[Closed] Charly's life

God Bless

Steve E

Hi guys

Thank you for your continued support.

Hey Anna, lovely to hear from you.

I had my wig fitted this morning and it looks quite funky. I'm amazed as to how different wigs look these days.

As for the sponsored haircut. Bless him. My boss declined the "haircut in the office" as they are in the transition period now and there are a lot of bodies from the new head office around trying to do our jobs. But... he has agreed to donate £200 to McMillan and I think that is brilliant. I don't think I would have raised that much just from the office staff, so I'm well pleased with that.

I can pick the cheque up before my next treatment so I can pop it into the McMillan centre at the hospital then.

I am trying really hard to keep myself occupied. I have had loads and loads of gambling thoughts this last week, which really shocked me. I thought I was well past those. Just goes to show...if I don't go to my meetings I am more likely to fall off the waggon. I am so looking forward to this Sunday when my blood count will be up enough for me to attend my meeting. I cannot go 3 weeks without my meetings. They are my weekly medicine.

I am grateful I have not gambled and that my Higher Power was there to help me through my difficult time. A real eye opener for me.

All the best to all of you in recovery. Please don't play with this addiction. If you are not careful and put barriers in place it will come and bite you in the b**t and drag you back to where you just came from or worse drag you even further down.

One day at a time.

God Bless

Charly xx

Hi Charly

Thoughts are a wonderful thing. They can take us anywhere! Acting on these thoughts is a different matter! Knowing how to handle gambling thoughts is a skill we have to learn. Sounds like you are doing what's right for you in recovery.

Stay strong

Steve E

Hi Diary

I obviously missed something else in Ade's diary or maybe I am just not able to bring across what I really wanted to say.

I really am not trying to wind you up Ade.

But you have to work on this too, not just rely on the bookies to not let you in or just on the "One day at a time" That only works for so long.

I know if I tried I could get into the bingo halls and some of the casinos again. The difference is - I choose not to. I have worked on me and changed a few things about me I didn't like. By doing so, my desire to not gamble has become bigger then the desire to gamble. If I carry on working on me, I can carry on feeling that desire. When I stop and do nothing... who knows where it will lead me... I have learned this week that I can't just stop..I have to carry on working on me.

As for me.... things are ok... thanks Stevey for your message. I am taking a huge bit of advise from it...it is working for "my" recovery.

Thanks my friend for pointing me in the right direction... I can only do my recovery.

God Bless

Charly

Hi Charly

I hope you dont see me as interfering in this its just I post a lot on Ades diary and vice versa and have read yours too and found you to be a pretty calm and straight up person so I wondered why you two hadnt been seeing eye to eye.

He has self excluded but the shop where he lives has a high staff turnover and they took his recent bets without knowing who he was.

I fully understand what you say about self excluding from everywhere - but I do wonder if you can ever truely close every door - they seem to pop up eveywhere. I think as a CG you will always find a way to bet if you want to - the more barriers the better to help recovery but truely so much of the strength has to come from inside.

Again sorry for butting in - just hoped to clarify.

All the best in your recovery and health.

Eyes X

Hi and I agree with you both!! I know I could sneak into my local arcade as new staff but again would be so embarrassed if the old manager or owner came in to cash up. One reason for not going and other is scared to even go in as know I could not stop and would be back to square one even with putting a pound in. Am aware of my weakness and need to protect myself and only way is using every bit of willpower as I DONT WANT TO GAMBLE.

Thank you both for making my resolve stronger. Min x

Hi Charly, just playing catch up and am so sad to hear your recent plight. My heart and thoughts are with you, you are such a brave lady and know you will get through this.

The gambling you will deal with as you do with everything in your life, sensibly and constructively. Your higher power will always be there for you and im sending you added strength.

For those that dont want your posts.....its their loss. As you know gambling makes you angry, lose all sense of proportion and reality, and lash out at those when all you really want ot do is hurt yourself. Its their loss.........concentrate your energies on you and those that deserve to have you as a friend and look forward to your posts.

Much love. x

HI Charly

Not been on for a few days so hence no posts

Hope you are doing well charly. thing is bout this sort of communications its open to so many interpretations ay? its souless sometimes and 3 people can read somthing on the net /message boards/email and probably put a different meaning on it lol

so, just to say, you keep going charly, your'e doing a great job.

luv G x

Morning Charly,

I am still saying prayers to ask God to look after you whilst you are having your treatment.

