[Closed] Charly's life

Morning Diary

Thanks Ade and Jasmine for your posts.

I went ot my G.A. meeting last night and as always it was very though provoking. We had 3 new members and the chair person asked us to think about where we were 3 months prior to coming to the G.A. room and and where we were 3 months after finding the G.A. rooms.

I shared because thought it was important for the newbies to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I remember before I went to the room, I was completely lost, I was so wrapped up in the gambling addiction, I didn't give 2 hoots for anyone, not my partner, not my children, least of all me. All I cared about was where the money was coming from for my next "fix"

I begged, stole and borrowed to feed my addiction. Once I went to the room, I was told to give G.A. 90 days and if after the 90 days I thought that the room was not for me then they would refund me all my misery.

I heard people say how far in their recovery they were and it scared and shocked me to hear some of them saying they have been in the room for 5, 10, 15, 20 and more years.

I thought when I first went that I would be sorted/cured within a few meetings and that would be that. How wrong I was.

All I know is that I would be either living in a cardboard box or I would be dead by now if I hadn't found the G.A. rooms.

Someone once said to me - the gambling addiction is like a cancer. The G.A. room is the medicine. If you had cancer you wouldn't refuse or not take your medicine?!

How very true. My weekly G.A. meetings are my medicine. Without them I feel unsafe and the likelihood of me relapsing is so much higher when I don't go to my meetings as I have found out over the past months when I couldn't go for health reasons. I was able to apply the G.A. tools given to me, but I had a few "close shaves".

They have made me stronger though and have given me a better understanding of this addiction and have made me realise that I will have this for the rest of my life.

I am grateful to all of the people I have met since I started my recovery.

No matter if that is in person or over the internet. I am grateful to all of you. For together all of us have saved my life.

May God bless you all.

Charly xx

Charly,

What a positive, thought provoking post, I am so pleased that you found GA and that you now have a life without gambling. I hope to follow in your footsteps and am ready for the long, long road ahead.

You are an inspiration to many, me included.

DT

Charly thanks for posting - means so much considering might be hard for you to understand someone wanting to cut a sibling out.

Read some of your diary and sincerely sorry for what happened to Dirk. Heartbreaking.

thanks again you are an inspiration to me,

f x

Hi Charly,

I have just read something you wrote on another diary. It was this..

" In order to keep your recovery you have to give it away"

I so agree with that.. just wanted to say. Regards.. S.A 🙂

You are lovely charly 🙂

Hi Charly,

Just wanted to say thank you for your lovely comment on my diary, hugs to you. I am so grateful to be in a position of neutrality regarding gambling. I know it is a daily reprieve contingent on practicing the 12 steps in all my affairs. We had a newcomer last night at our meeting in Newmarket, the parents were confused and bewildered by the addictive behaviour but they left the meeting with some hope. I have seen a few people come and go at our meeting as I'm sure you have also Charly, I am so grateful to be out of that misery. I am delighted to have a super sponsor who I can turn to. He made the steps simple for me, trust God, clean house and help others. Today I have something to offer, I am a person of worth.

LIF,

Hugs xxx

Hi Diary

Thank you guys and girls for your mesages. As always..they help me a lot in my recovery.

HOORAY HOORAY HOORAY!!!!!

I have had my final chemo therapy today.

One more circle to go through. Circle being - feeling tired, irritable, in pain at times, feeling dizzy and sick sometimes, being short of breath

One and a half weeks of that and then that will be the end of it.

Am having another cat scan in 3 week's time so they have a'new' picture of me, lol

Then the first of many check ups on the 18th September. But that is too far in the future to think about, really.

Although, I have started to get just that little bit excited about our forthcoming holiday now.

I have received my compromise agreement in the post today and it feels real for the first time - me, officially being made redundant this Friday.

My office closed on the 12th June and all my colleagues were made redundant then.

My former boss has moved to Manchester with the company but everyone else had to look for new jobs. Knowing all this and having seen the office as an empty shell, it still didn't quite sink in until today, when I held the paperwork in my hand. And now I feel a bit bizarre, sad, upset, but at the same time excited about the prospect of going out there, in the big wide world and try and find a job with people who will make me as happy as have been with my old company and work colleagues...

My Higher Power will guide me and I have faith to find a suitable alternative.

I wish you all a gamble free day.

God Bless

Charly xx

Charly, so glad that you have come to the end of the chemo. Thanks for the nice words on my diary. Feeling a bit naff today but doing my best to turn it all over. I just love to be busy at work and right now things are quiet. Well they would be.

