[Closed] Charly's life

Hi Diary

I can hardly believe that the last time I posted here was on the 20th June. How time flies when you're having fun. I have been on the forum and have read a lot of posts in the past fortnight but couln't bring myself to answer any of them.

I think now that things have settled down somewhat, I'll write again here.

One of my character defects is that I'm too opinionated and I'm a fault finder(mainly in others but can't see it in me).

I'm addressing this and try to find the faults within me, because one thing I have realised since I've stopped gambling - I can change myself, I cannot change anyone or anything else. It starts and finishes with 'me'

My surroundings mysteriously adjust to the 'new' me and all sorts of positive things happen around me without 'me' trying to be in charge and 'controlling' everything. I just let 'things' happen. I haven't got the knack for this all the time yet, but when I realise or get gently reminded by my loving supporting family, that I'm in my defected character mode, I am now able to stop, think and change whatever I was about to do or say. It's good to finally be on the road to growing up, being responsible for me and being a mature person.

It gives me inner peace and strength for every day.

I wish you all the very best in finding your own personal way of recovery.

God Bless

Charly x

I like the "Mystery" and please don't stifel all your opinions.

Cashed

Hi Charly. Good to see you! Thanks for your post in my diary, and don't worry, I'm taking care of myself as well, although it's been tough since I've been so busy taking care of my dad. He's doing really well, though, and as soon as he can drive (two more weeks) I'll be able to get a little rest and relaxation for myself! LOL.

I'm with Cashed. I value your opinion, and I like it when you weigh in, but I do understand what you're saying. Hope you're taking care of yourself as well, sweetie.

Lots of love,

Anna

Charly.........thanks for being there in my spirit world......love you lots xx

Hi Diary

Thanks to all who have read and posted here.

God Bless. x

It's been an interesting few days, the highlight of which was my taking part in the G.A. meeting in Poole last night.

I enjoyed it very much.

Only problem as usual is that my mouth sometimes runs away with my brain. I've upset the apple cart - again.

Someone there thinks they rule the roost and it upsets them when someone else(mainly me) has a different opinion.

But...... and it's a big but... I am learning to put my feelings into words and made use of that last night. I am a firm believer in the G.A. programme(12 steps and unity) and all it has to offer to anyone who has the desire to stop gambling.

Included in that are all the booklets G.A. produces for the benefit of all who walk through the door.

When new people walk through the door and are offered the advise to give G.A. 90 days, then, in my believe they should also be given the 'First 90 days' booklet(blue book).

In my recovery that little blue book was my lifeline in the early days. Even more then the orange book(12 steps of recovery) There are a lot of hints and tips in that book.

To my surprise at Poole it was decided to hand out the blue book at the return of the newcomer the following week. New people are only given the orange book and to my disbelief- the phone list.

I couldn't understand how anyone can make a decision like that. As we are all the same within the G.A. fellowship, nobody should assume the role of leader. Anyone who wants to help can do so and it is appreciated the world over, I'm sure.

But I couldn't understand how 1 person can make desicions which could affect so many, no matter how long they have been without a bet.(They no different from someone who stopped last week, we're all one step away from the next bet)

And you know what else?

When the meeting finished and I said good night to everyone, that one 1 person completely ignored me. How's that for being on the recovery programme. How can anyone 'preach' to anyone else to be honest and openminded when in fact they are neither. I'm not even convinced that the person concerned is on the G.A. recovery programme at all. Surely the attidude would be different if that was the case.

Ahh well, I'm not going to let that upset me for too long. I shall be back there in a fortnight.

Boy, I feel better now I had the chance to air my thoughts. Thank you diary.

To all of you out there - keep fighting and stay positive.

God Bless

Charly

God Bless

Charly x

"How's that for being on the recovery programme"...

Now the hard bit big sis.....

Ask yourself if your post is any better or shows more signs of being in recovery than the person you moan about....

Recovery is about personal actions, not about telling everyone your on the recovery program. As it says "actions speak louder than words"..... If people see something they like they will ask how you are doing it.

Would the good thing to have done not been give the new member your "Blue Book" and said nothing....

Remember your higher power does not change the way you act. It only gives you the chance to show that you have changed....

See you Sunday.

RichB.

Charly, i find your post interesting and topical for me as ive been in meetings recently where i find myself challenging certain "protocol" and attitudes of certain members particularly longer serving ones.

Like you , i would be appalled if the blue book wasnt given to new members, i can see no reason whatsoever for it not to be as it a fantastic book which could be read in isolation and digested and a catalyst to return the following week.

