Been here before, let's try this again

Hi Adam, its great to read you are doing well and getting through payday with a good focus. Sounds like the gym is helping you, maybe you could be my gymspiration haha! I reckon if we get fit enough we can afford a bit of comfort eating cos of burning it off??

Glad it's still going well, keep it going Adam. Good to focus on other things

Thanks 4D and Dan for your support it means a lot. I will have a browse through your diaries this weekend once I get a spare second... my evenings seem to disappear into thin air!

Today I hit Day 30. What a strange feeling this is. Never have I managed this before. I truly believe a lightbulb has gone off in my head that hasn't before. I don't even have the temptations. It's very strange. Luckily I have all my blocks in place as one thing I have learned is to never get too comfortable as a relapse can just be around the corner.

Thank you ALL for your support, means a lot.

adam808 wrote:

Thanks 4D and Dan for your support it means a lot. I will have a browse through your diaries this weekend once I get a spare second... my evenings seem to disappear into thin air!

Today I hit Day 30. What a strange feeling this is. Never have I managed this before. I truly believe a lightbulb has gone off in my head that hasn't before. I don't even have the temptations. It's very strange. Luckily I have all my blocks in place as one thing I have learned is to never get too comfortable as a relapse can just be around the corner.

Thank you ALL for your support, means a lot.

Well done on reaching 30 days Adam!

You’ve shown lots of strength and resolve to get this far.

Keep going mate.

DAY 33.

Had a more chilled weekend than last weekend. I've suffered a bit of...anxiety (I guess?) this week. I think part of me is waiting for a c**k up but this time round it's not happening. Usually I fail around the 15 day mark so we are already double that... I think now is the time to process these feelings and start to rebuild my life. I'm not overly worried as I still have ZERO urges, my motivation is sky high. My focus now really is getting to Christmas, and then in the New Year I can look at ways I can start to truly rebuild my life. Maybe take up a new hobby? Socialise more? Focus on improving my diet? Gambling has been such a huge focus of my life I think I'm a bit lost not knowing what to do with myself now.

But, for the short term, life is good. I am throwing myself into new projects at work, visiting the gym and generally just enjoying having money and being able to spend time with people without putting on a fake face. I'm genuinley happen for what feels like the first time in years.

I've been gambling 10 years total, im a fair bit older at 29 and have a 10k debt. My vice is sport betting. Like you today is also day 33 GF.

I struggled this week, wednesday to friday at work i found myself very short tempered. Im usually a VERY laid back person (outwardly anyway). I think by this point of not gambling you begin to look at and dig deeper into the root of this addiction. Looking into ourselves to start to ask the questions of WHY. It's often scary to REALLY look at the person you are and what you need to change in order to move forwards as a more productive person. Hiding in our addiction removes us from the need to ask these questions and coming away from this is at time uncomfortable for sure.

We got this though, one day at a time. Lets keep going!

Hey Adam, great to see you hit striver. 38 days, well done and good to see you celebrating a bit of normal life. Make sure you keep those blocks up for the more difficult moments. I'm sure you will have lots of good times and good choices up ahead in life if you continue gf :))

Hi Adam

Pleased to hear things continue to improve for you also. Make sure you keep records/notes of the extra stuff you do at work, makes appraisal time that bit easier to go to and try to justify a pay rise!

The fake face comment resonates with me, I can really relate to that. The mask I used to wear has been smashed into thousands of pieces, beyond repair, I choose never to put that mask on again!

39 and counting... keep it going! Stay safe and GF mate.

Thanks for your replies guys, I'm gonna head over to your diaries after this.

DAY 39

Things are looking brighter this week (as the weather gets darker and colder). The faint sound of sleigh bells... aka the oncoming shopping storm are starting to be heard more and more everyday. This year however, there is little dread. I have already compiled a Christmas budget and I am so proud that I will be able to treat my family and friends. In addition, I can actually treat MYSELF. There are a few items I've always wanted and this Christmas will be the time I finally get my hands on them. Great feeling.