I guess reaching 60 has been a bit of a wake up call. Where did all those years go? Reflection. Sadness that so many in my family aren`t around any more, and living a many miles away from those that are.

However I am blessed with so much and have many happy memories.

Just want to thank you for the care you give to many. One of those days we will get that coffee together. You shine like a beacon.

God Bless us all.

Hi Charly

Thanks for your post on my diary and your continued support. So glad for you that your chemo has now finished, i realy do hope you are feeling ok and not too drained. Your whole recovery amazes me, how strong you are, how supportive you are and you seem a realy great person.

You are a genuine inspiration to me and no doubt whatsoever to many others. Your posts are always thoughtful and at times very thought prevoking.

Many thanks again Charly, take care.. andrew xx

Hope you get a nice rest Charly Girl!!!

Happy to read Mr Chemo is no more ....

Take Care

STAY STRONG

Kim xx

Reading about your experinces with Mr Chemo really does put ones life into perspective. As others have said am happy with you that he's been given his marching orders. And whatever life has thrown at you, you have and continue to work your recovery.. an inspiration! All the best in recovery.. S.A 🙂

Thanks for your support charly, you're a star.

Thanks to Graham, ands, Kim, S.A. and sirgamblelot for your messages.

Am going to see the solicior a bit later to go through the compromise agreement, then have tons of forms to fill in and send off. Tonight my angel and I are going to see my american friend and listen to him sing. Haven't seen him for a while as his gigs take him all over the country. I am looking forward to it.

I wish you all a weekend full of peace and fun, without gambling.

Together we are strong.

God Bless

Charly

Recovery was the hard option, no more excuses, no more putting things off, it is about taking all the tools up that are required for me to become a much healthier person.

No one forced me in to giving my money to gambling establishments, I did it very willingly, and even rushed to give them my money I could not wait. They did not put a gun to my head at all.

While in action gambling, the walls of fear were up all the time 24 hours a day, there was no escape from who I was or what I did, I could not even admit that I was scared of the postman or scared of the telephone.

Is living in fear any way to live your life? Hence GA asks us to first of all talk about our gambling actions and the money we had lost that seemed impossible at one time.

But as we let go of some of fears we talk about the gambling and the lost money, then comes the conscious decision to talk about our true feelings, to identify each vulnerable moment, to recognize our triggers.

In recovery they get us to identify we are sick, because if we can admit to our self we are sick then we can get better. In time we will identify that the consequences of any obsessive behavior is unhealthy and has unhealthy consequences.

Once we tie up unhealthy actions causing us more pains fears and frustrations we then can see and feel our true feelings identify them and then process them in a healthy way.

Yes recovery is the hard option and the hard path but once you go a certain distance down that healthy path you do not want to go back to gambling any more.

The most powerful thing about recovery is step one not reacting in an unhealthy way when life seems to become unmanageable; my triggers were pain fear frustrations and boredom.

Pain fear frustrations and boredom sounds so simple why did it take me so long to learn to listen and understand how I used to react in unhealthy ways, I know for sure I am not stupid evil or bad, there is no doubt in my mind today about that.

In seeing myself in others I can see that we are all equal, that if one person can do something there is no reason why us others cannot do the same. I am very surprised and proud of people who in recovery take the next steps of not abusing their bodies any more.

For some they give up smoking, they stop drinking excessively alcohol tea coffee and even reduce their sugar intake and their salt intake each action of respecting their body makes them stronger people.

I was one who used to believe that I loved my gambling that it was a passion, but it was not, yet if I thought that my obsession was love why did I not understand what love was all about with my family?

How many people think they love foods? Even today there are certain things that once I start eating them I found out that I could not just have one. For me those things are obsessions.

In time my pace slowed down I am able to be more patient and more tolerant, in doing so I am not on that adrenaline rush any more, in taking things more slowly I am able to enjoy my journey through life.

But each day we all start off the same day with a blank sheet with which to improve our programming in how face and deal with life.

I am not willing to get stressed out over something that might happen tomorrow, I live for today, my today is a present, for that I am grateful. I have focus and direction in my life today.

I have that choice to live a healthy or unhealthy life today; I have that choice to react from pain fear or frustrations or to interact with people in a healthy way?

Over time I am less of a threat to myself and to other people, I enjoy living life that way today.

A fellow cg wrote the above and I could identify with a lot of what he wrote. I thought I put it in my diary for keeps and for sharing.

God Bless

Charly

Charly,

Great post, it rang many bells with me, I now realise that stopping gambling is only the start of a long, hard recovery.

Thankyou,

DT.