[Closed] Charly's life

Hi

Rich - thanks for your post. I value what you say. As you have pointed out, you have been working at yourself for 16 years, a lot of years and a lot of experience. You've seen a lot in the rooms over the years, I'm sure. I'm honored to be able to call you friend.

Alice - Thank you for your honesty. What I was trying to say is that in my view, people who only come here have less of a chance of succeeding. This site is a great addition to G.A. and I certainly find it easier to write down my emotions then talk about them. But I need the unity i have found in the room. You came to the rooms for a while and I'm convinced that there are things you have been able to take out of it and make use of. Our room is has a very strong unity at the moment and I for one, feel priviledged to be part of it.

All I'm saying is that people should give the G.A. room a chance and if they're really honest with themselves, I mean, really honest with themselves, then once they accept this gambling addiction as the illness it is and they are prepared to change themselves, they will succeed.

I have seen a lot of people come to the room over the past 10 months and a lot of them have gone back to gambling, when they stayed away from the room. That doesn't mean everyone who leaves the room, does.

Everyone is different and we deal with life in our own unique way. For me G.A. is it. If I didn't go every week, I would be lost. Sunday nights give me the strength to carry on for another week.

I appreciate your posts, because I know you and have spent some time with you, I know you are honest in what you say.

Thank you. No offence taken.

God Bless

Charly

Dear Diary

I'm feeling very strange today. I have plucked up the courage and read out my therapy in my G.A. room last night. It was a bit embarrassing when everyone clapped when I finished. I don't like being centre of attention. I much rather stay in the background and do things.

I don't know if I feel better for sharing with the room or not. Sharing a lot of me has always been difficult for me, as I have explained before.

On top of it all, the therapy brought back a lot of bad and painful memories, I wanted to keep in my 'Pandorra's box'.

But, like one of the members has said several times, when you keep putting things in the same cupboard, one day you'll find the doors won't shut and everything spills out.

One memory that sticks out more then most at the moment is this one( and I didn't even speak about it in my counselling sessions):

When I was about 12, I went camping with my Godfather and his family. They had a big caravan on a fairly big pitch in the Eifel moutains. They stayed in the caravan and one of their boys had a tent in front of it and I had another tent in front of the caravan.

On the second night there, I was woken up by someone in the tent with me. He was talking really quietly and soothing. I can't exactly remember all of it. He touched me in a way he shouldn't have. Luckily for me, my godfather couldn't sleep and came outside the caravan. The person panicked and ran off. It wasn't until the next morning when my godfather noticed, that the guy had actually cut through my sleeping bag and my pyjama bottoms.

After that, what I remember mostly is that every time my godfather came to visit us at home, Mum and he would talk about the incident, but every time I came close they would stop. I wish they hadn't done that. I had to go to court to identify this guy. I couldn't. It was dark, I was half asleep.

After the court case, no-one at home ever spoke about it again. I tried to talk to them. All I got was, that he had been punished I shouldn't worry about it anymore. But, no answers.

It's bizarre that I have carried this with me for all these years. I don't think I have ever told this story to anyone.

I was more fortunate then others, my godfather came out and saved me.

God Bless

Charly

Charley, that must have taken some courage to tell people your story, it is strange how writing is easier, and I hope by opening up like this you feel better in yourself. These things are never your own fault, and I work with children who have been abused, and they think it is their fault in some way.

( I myself remember an uncle coming into my room when I was about the same age), it was all laughed off by them (the adults/parents) as he lost his way, well I know different, and it happended more than once) He is dead now, and they my parents wanted me to go to the funeral ha! well I didn't, but I spent many years not knowing if it had been something I had done, and I know it wasn't, but it affects your life in many different ways, I am approaching 40 this year, and it has taken till this time to realise, what happened to me, and it wasnt my fault.

Take care, and carry on being brave, it does make you heal inside.

Debs xx

(((((((sabine))))))

That is an amazingly honest post. thank you for having the courage to share it with us. A terrible experience to go through in itself without then not being able to talk about it with your family. I hope that over the next few days you will find that having shared it will help you.

As for your previous post yes I have got a lot from GA. I think GA is a great thing and i haven't left it for good. I am taking some space from the room for a few weeks as I have so much other stuff i need to spend time on working through. GA has given me the strength I needed to get on my recovery and work it. I still read my blue and orange book regularly. I think what I was trying to say before is that each person needs to work their recovery in the most effective way possible which may be different from one person to the next. I like you would encourage everyone to go to GA. To at least try it for two weeks and see how it may work for them.

Take care hun,

alice x

Hi diary

I went to my first steps meeting in Poole last night. I enjoyed that very much, have asked if they can send me the paperwork they use for the steps meeting. Am sure it would be useful for my G.A. group.

We then had the normal meeting afterwards. I didn't get home until gone 11 last night, so am very tired today.

Emotionally I feel good today, today I feel like wanting to go out there and save the world. Have been in touch with a few members of G.A. who haven't been in the room for a while and am hoping to have convinced them that they need to come back. That's my good deed for the day done.

It's nice to be able to help others with the experiences I have made. That to me is almost more important then my recovery. Because by helping others I feel good about myself and when I feel good about myself I seem to be able to deal with life's little difficulties better. Which to me means that I'm recovering - if that makes sense

Today I will do something I don't like doing, but I will do it anyway.