Work is going even better this week, I can see myself being there long term (touch wood). I'm incredibly fortunate to have such incredible colleagues who are just brilliant. 2018 will be all about ramping up financial protections. I'm going to be finally getting some savings built up and can really chip away my £13,000 debt. Had a nice little kick start this week as Santander agreed to pay back all interest charges over the past two years....I got £125 back to put towards my credit card repayment. Every little helps.

Looking forward to November. And whilst things are positive, I am VERY VERY aware of how easy it is to relapse and slip back to the temptation of gambling. Blocks are still up - and I intend to keep them up indefinately.

Hi Adam,

Nice talking to you on chat and thanks for the post. Did think you're secret agent going through my journal while still on chat 😉

Good to see you in better place. I took many measures you listed in my journal. Except gamblock. I know I need to if I'm truly serious this time!
I draw money out of acc also. But this doesn't seem to stop me as direct debits I leave are spreaded all over the month..obvs I will have to put cash back this month as I spent my left "outgoings" for bills.

Exercise is great! I walk a lot. Does put your mind on another higher level.

Keep this up, you're worth it

X

Hi Adam

I would definitely recommend the counselling sessions and yes it was arranged through gamcare. For me the sessions are an opportunity to speak to someone who does not know me, for me to speak openly and candidly about my past gambling habit and what I can do to keep my guard up. For me it is a very positive experience - Its almost like I am looking back at my former self and seeing where they went wrong, safe in the knowledge that i am making the right choices now by choosing not to gamble. I have another session tomorrow and will keep you posted on how it goes.

In terms of your good self, something to bear in mind in terms of repayment of debts. It can be tempting to apportion too much of our income towards debt repayments in an effort to pay them back as quickly as possible, and whilst that may provide us some immediate relief in our heads there is a danger that we find ourselves with little money to live on.... which can give rise to old thoughts creeping in again... "where can I try and get money quickly?" sort of thing... dangerous stuff and should be avoided.

If not already done so, contact your creditors and tell them that you are in a position of financial hardship and that you request a suspension of any additional credit/fees that continue to be added to your debts. That can provide some additional restbite and let's you pay down the debt, not just the interest on the debt.

Other than that... stay safe and GF Adam!

DAY 46

Slowly creeping up to that 50 day milestone. Been a rather busy week (but when is it ever quiet?). Still having zero gambling urges. Struggling a lot more with the smoking in terms of urges but determined to keep both at bay.

Not got much time tonight so will quickly check in. Hopefully will have some time next week to post on some diaries. Have a lovely weekend all!

Just read through your diary so thought I'd say hi, well done and keep it up! Did you ever sort the counselling sessions, I'm hoping they might help me. Apparently someone is going to ring me about it on Tuesday but I'm a little unsure about it all.

DAY 51

Finally hit the 50 days mark. Never thought I'd imagine getting to 30 days, let alone FIFTY?! I feel very much stable in life for the first time in a while. I think all my blocks which have been a bit of a trial and error have worked. My money is safe, I'm working on my self development, I'm filling my time. I am still very mindful that no matter how stable I feel, this could creep up on me at any time so I will continue to ensure blocks are in place...maybe for the rest of my life.

Signed up to a credit file website today. You pay £15 a month and it gathers in detail data from all the credit companies. Very enlightening and scary to witness all the damage. I had used those free website before but this is so much better. In a strange way, I feel a lot better doing it as I know how bad things have got, and I can see it get that little bit better every month now. Motivation!

Everything else in life is going smoothly. Preparing for the storm of Christmas...every weekend now until January 7th is booked up... going to be very busy but I feel this is for the best. The busier the better!

Onwards and upwards to another week gamble free.

Hi Adam, congrats on your half century! You seem quite a goal oriented person from your diary so I reckon keep it up and keep aiming for your targets! Good to hear you are keeping busy and also keeping blocks in place ready for any down days 🙂 just keep doing what you are doing and enjoy everything you've got planned on all those weekends, its got to be better than wasting time on pointless crappy slots!!