[Closed] Charly's life

Hi Diary

I am glad things have improved at home and my mind has been put at ease. My son registered with a gambling site because he saw a freebee game online he likes to play. In order for him to do so, he had to register. He has received another letter since, which I found in the pile of letters ready for the incinerator.

Just goes to show..we all still have a long way to go in our recovery. Me and my man...need to learn to not jump to conclusions, but learn to communicate if there is something that is bothering us. The brain is a funny thing and often plays scenarios that are not true and/or will never happen, only because of past experiences and not being openminded.

Talking is a big part of recovery...to learn not to keep things in, to let them out...and to let them out in such a way that it is not upsetting or offensive to anyone else...

Wow...day by day there is something new in my life.... Thank you recovery...

I wish more people would get on the road to their own recovery and really look at themselves and make changes to things they don't like about themselves...I mean...really change... I feel so much better for changing me....

God bless

Charly xx

Really enjoyed your last post and it sounds like your in a really good place. Its true in all walk of life how our brain plays scenarios that are not true and being open minded is a great way of helping things along. Stay strong don't gamble and keep smiling 🙂

Hi Diary

Thanks PSOWM for your kind words.

I am glad yesterday has gone and I got through it.

Yesterday was the 9th anniversary of my beloved brother's suicide.

I tried to keep busy and met up with my angel for lunch near his work, which was very nice.

When I first got up I was ok, but as the clock ticked by and the time approached when he died, I broke down and cried my heart out.

I then questioned why it still hurts so much after all these years. People say time heals... and yeah it's true in some ways. I can talk about Charly now without breaking out in tears, so I suppose that is progress.

My G.A. buddies tell me I need to feel the feeling to be able to let it go.

Boy, did I feel them yesterday.

Maybe I feel them so intensly now because I am on my recovery and am able to feel my emotions. I am not blocking them out any longer. I was very relieved that those feelings yesterday didn't make me want to run away and gamble like they have done so often in the past.

Again, I suppose, that is progress.

I was able to hurt without gambling.

I phoned my sister-in-law and talked and cried with her last night and I also spoke with my niece for a while. It helped us all to get yesterday over with.

The positive I take out of yesterday is - I can hurt and feel pain without running away to gamble 🙂 🙂 🙂

Today, as I look out of the window, the sun is shining, I am packing some clothes and tonight I am driving up to Nottingham to see my little girl for a week. My angel is driving up too, and is staying until Sunday evening.

I just needed to write all this down.

Thank you for sharing my recovery with me by reading my posts.

Just for today, let's not gamble

Love and Hugs

God Bless

Charly xx

Hi Charly,

A heartfelt post.

Somehow it has helped me in reading your thoughts. My own self-pity feelings of today are starting to lift. Enjoy your weekend.. S.A 🙂

Hi Diary.

Thanks S.A. for popping in an dreading. Am glad my ramblings have cheered your day up a bit.

I was sent this and I think it's good for all of us.

THIS IS SO AWESOME....READ IT EVERY WEEK!!!

AMAZING...

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The

Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"

1.. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18.. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".

26. Always choose life.

27. Forgive everyone everything.

28. What other people think of you is none of your business.

29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

32. Believe in miracles.

33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

36. Your children get only one childhood.

37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd

grab ours back.

40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

41. The best is yet to come.

42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

43. Yield.

44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

May you all find your right path in life and may God Bless you all

Charly xx

I enjoyed reading that Charly,

thanks for sharing that with us 🙂

glad you got through a tough week gamble free last week. Sounds like a lot of feelings are still very painful, but at least you didn't empty your bank balance in order to deal with them.

Take care,

f x

Charly,

Thank you for your diaries.

I can see that GA and therefore "the 12 steps" are an important part of your life, but theirin lies my dilemma. Would you do me a great service and comment on my recovery diary of today-bearing in mind point 13 of that Lady's "Life notes" that you kindly listed.

I would be very grateful.

Best of luck,

James (James My New Diary)

Hi Charly,

Thanks for your post, loved the one yesterday about 45 things to do each day, played golf today in purple trousers as a result.(;-)).

Think I posted my feelings about GA without really knowing what it it can be like, for that I apologise, I am often quick to jump in without thinking things through too much. I went to one GA meeting about 12 years ago and found the whole thing very uncomfortable in many ways and I think that soured my opinion of the work GA does for so many people.

Part of this process for me has been to try and be more open-minded about everything in life, especially other people's feelings and opinions. I've got a long, long way to go with that, but at least I'm able to make the effort now. Previously I didn't listen at all to opinions that differed from mine. I now know that my father brought me up with that attitude, it was not actually mine - I inherited it from him.

Anyhow, feels like I'm learning a lot as the days pass and wanted to thank you for your support and insight along the way,

Warm regards,

DT.

Hi started reading the early parts of your diary last night and will read more. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings in what from the early stages seems to have been a very hard time for you. Still reading through your entrys a bit at a time. Warm thoughts BlockedOut

Hi Charly,

Those 44 steps.. thought provoking read. I will try to take them on board in my every day life. Ive responded to your thoughts about Ga principles in my diary and I think in essence i agree with you.. though must admit another thought has come along.

Sometimes I find myself sitting in a meeting getting a great deal simply from listening to a new members therapy really empathising with what they are saying but then as is so often the case... a long time member will then seek to educate that new member "at length" about recovery.

