[Closed] Charly's life

Hi Charly,

Just catching up & I cant believe what Im reading... Wow girl, weds entry is the best news that I could read & hope for. "Fantastic"

Hopefully that wonderful news will give you the strength to get through your last bout of treatment. Your body has had to work so hard to get to where it is now & certainly couldn't do it without your great courage & spirit (((Charly))).

Charly you have shown such strength in all of this, your posts have remained so up beat & real.

Even at the beginning of your battle, those bloody 'gambling demons' woke and bothered you. Many may of crumbled, trying to deal with what you were facing... not you. They may of been strong these feelings to gamble but you dealt with them, with all your tools and knowledge that you have gathered, kicking them into touch.

Be proud Charly. If you can do that in your situation, then it proves anyone can. When I read what some write on this site, forever 'bleating', forever caught up living a life of lies & excuses... because thats all they really are 'EXCUSES'. Well they should read your diary my friend and really think about themselves and their lives.

Charly, so sorry to read that your Dad is currently fighting his own battles and wish him all the best. As you say, it is out of your control and you take comfort in your faith and that the result will be what is best for your Dad.

I have never felt the need to belong to any particular religion, I don't know why? There have been times when I question why I don't seem to need to believe, but have never found any answers! lol

All I know is that the positivity & energy that comes from your posts, especially when you are referring to your faith is something very special. It kinda makes me jealous(if thats the right word, not sure!) Whatever it is that you are guided by, it is wonderful.

And there's more.......

May tonight be all that you want it to be. Your Pin I know will be worn with pride and so very deserved Wish I could be there tonight, but my thoughts will deffo be there with you. 😉

Well done Charly

Lots of love

Jackie x

Thanks Ade and Jac for your posts and thank you for everyone who reads my ramblings and is able to take something out of it for ther own recovery.

My Dad is on the up which is great news. Mum is getting better also and my sister tells me not to worry, she is quite capable to look after them. She knows I'd be there in a flash if I need to be. Bless her.

My pinning evening was wonderful and I feel very blessed to be cared for by so many people all over the world.

2 years ago I thought I was alone in the world, nobody cared if I lived or died. I made my choices. I chose to gamble and push away the people who really matter. But...back then I couldn't see what I was doing, how much I was hurting not just me but more importantly those I love and who strangely enough...love me.

It's been a long journey and it will be an even longer journey, one day at a time.

The difference between then and now is.... I am changing.... I am looking at me... and I change tiny little things....one example is that I have learned to really listen... not just pretend..I mean really listen....

to the sounds around (bees, birds etc) and to what my loved ones say.

Sounds easy???? ~It's not. I used to listen but then as soon as I had, whatever they said went straight out of my mind. I didn't take it in. It just wouldn't stay in my brain. Even now when my chidren and I talk about things from the past I often have to admit that I cannot remember.

The reason I can't is because I was too busy plotting on how to get to the casino and how to get money ..either out of them or anyone who would let me have some.

There just was no room in my head for things like...my daughter's boyfriend trouble or my son being bullied at school, my own past which had been put in a "Pandorra's box", locked up and hidden away.

I am grateful to my children to have given me the opportunity to make amends. I am grateful to my angel to give me that chance to become a better person and to be by my side still.

Slowly we are all moving forward and we are all learning to listen to each other and hearing each other and to be there for each other.

Thought for today

"Hear those around you and be there for each other"

God Bless

Charly xx

To lovely Charly,

You are always in my prayers and God has listened!

Love to you and your family.....Jas & co xxx

Charly, god bless you too my freind, your diary is such an inspiration, i loved the one where you said you were able to give your grandson money without drawing off the credit card, i feel soooooooo proud to know you charly xxxx

G xxxx

Hi Charly

Just caught up with your good news. Keep the positivity going it works if you believe.

Take care

Steve E

Hi Charly, just caught up on your good news. Thrilled to bits for you. Take care, Love Ostrich x

Hi Charly,

I just wanted to add my congratulations on your gambling free time.. am sure that you must feel very proud of what you have acheived.

I hear what you say about listening.. isnt it just a lovely feeling when someone has really listened to what one may have to say.. Similar to you when i was at "it" I never listened to anyone, not really.. only in the context of getting money. My mind was always such a whirl of emotion and anxiety. I was unwilling and unable to take in what other people maybe saying. Thoughts racing at a million miles an hour all courtesy of my gambling. Not anymore though.

All the best to you and your on-going recovery.. S.A 🙂

Hi Diary

Thanks to your posts and kind words. You know who you are.

Ginny - it was my son I was able to help. Unfortunately I don't have grandchildren - yet. I may never have any as both my children don't want any but that is ok as it is their desicion to make, not mine. I have 2 beautiful grand-kittens though, lol

My life is very up ánd down at the moment. And it is all my doing. I want to do things I just can't do yet. Then I get frustrated, try to do them anyhow and then wonder when I feel like crxp. Silly me.

