[Closed] Charly's life

Hi Diary

Am feeling a bit all over the place at the moment.No gambling urges(thank god for that)

It's my job. My colleague is retiring next month and my boss is just assuming that I will be taking on his work(or at least a big part of it) as well as mine(that's what it sounds like at the moment)

I don't mind taking on the extra work, it'll keep me out of mischief. Only, it would be nice if someone actually asked me, if I'm ok with that. I spoke to our big boss today(off the record) and she tells me that nothing has been decided yet and they're to have a meeting to discuss the course of action.

Cool - it would just be nice to be informed and not find out through conversations I can overhear as they take place right in front of me.

Ah, heck, it's nearly weekend and a long one at that. When 4:30pm comes, I'm going to switch off my computer, go home and enjoy spending time with my 'boys' and not worry about something I have no influence over.

Enjoy you weekend guys and girls and be good.

Stay focused and strong.

God Bless

Charly

(((Charly))) It's always hard when decisions are being made that affect us and we are being left out of them, isn't it? I know exactly how that feels. But, I'm glad you talked to your big boss to at least make your feelings known.

A nice weekend with your "boys" sounds nice and relaxing. You deserve a bit of pampering, I'd say, as you always seem to be doing things for others.

And, thanks again for your wonderful support to me. It means a lot.

Love, Anna

Hi Diary.

Well, that's it, I'm going home.

Just thought I come and tell everyone who reads my stuff -

Have a great weekend. Be good. Stay strong.

Laugh a lot. cry a little.Just 'Enjoy life'.

Love you all.

God Bless

Charly x

Charly

Thanks for your continued support, have agreat weekend and enjoy the lasagne.

lots of love

W xx

hi charly

Ah, heck, it's nearly weekend and a long one at that. When 4:30pm comes, I'm going to switch off my computer, go home and enjoy spending time with my 'boys' and not worry about something I have no influence over

just rember that and have a good one,family is what keep's us going

take care

paul

Hi Charly

Just popping in to say, enjoy your weekend. By the way, I phoned up Germany the other day and was talking to someone from AOK on behalf of my sister. Jeeze my German is really going downhill, I apologised several of times, I felt like a 3 year old talking. Lol.

Take care

Andrea

Hi Diary

It's been a while. I have had a tough time this past week. I've been able to do all the things that are expected from me.

haven't been able to shake off this sadness I feel inside of me.

I do this ' finding my innerself thing' but the more I look inside, the more I remember. The more I remember the more I hurt.

I wish I had never opened the lid to my pandora's box. I've been in touch with my 'little brother' and he recommends for me to talk about my emotions. Good advise.

Only, all my life I've had difficulties talking about me. When I was little I blended in the background in our house, not upsetting anyone. It was easier that way. My brothers and my baby sister gave my Mum enough grieve without me adding to it. I realise now that, I lost me in the process. I tried talking again in my marriage. Big mistake - I would be punished for that on more occasions then I wish to remember or I would be laughed at.

So to me talking is associated with being punished. It always has been. Hence I have real problems talking about me and how I feel. It's so much easier for me to just do things in the background and behind the scenes. I can't bare to have the limelight on me and people looking and listening to me. My little brother said it sound as if I feel worthless. Yep, he's probably right.

At the moment I'm feeling ripped apart with all this pain inside me and I'm not sure yet what to do with it all. That's why I haven't been able to reply to the posts on here. I have been reading them but wasn't in a place where I could reply to any of them.

I don't want to burden my angel with all my crazy thoughts either as he has enough on his plate with his heath issues at the moment. He already has high blood pressure. If I was to tell him all my painful memories, it would do him no good at all.

I'll try and write some more later.

God Bless

Charly 🙂 🙁

(((((((((((((((((charlie)))))))))))))))))))))))

Charlie i read a book last night on mental health and one thing that it stressed throughout was that THE most important thing to do is to talk. You need to find someone you can trust honey. You need someone that you can talk about anything to and be assured that you won't be judged and that that person will hold all the things you say safely in their hands.

Have you ever thought about or had counselling? Don't know just a thought.

I'm here if you ever need to talk. i am a willing listener.

Alice x

Hi Charly

I think I know in a way where you are coming from. This is the reason why I decided to go counselling. I said for years that I would not ever want to face myself in counselling. I was scared like hell to confront the past.