Like you, i firmly beleive in the 12 steps of recovery, GA is also a fellowship and no one as such should run it or is bigger and better than anyone else. I have similar issues down here and to my mind it hinders the attraction process for new members. Wew had a healthy debate the other night and i was able to air some of my opinions. I accept though that i am not in the best place at the moment and not sure if it is a result, or because of it that im questioning certain things now.

Please dont let this person hinder your recovery. I know if i was going there i would be challenging the "norm" as i know from experience that these things can fester and people who are weaker may fall away as a result so good for you.

I dont believe it is right to say nothing and does show you to be a better person, its about the group as a whole not individuals and personally giving the new member a blue book will not stop the underlying problems which are obvious from reading your post.

Speaking out is taking personal action, and an unselfish one for the benefit of everyone not just a few............so well done you xx

Hey Charlie

Great to read your post about GA and the best reason is the confidence I can hear, the assurance that is there 🙂

The real Charly who finaly realises the value we have all seen there for so long.

Good on you and for what its worth I think you were darn right to stand up and put your point of viw.

I am blown away by ow far you ahev come.

Take care

love

W xxx

Hi Charly, I got to reading some of your diary and it is so so moving, I cannot imagine what you have been through with the loss of your beloved brother, May he rest in peace, your journey has been very difficult indeed and yet you offer so much support and inspiration to others, I take my hat off to you. Teresa

Morning Charly,

Rodders 'e*e

Just a quick line to say I wasn't given this blue book 'hingame' however, I do take the point that the holder of the 'chair' shouldn't have acted so child-like !

Never mind girl...rise above it!!!!!!

I would like to know what you think of the fact that I was told that if a member of GA ignores you when you pass on the street then that's their choice and you should cross the street and herald their wishes????????

I talk to everybody I know, especially people who dont like me!!!!!!!! lol

I dont like being ignored ever..so when I saw our 'chair with no hair' in the town centre..I gave him no choice but to acknowledge me!! I think 'not to mention' is okay! infact probably good but ignorance??? I dont know...

well, nice to seee 'the little wascel still has spirit' (monte python)

take care

Roddersxxx

Wow, there are certainly a lot of different views on my last e-mail. Made me think all week. And the jury in my head is still out.

What my little brother said rings true. I thought about giving my book to the new member and then I got into a muddle, because there were 2 new members. I made a mental note there and then to carry a few copies with me when I go there next time. I re-read my thread and as usual found a lot to cringe about. I shouldn't have let myself down by rising to the challenge(that's what part of me thinks), then I'm thinking, if I don't speak up about how I feel, then would I not be going back to my 'old' self and be the person I am trying to change, doing things in the background and dared be noticed ? I don't talk about how I feel and my little brother's comment, although true, has confused me to no end.

Do I speak or don't I speak up??? When do I speak and when do I not??? Hell, if I don't know then how are all the youngsters out there supposed to?

Life sucks sometimes. I wish I knew the answers. Maybe I need to try and find a different approach to things.

I'm confused. Hopefully I'll be able to talk about it in my group on Sunday, although very doubtful. I don't usually speak.

Rodders - AS G.A. is anonymous, I agree with the statement that you should herald the individual's wishes, purely because you don't know if the person or persons they are with know about their addiction and about them going to G.A. Would that not put said person in a very difficult position?

I'm sure you wouldn't want to hinder their recovery. I, in my recovery have been open and honest with whoever listens. I wouldn't have a problem with being approached in the street, I am proud to be at G.A. But everyone deals with it in their own way and we should respect that.

Which answers my question if I should or shouldn't have spoken out. I shouldn't have. I didn't respect somebody elses way of dealing with their recovery.

Onwards and upwards.

God Bless

You all

Have a fab weekend

Charly x

Morning Charly

Rodders 'e*e...well I dont agree with you at all !!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

Just kidding ...clever aint I xxx

Being anonymous is important....but I would still go up to 'you' in the street 'n' say HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol...Unfortunately Charly GA along with REHAB have stigma attatched to them from the general public...it's only us clever ones that realise; how strong you must be to attempt!!! and how weak/normal you are if you dont....

here's hoping that you stay strong..xxx

Rodders

Dear Big Sis,

I watched you last night during the meeting and I am worried for you.

Please for your sake give up being Secretary of the group. That case is very easy to hide behind.

Luv

Rich.

Charly you must open up in GA (says he who never speaks that much lol ) .Nobody judges you ive been in tears at GA its an emotional illness . And dont let the old cow at GA get to ya your not the first person to have issues with her . Take care and give me a call anytime you need a chat hugs to you hun xxxx

Hi Little Brother

Ditto.

LY2

Tall Pete - 'You must open up in GA' - no I don't. Where does it say, I must do anything?

I thank you for your concern and I have written in your diary.

Don't worry about me. I'll be ok. I'll survive.

I'm a fighter.

Hugs to you

Charly