you for your posts.

I am ok. I will be ok, I will work towards better feelings.

Got distraction at work now so will be definitely safe.

Look after yourself, ..be kind to you..

Stay safe just for today

S & B xx

Ok Hun as long as your ok x just had massive trigger me and my hubby arguing men can be such selfish ***** sorry to those men on here lol I’m sure they’d say same about women lol. Seriously though really want to gamble to take my mind off the atmosphere and argument whenever we argue it brings back all my fears that we will break up. I don’t like confrontation and arguments I’ve had so much violence in my life starting with me Dad that I cringe and get crippling anxiety at arguments then comes the fear of we will break up one day and I really don’t want to be on my own I feel safer with him even though he can be a ****. Anyway massive trigger and I feel really down too now. Can’t gamble though blocks working well hope tomorrow is better 9 days gf later, one day at time

Another massive trigger over son in May this year 6th May he nearly died with acute liver and kidney failure he had a 50/50 chance of survival fast forward to now and he’s in methadone as he had been using heroin, I went to see him Saturday and I was shocked and devastated to see how much weight he’d lost but he was clean apart from methadone it was his 30th birthday Monday. Problems with my son have been massive for so very long that I’ve built a huge brick wall to protect my sanity him nearly dying almost finished me off so I built this wall, over last few weeks I’ve been taking that wall down slowly as he’s been clean but this evening I spoke to him and I’m sure he was slurring his words, he said it was the really old phone of his grandads that he had that was distorting his voice. I’m still not sure what to believe but have to have that faith in him, all in all today pretty s**t day and some massive triggers thankfully blocks in place or I’m sure I would’ve gambled

Sorry to hear you've had a rough day. Difficult for me to advise in any way but what I can do is say well done for not gambling because that is a sure fire way to add to your problems.
Look at it as a good thing actually came out of today. That is to be proud of the fact you took the massive step to block yourself from getting onto the gambling sites.
It takes an addict a lot of strength to be able to do that. Which shows, you are strong and your strength will get you through these difficult days - not running to gambling. It didn't help in the past, it won't help in the present and it has no place in the future.
Big hugs x

So sorry to hear about your heartache dear Lulu..

Seeing kids struggling is really painful...but please remember that you matter also. There is so much you can give away...none of us has superpowers.

Please be patient and kind to you.
Most importantly keep making the right choice today and every day. All the rest will follow accordingly.

Life will smile with you ..believe in
Yourself ☺

Stay safe & welcome to day 9! Nearly double digits..massive well done from me!..youre doing this!

S&B xx

Gonna be off for bit son in hospital