And

Today I will not gamble

God Bless

Charly

Sabine

Been catching up with your diary, very proud of your journey having been through so much over the years.

The experiences have made the wonderful sharing person you are today.

My Dad hun himself when I was a lot younger, 1977.I dont think the memories ever leave you.

I always believe he was in so much distress from depression he never realised the pain that would be left behind.

Over the years life builds what we are today and it is up to use to choose the right path.

Today we are winners because we did not gamble

take care

love W xx

Hi Diary

I thank all the people who take the time to read my posts and reply to them.

I feel very fortunate in having so many 'friends' around the world.

This week has been very tiring and I'm glad it is Friday. Am working tomorrow night at the Country Club. Am looking forward to it, as it gives me a chance to catch up with people I've known for a long time.

We had planned to go to Germany from the 25th-28th April, but unfortunately we can't go. I suppose that's the price I have to pay, now I've taken my head out of my axxe and and trying to be responsible. I just can't afford to pay the flights at the moment. I'm sad about that, but at the same time not. A bit upset because I'm letting my niece down, whom I promised last year I would come to her confirmation, but life is like that sometimes. My sister understands and I'm sure she'll explain it to my niece.

I am taking responsibility for my past actions. All choices I made have consequences, some good, some not. Such is life and I'm learning to live it.

Paying my bills is very important to me right now. As far as I can see, I will be debt free October 09 and that is a goal I'm looking forward to.

I wish all those who are struggling, the serenity to accept the things they cannot change, the courage to change the things they can and the wisdom to know the difference.

God Bless

Charly

Hi Charly. That is amazing that you will be debt free by next Autumn. I think it's going to take me about 10 years to clear mine! LOL

I'm sorry you had to cancel your trip to Germany, but that speaks a lot for your committment to your financial obligations. I guess we all have to make sacrifices to pay for what we've done in the past. Next Fall, when you're gamble-free and debt-free as well, you can take a big holiday to celebrate!

Sending lots of love,

Anna

Hi Charly

Great new you will be det free next year, I am like Anna may be ten years lol.

Just now only care about the peace that comes from not gambling. its enough for me at the moment.

Shame about your trip but your time will come.

Have a good weekend and take care

love

W xx

It is your determination that will get you through and you have achieved so much since January. I admire your openness and honesty and the candour of your posts which often cause me to reflect on my situation afresh. You bring hope to all of us and offer up nuggest of great advice at times - I certainly have enjoyed collecting such thoughts which are now on the 'favourite posts' thread in the OPG section ... Wish you well and I am sure you will get the break you deserve and need at some point soon. Bests JG

Hi Charly. Thanks so much for your post on my diary. I have a very hard time accepting compliments, as I don't feel I am deserving, but it's nice to know that I can make people feel better now and then.

Hope you had a wonderful weekend!!

Love, Anna

Hi All

I've given up on the chat room. Every time I write something , my provider decides to pull the plug and when I try to go back in to room, i'm told that I'm already in there.

I think I have to change providers. The chat room has become important to me. It's good to link up worldwide and talk.

Anna - have posted in your diary.

I have some fabulous news. We are going to Germany at the end of this month after all.

My little lad(lol, he's 6"4) has paid for our tickets. So the three of us are going to my niece's confirmation. I cried earlier on.

I'm ecstastic. Bless him. And do you know what else my wonderful boy has done for us?

He's bought us a small car. My man's car died at the end of November and my car is not what it used to be, but we can't afford to even part exchange at the moment. So he went out and bought us a little run around with money he saved up to get his own car back on the road. He said, hell get his car insured and taxed in a couple of months instead. I've cried many happy tears today.

And like you Anna, and I'm sure a lot of others have when something good happens, I have said to myself, I don't deserve this. All the crxx I have put my lad, his sister and my man through in the past 6 years. Why on earth is he doing something like that? He should have paid that money so he can have his wheels back on the road, we would have been ok. And then it dawned on me.

my lad has done this because of his unconditional love for me. What a humble experience. I feel very blessed.

It's been a week full of humble experiences and feelings. If any of you read this, then please do one thing for me(or for yourselves) - believe in what you can and will achieve once you have started on the road of your recovery. As you give to the world, the world will give to you. All you have to do is change your way of looking at life. Find 1 positive thing in each day. The best one I find every day is when I wake up in the morning and can say - I didn't gamble yesterday, I am not going to gamble today, therfore the day is going to be good.

Love to all

God Bless

Charly

Charley, what a fabulous post, im so happy for you. You deserve every happiness and you must feel so proud that your son is doing that all for you. Its made me feel quite tearful....as you say kids love is unconditional. xx

(((Charly))),

I am so, so happy for you. What a wonderful young man you must have brought up for him to do something so wonderful. And, you're right - he must love you unconditionally. You know what that means, Charly? You're WORTH that love. You DESERVE that love, and you should never forget that....

Your post just made my day, to see someone finally having good things happen.

Lots of love,

Anna

Charly

I just read this portion of a previous post.

"believe in what you can and will achieve once you have started on the road of your recovery. As you give to the world, the world will give to you. All you have to do is change your way of looking at life."

You just changed my life

Cashed

Thank You