Breakdown breakthrough

Welcome Phil the general as you know is tell your wife as soon as possible. No doubt she'll either already know. Or she will soon find out. Gambaling addiction isnt all that easy to break on your own
Strength in number's and all that.
Doing this on your own has brought you to this point.
It's fine to say that you will pay it off first but the question really is will you pay it off. Or sink even further into debt.
What's your story? What has brought you to this point?
Deano

Hi deano thanks for your reply . I was debt free about 2 years ago but still gambled . I lost most of my money on online roulette I had a spat with winner sports where they closed there .com site when they owed me 5,000 this seemed to make me worse

since then I've kept gambling unable to avoid it , the best part is I don't even know what I'm doing it for anymore ? Self destruction comes to mind ! I've got a council big session next Thursday hopefully I can start to move on , life's pretty s**t can't believe the situation I've put my family in ! If it was a grand the mrs would go mental God only knows her reaction if I told her 15009

There never really is such thing as a good time to tell your partner.
In 2010 I found myself in 42k worth of debt. I had just lost my job amongst other things life was on a downward spiral. Without a job I could no longer cover my track's. What started as 25k in debt soon with interest and default charges ended in 42k
All I could do was tell my wife and deal with what ever outcome was coming my way. Sounds like a horror story. But it's the opposite my wife did all she could to help me sort it out. She didn't pay it for me but she sorted out the way I was to eventually dig my way out
And that I did early last year I had repayed all my payments and I was free from debt. I did that not on my own. But because my wife helped me through. She made sure I payed every payment on time..
What I'm saying is even though it seems bad now there's always a better tommrow.
The choice is yours I know which one I would chose

Deano

Yeah you make some good points and there appreciated , I guess il sleep on it for now . il keep in touch if u don't mind ! I need to focus for now maybe let Christmas go by and then see about coming clean ! Il leave my credit card at home and just take a small amount of cash out with me to work. Put blocks in place where I can

Hi Nights, welcome to the forum 🙂

Agree with the advice about coming clean...Addiction will hate this though because it thrives on secrecy & having it out in the open will allow you to face your demons. Limiting your access to money is only good to a point, you really need to figure out how to change your mindset & long term recovery which is vital for you & your family is hard work.

Maybe if you have a read through the friends & family section the decision will become clearer. For us, money is a huge factor & you have 15000 reasons not to come clean but for our loved ones, it's the deceit that really causes the damage! You must draw a line under everything that has gone on financially, chasing losses is what makes a billionaire a millionaire in this 'game'! Better to come up with a plan for getting help & clearing your debts yourself so that when you tell her, she can see you're fighting.

Life can get better - ODAAT

Here I am day 2 gamble free , yesterday was my dad's birthday , however he passed prob 17 years ago ! It made me motivated not to gamble yesterday which was good . I was thinking how dissapointed he would have been with my actions , money was tight when we were kids and here I am 15000 in debt probably more than he ernt in a year back then . I've sort of realised my gambling erges are related to my dissapointments in life and soon as I think of one the gambling comes knocking is this the same for anyone else ??

Hi nights , I don't think mine were related to dissapointments , for me it was more about seeking refuge from life and all the Sh'ite it throws at you , when I began facing up to stuff head on instead of using gambling as a support, life became much more managable again , that and accepting my losses had gone forever and that gambling had beaten me .

Once you do that there's nothing much to drag you back :)).

Stay well my friend !

Hi Nights mine were in a way related to disappointments but mainly it was a crutch for me to escape and boredom but I can relate to what your saying. Have you got blocks in place for when urges strike? I suppose regarding disappointments in life it's got to be better facing them than gambling and ending up even more disappointed about loss of money and all the other bad feelings that go with gambling. Stay strong & best wishes Lu x

Yeah like you LU I'm blocked from all sites but I've tried before to reopen or look for new fortunately I have the software blocker now .in regards to blocks in place I've stopped taking cash to work and my joint account card is broke so that side I think I can do for now . I've still not told the wife but I will , she keeps talking about an extension on the back of our house which we would need to borrow the money for ! Prob around 15000 she will love it when I have to tell her we can't afford the extension but I have gambled 15000 Which is ok

Alan I think it's simular I find you can lock yourself away from the world and your problems gambling although it also plays on the highs as well as the low days

Well bank to square one , finding this really hard . Had my first gamcare counceling last week it felt good to talk to someone apart from my self however still didn't stop my gambling yesterday again !

Guess it might be like this for a bit but I'm out I've had enough of the feelings the lack of interest in life ! Time to move on day 1 over !

Hi Nights, seems to me that your debt and keeping this debt secret from the missus is a "ball and chain" you're carrying around with you everywhere. Until you've got rid of it, do you think you'll keep gambling because it's depressing you? Is it time to tell her, and that you're doing something about it? You can make it a good news/bad news/ good news sandwich.

Good news: I've been miserable, but have some news that will make us happier in the long term. And it will be a relief me just telling you this.

Bad news: I'm a gambler and have x debt. It means we can't get an extension yet.

Good news: I'm doing something about it. I am a recovering gambling addict and am doing my utmost to stop. I am giving you my cards and I will be limiting my access to cash. The debt will be down to x in a year and I've worked out we can start an extension in as soon as the debt is down to x. I want us to both have a happy future.

You talked about disappointments in life; you and me both I promise you. But there's jack we can do about it. It's all in the past. Life ain't about the cash, it's how we use the cash we have to make us and our nearest and dearest happy.

Hi there thanks for your comments , your spot on it's defiantly a ball and chain and it's feeling pretty heavy at the moment . I know I need to tell her but I'm not sure I can she's having s few personal problems her self and I'd be just adding to it ! I went to my little boys school concert tonight and he did this little solo singing but I sat there the whole time through it thinking how selfish I've been how s**t I am for treating him and my family like I have !