I have not posted recently as I had a few issues with my diary. These are now resolved. You diary really helps me, thank you.

Jas xx

Hi.

I have only read parts of your diary, it's truly inspirational thank you...onwards and upwards with what you are dealing with at the moment.

Zoe xx

Hi Diary

Thanks to all who have read and posted here.

Update!

My hair has started to fall out yesterday and I find that harder to deal with then I thought. Although I had it cut shorter to make things easier, I didn't realise it would hurt as much as it does. I know it will grow back and is a small price to pay for being rid of cancer in the long run. Nevertheless..it's upsetting when it happens. I'm sure I'll be fine in a couple of days. Well, actually things should get easier from Sunday onwards...I'm having my head shaved on Sunday. It'll make things easier because I won't have to see my hair falling out any longer. It'll be gone, lol

Today I am going to have my blood count done for the dentist on Monday. I am finally having a tooth taken out which has been bothering me since last November. But..the hospital wants a blood count before they do that. My diary looks weird

Today - hospital for blood test

Monday - hospital - tooth out

Tuesday - hospital - blood test, see chemo doctor, give cheque to McMillan and pick up wig

Wednesday - 2nd chemo

Ah well..there are people out there who are worse off then me so I mustn't complain.

I know I had a lucky escape.

As for gambling..yup..still having thoughts/urges... so much so that I am giving my bank card back to my partner tonight...just another barrier to make it safer for me. I am coming up to 2 years gambling free on the 5th June and I do not want to jeopordise that. I have been working hard at this and just because I am bored at home doesn't mean I have to go down that road again.

I didn't go back to it when I found out I'm to be made redundant on the 12th June, I haven't gone back to it when I found out I had cancer. I am not going back to it because I am bored. I shall read my books, read this forum, go and chat to people on gamblers anonymous online and hooray..I can go to a meeting this Sunday, the risk of infection is low now. Yiphee...can't wait.

Keep working at yourselves as I keep working at myself. May we all find the strength to ignore the little devils in our heads. One day at a time.

Oh..and I am still not smoking, I stopped on the 6th March and I still have urges for that too, but I tell myself that trying to fight one cancer is enough and have a mint instead, lol.

When those urges come I deal with them like I do with the gambling urges...back to basics..

Just for today, I will not gamble.

Love to all

God Bless

Charly xx

LOADS OF HUGS COMING YOUR WAY, XXX

hey charly :O)

Thank you for your message on my diary. i'm glad it put a smile on your face reading what had happened yesterday. The addictive pesonality, we're exceptionally good at being good and exceptionally good at doings things that are not so good for us lol..GA just isn't my cup of tea yet I appreciate that it does work for others..

I like helping others in a way that is right for them, quite possibly to the extent of neglecting myself and yes applying it to myself..i'm glad in some respects what has happened to me recently in my life, it has brought about some serious questioning of myself which is a good thing. I'm at the bottom in terms of my monetary situation and that i am on JSA, but I want to move back up again and be better prepared this time round.

Take care

Zoe x

I just read ovier my entire diary. All 5 weeks and 1 day of it and seen your comment. How nice and appreciate it more than you would know. 1st time of readin your diary and how touching. I'v had hard days I think Mon is going to be difficult. At a gd friends and work colleagues funeral. 35 been married a yr and he's gone. We are so lucky and my prayers are with you on your journey not just with gambling but getting over your cancer. The challenges we face day by day we can deal with if we stay strong. You do that keep saying no to smoking and gambling and from the bottom of my heart good luck. x

Charly, thank you for your post in my diary, it means a lot. I t made me smile but brought tears to my eyes at the same time.

Im so glad that you decided not to have that first bet. You have been through so much and worked so hard to get this far and 2 years is just around the corner, what a magnificent achievement.

It just shows the strength we get from our meetings and how we can never be complacent and content with where we are, we must always strive for better things and to get stronger.

If im honest i dont know how i could have coped with all youre going through. Its a testament to how far youve come, and what a wonderful lady (yes lady..lol) you are.

God bless

Keith xx