Its the "at length" that gets to me. I watch as the new members eyes glaze over. I find myself getting angry with the insensitive and rigid way in which others can sometimes respond to new members. Its as if its more about the long time members needs than the needs of the newbie. Do you see what i mean? For me this is the slight downfall of Ga. Sometimes I go through am emotional rollercoaster simply by being there.

Overall I find meetings hugely positive though. I don't mean to grumble too much. I think have just woken in a slightly crabby mood this morning and youve got it in your diary.. lol.. sorry.

Great stuff on your continued recovery.. S.A 🙂

Today I will rest. I've been doing a lot of emotional work, and now it's time for a break. Do I cry easily? Am I quick to become angry? Have I been depressed?

It's normal for my emotions to be close to the surface when I'm doing emotional work. I will allow myself my emotions. I can tell my children or loved ones that I may be feeling more sensitive or vulnerable lately. I can ask for their support and patience. I don't have to share my healing process with them if I choose not to.

Today I will be gentle with myself, knowing that I'm exactly where I need to be - free.

You are reading from the book:

Time to Fly Free by Judith R. Smith

Wanted to share this with you guys.

We all work very hard at our recovery. I concentrate so much day by day, that I often don't give myself a break. Hence the above. Once I have rested I will look at the following:

Keeping my mind active through good, intellectual discussions is important to me. Talking over golf scores doesn't take us very far.

--Louise Jerome

Small talk is what engages us much of the time. There's nothing shameful about that. Many of the individuals we're in the company of are strangers to us. Inconsequential discussions seem safer then. Yet, keeping our minds active through thoughtful discussions about the world expands our knowledge and awareness. This exercises our minds in important ways. Just as muscles atrophy when unused, so do minds.

Many people shy away from in-depth discussions. Maybe we frequently do that, too. Oftentimes it's because we feel inadequate to others. Maybe we assume they are better educated. Fears of inadequacy are familiar to most of us. Will we ever learn that we are and always have been all that we've needed to be?

One of the good things about growing older, for some of us at least, is that we realize most worries don't materialize; most situations aren't as serious as we anticipated, and most people are more approachable than they first appear to be. Taking risks to share our thoughts gets easier the more we practice it. Let's not shy away from this today.

I'll dare to share my opinions today. A good discussion can energize me.

You are reading from the book:

Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey

Have a great week in recovery. I am off to Germany tomorrow to visit my family for a week. Haven't seen them in a while and thought it was time to change that.

God Bless

Charly

Thanks for your post on my diary.

Jac and I are doing ok, life can be a b**** at times but I know that gambling will never make it any better, only worse.

Without gambling in my life I can concentrate on the real important things of life, like my family, especially Jac.

Have a good time in Germany.

Take care

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

Hi Diary

Thank you S.A. for all you have done. I am grateful to have you on my road to recovery.

Unlike S.A., I need to keep this diary.

I don't post as often as I used to, but I know that I can off-load whenever I need to. I can't get myself to start a new diary, because this one has been my companion for so long and it holds all of my changes, all of my achievements, all of my ups and downs and all the help and support of people like you guys who read the diaries now.

To discard it would be like discarding my friends and me.

I have had a busy few weeks. I went and stayed with my daughter for a week which was very nice and I was spoiled. I was invited to a Spa and was pampered for a whole day along with my daughter. Spending precious time with her makes life worth living. Now the children are grown up it is very difficult to make amends because they live their own lives. And when they live far away it is even harder. SoI am grateful when I can spend some time with my girl. My son still lives with me so I get to spend more time with him.

Then I went to Germany for a week to spend some time with my parents. I came back Monday and again, I had a good time.

Again, I was able to work at my recovery because a lot of the character defects I have identified since starting my recovery from gambling, I have had a long time. Most of them go back to my childhood and seeing how my parents and siblings live their lives, I was able to deal with a few more of my demons and my defects.

This journey of self discovery is very important to and for me. I am able to help myself and others far better now then I was ever able to. The reason for that is that I can see more and more where I went wrong and by correcting my wrong behaviour I can give advise from my experience, but at the same time let them sort theirselves out. I hope this makes sense..well..it does to me.

It is good and scary at the same time to see so many new people here. I would love to write on all your diaries...but this programme is selfish. I think I am helping by just writing my stuff down. I know, by you guys writing your stuff down it has and will carry on helping me because I do read a lot here and it helps me to keep my life real.

God Bless

Charly xx

Bye bye everyone...I will be back at some point in the future, I just can't cope with the temptation of some diaries.

Please see my Topic - That's it -

Love and Hugs to all

God Bless

Charly xx

Hi Charly,

You have helped me a great deal in recent days.. to stick with my diary..which i am now going to do (maybe have a read). Perhaps I can now offer the same service to you.

Whilst it is wrong (in my opinion) for other diary writers to talk about the details of individual bets and I to have got angry about this in the past (for all the reasons you highlight in your other post).. it is also simply a reflection of where they are at in their headspace.

The diary writer I think you are referring to has probably not fully felt the consequnces of thier addiction (if indeed they accept that they do have an addiction) and has thus not made the determined decision not to gamble anymore. It would have been helpful if they had taken on-board previous feedback on the issue but they decided not to.

However something that am trying to see in my self is this... I cannot regulate or try to control what other people say or do. I can only try to regulate myself. Whatever other people do or dont do is up to them. If you read something that upsets you.. feel the feelings and then let it go

I wish you well Charly in whatever you decide to do... you have certainly helped me over recent days and for that I thank you. You can change your mind about things at any point. Kind regards.. S.A 🙂