Can’t do this anymore...

Hi mate literally 2 days ago I had my last night of gambling and blew £1000 pound that I’d saved up and at the time it feels awful, headaches sickness feeling low and pretty much shame. But we can get the money back and can call the car insurance company bill company’s  and arrange some sort of plan, everything is possible, if you have to lie (loss of job etc) then that’s just what you will have to do. Tomorrow is another day and we can beat this horrible drug that is gambling, you may feel like a thousand thoughts are floating around in your head at the moment but honestly everything can get better just takes some will power and tactics, noticing your triggers for example. If you need to chat personally I would have no problem with that, I can guarantee whatever you say Ive either felt or am feeling right now. Please try to think positively 

If you feel like you have to tell your daughter then do it mate Family can be very forgiving when admitting you have an additction.

Please call the Gamcare helpline. I felt exactly the same as you a month ago and they helped me through it. If not now, go sleep, park this horrible day and call them in the morning. You can work all this out. 

I wish you well. 

Thanks Jamie. I know what you’re saying is right and In a few days will probably feel better but part of me just wants to give up on life. I’m tired of this cycle and the thing is even when I’m not gambling I don’t feel happy. Something deep inside me is broken. I almost feel like a robot who shows everyone around them they are a happy person yet when I’m not having to smile for the camera I am empty. I can’t seem to find happiness in anything these days. I’ve started to question whether  fixable.☹️

I have bad anxiety and symptom called deporialisation and feel exactly the same as you, life most of the time just feels blah like I can’t seem to get the joy out of life that gambling gives me, but I think with me the gambling has been mostly been the cause of the inability to feel things from normal day to day things, if your a compulsive gambler like me then you have over time done damage to the dopamine system, we have built such a baseline for quick unatural dopamine releases simple things that would make a non gambler happy just isint cutting it for us anymore, so we then gamble to get away from this feeling but that’s the last thing we should be doing. Overtime together mate we can 100 percent feel ‘normal’ when we stop abusing ourselves, like I say mate tomorrow the next day or whenever you need a chat privately If be email,Facebook,text whatever you need I’d be happy to help, it’s a tough road but we can do this together  

Thanks Drama Llama for the advice. I can’t call them tonight as my daughter is sat in the room next door and would hear every word. Plus I think they’re closed now anyway. 

Jamie, I don’t feel like I want to tell my daughter -she won’t be understanding and will hit the roof. That’s the bit that is stressing me the most. I can live without anything for the month. I mentally can’t take how she will react. I know there are consequences to our actions I’m not niave about this. I have had a lot of financial pressures lately, a lot coming from my daughter and this was one of the triggers as I didn’t know how I could afford it all and just wanted to win a bit to help ease the stress and we all know the rest...

I’ve told my girlfriend and family before and caused a lot of hurt but they don’t know I’ve been gambling recently, I only advised to telling your daughter was the fact if that if it made you feel better than go for it but if you feel like It may make it worse then deffanitly sleep on it 

I have just seen your last post about the long term effects and how it means we are never happy. That could be very true. I often just wonder if there’s something seriously wrong with me or if it is normal for any kind of addict. I almost lack any kind of emotion, just numbness and an empty void. I don’t cry, I don’t laugh. I think probably the time I’m most content with my life is when I’m sleeping. 

It’s 100 percent a symptom of addiction, emotional numbness is one of the causes due to lots of stress being put on your central nervous system. It takes a while to repair it but your body and mind can repair we just need to be strong 

Thanks for the advice but it definitely won’t make me feel better. That’s the one thing that’s driving me to despair. I can deal with the bills not paid, even the car insurance as luckily I have two and half weeks off work so I don’t have to worry about that just yet. It’s just how I can cover it up from her without her finding out. That’s my only goal right now. 

Can you not ask a friend for a lend of money? As harsh as it sounds that’s just covering up the cracks mate it’s more deep rooted than that. You can build that money back 

Will she deffanitly find out? And is there no chance of just coming clean and laying it out on the line I know your saying it would be awful and can totally u defat and but you may be surprised 

If it’s only money that is yours then you don’t have a right to explain to anyone 

I don’t really have any friends anymore. I think that’s partly down to the gambling and partly moving away from my hometown and distance being in the way. It’s is covering up the cracks, you’re right but for the short term that is all I can think about. Then I can look at the bigger picture.