I don't know what took it to go and found the strength to finally do it. Maybe I was at a stage where I was fed up with the pain and the hurt I felt inside.

It was always covered up really well by some sort of addiction or another to not having to face it.

Since I am not living completely without any sort of addiction, this pain and hurt inside came alive and looked me straight in the eyes. But this time it said "please help me and don't ignore me any longer". I wanted to help myself and be happy with myself for once and all.

It's about being soft to yourself and invite help . I don't trust anyone really, but I had to take this leap of the cliff.

If my counselllor is not the right person for me, then I go and look for another one. Until I feel comfortable with someone.

In my case I got a suspicion that I was lucky and will probably stick with him, time will tell.

But it's all about doing something positive and good for ourselves. For once in our lives.

Hugs

Andrea

Big hugs Charly, just want you to know I am thinking about you just know.

Its hard once you get in to those feelings,maybe talking will help as others have said.

You will find the best way for YOU, just remeber we cant change the past, only the way we live our lives now.

It sounds that you dont vaue yourself enough but take a minute to look around and realise how others value you,,,,,,,,especialy your angel.

Love

Wxx

hi charley

don't know what to say really having read your last post,some of the thing's you wrote hit home a little,jut want you to know you have alot of friend's all rooting for you here,so you take your place in the limelight because i can promise you,you wont be laughed at here.

take care

paul

Hi my girl

Charly x

Charly with the greatest of respects what you wrote on my diary (copied above) is the biggest pile of b******t i've heard all week (and that's saying something as i spout b******t all the time!)!!! Yes I do have stuff goin on in my own head BUT that does not mean you can't share your s**t with me. If we all did that no one would ever share anything with anyone cos everyone has cr**. Only yesterday morning you text me and told me to not apologise for ringing you and that i can talk to you anytime. Well you've got your s**t so i could say i'm not gonna burden you with my s**t!

All this burdening stuff is utter rubbish. it's what friends are for. There to listen when YOU need to talk. It won't be a burden in the slightest. In fact I would be honoured to listen to you in much the same way as you feel honoured when your friends ask you for help or to listen to them.

And this i'll be ok i'll survive thing? Well yes I know you'll be ok and i know you'll survive. I think we all will. But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't be doing things to help each and ourselves to be more than ok. Why live your live 'surviving' when you can live it with so much more freedom.

Sorry that was a bit of a rant but i feel it is so important. People like you are fantastic and so caring and supportive and the world would be a much poorer place without you but YOU are important too honey. You are worth being listened too. Of course you don't have to talk to me. There may be others that you would feel more comfortable talking with and that's absolutely fine AS LONG AS YOU TALK TO SOMEBODY!! And some of it if not a lot of it may need counselling to work through but it doesn't mean that friends can't help.

Please please please please please please Charly if you do nothing else this week or this year can you think hard about this and try and be brave. Try and lose that fear and trust somebody to be able to treat you and your heart with respect. There are people out here who do love and care for you and would never be careless with any part of you especially your thoughts, experiences and emotions.

Alice x

Well that told me, didn't it!

Well Done Alice.

You have just given me the proverbial kick up the backside I needed, as I have told you in your diary.

You know something; I'm still grinning.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me on this site. It is good to know I have friends who care about me, even if I seem to be unable to that(care about me that is).

Good night all, well, I can't see me going to bed any time soon. I'm on G.A. helpline until 8.30 tomorrow morning.

I will give Alice a ring tomorrow at some point. :):):)

God Bless

Charly

((((Charly))))

Hope your a** isn`t to sore after the wee kick Alice has given you xxx

But a little kick, or nudge in the direction is all good, it will take you where YOU need to be with yourslef..

Liek you I just got on with things and that was life back then, never really got who I was.. Lol to be honest I still haven`t got a f******g clue..

Just the fact that we are loking within, is initself a huge achievement, many people (even the normal people- lol thats what I call peopel who have never gambed) they go through life not looking within, never knowing who they are.

One day charly it will happen, something will click and you will get the peace that you deserve..

You are a good person hon and when people see something in you they are seeing your inner self - it is there I promise you..

Love & Hugs

Lucy

xxxx