But....and it is a big BUT.... I am now able to do my half hour of reflection, think about things and usually I start smiling and telling myself.... you silly girl.... let go and let God.......it is so weird thatIstill try to control things. I can look back at my life and see that every time I did control stuff it went haywire.... when I started my recovery and learned to let my Higher Power do the controlling bit, my life became easier to live.

Example - if something I have planned for like taking someone somewhere( in my head I then planned to stop off somewhere for a bite to eat or a coffee and then plan all sorts of other bits and pieces), and it then doesn't happen that way I would either get frustrated or sometimes even angry.

My serentity prayer helps me with the daily stuff now. I have no control, I cannot change many things, they just happen.

And now..... I can let them go.... not think about them, not dissect them and let them be what they are...daily things that happen in everyone's life...

I am grateful to be on my road to recovery. I am grateful to have had the gambling addiction. I would not have changed "Me" as much as I have if I hadn't.

I have the tools now to live life day by day. i might not always use all the tools I have been given, but I know I have them.

For me this recovery is no longer about finances, about how much money I have wasted...it's about finding me or even designing a new me.

As long as that "Me" is a better person than the one I was when I was gambling and I am able to look "Me" in the eye in a mirror and say...I like what I see...instead of avoiding the gaze and hating the mirror image....

And as long as those around me benefit from the "New Me"

Today I am grateful.....

God Bless

Char

How i loved reading this Charly.:)

As long as that "Me" is a better person than the one I was when I was gambling and I am able to look "Me" in the eye in a mirror and say...I like what I see...instead of avoiding the gaze and hating the mirror image....

Take Much Care

STAY STRONG (I know you will x)

Kim xx

Hi Charly, congrats and well deserved.

I was rereading some of your diary again and came across an entry whereby u took your friends credit card and intended to loan £40 but instead spent £400 in the casino?

Look how far you have come now. You are a different person now, and the honesty comes through with such sincerity I am always honoured to read your posts.

And to like "Me" is where we all want to be in our lives. You with all you have to fight and whereby many of us with self pity would have returned to our "comfort" zone, YOU continued to fight both in your battle with your health and your addiction.

I salute you my friend. Luv Min x

Great post and congrats on your health news and getting your 2 yr pin.

Designing the new you.....love that and i agree its the biggest challenge we face. Chipping away, making the little changes we need to make. I dont think we realise how far we have come til be look back, and i often do that at GA and its scary..lol

Lots of love xx

Charly,

Thanks for your post on my diary. G;ad your doing so well in recovery on both counts. Hope your looking forward to weekend stay strong dont gamble but most of all wear a big smile 🙂

Hi Charly

I've put this in my diary but I thought I'd add it to yours. Thankyou for your thoughts . I know it will be tough but I've never really bet in bookies much at all - less than a handful - If I see myself slipping up I will leave the job as it certainly wouldn't be worth it. Like I've said I hope that seeing people losing money (and physical money as opposed to typing in numbers online) will put me off.

Hopefully I'll follow your example and stay well clear of gambling from now on. It's encouraging to see how well people like you have done so congratualtions!

Rob

Charly,

What utterly fantastic news indeed. It says so much about the person you are that despite such hardships you have continued to post encouragement to so many. Now your good deeds have been rewarded, in the best possible way. Never has anyone deserved such good news.

We have have our own wee "crisis" to deal with from time to time, but such matters as you had to face put them firmly into perspective. That you have come through in such a manner sets you apart, a shinning light for us all.

I wish you & your Angel all the happiness in the world when the big day comes and for the future.

Reading such great news has really made my day

Hi Everyone

Charly here, very grateful recovering compulsive gambler.

Grateful to you for reading my posts and for writing in my diary.

Grateful for today because I will not gamble today nor will I smoke today.

Grateful for getting up when I did because I was able to rescue a little goldfinch in our garden.

I bought a new metal stand to hang bird food on last week and a little goldfinch got it's tail stuck between the 2 metal poles.

I thought it was dead and went to take it down. But it was only keeping still. I took the metal poles apart and the bird flew off.

It has returned since to feed which I am very glad about.

You see...I am grateful for being able to see the simple things in life, the ones that do not cost a fortune.

Rather then chasing fortunes which I will never hold, I am grateful for the things I have. My health (which is getting better by the day), my family (whom I love and who love me) a home ( even though messy at times it is our home) and friends ( all over the world who care for me and whom I care for)

Who cares about material riches. When you leave this earth you cannot take any of that with you.

But.. I believe you can leave behind the love you have shown to others and the love you have received.

God Bless

Charly xx