[Closed] Charly's life

Charly, take some well earned time out from here, i have and it helps.

Unfortunately, not everyone has your strength, foresight, desire and will to succeed and use this site for all sorts of reasons often unrelated to gambling.

Use the GA forums/meetings to gather strength and share your love when you need to and let others find their path.

Most of all , do what is right for you in your continued recovery and let go of everything that may cause you veer off your path.

Lots of love

Keith

Hi Charly....you lovely person you!

I think I know whose diary you are referring to.....if I am honest with you I read one of this person's posts previously which went into specific betting detail and it sent me into a tail spin. I actually thought about gambling on something I might never have known existed. It's dangerous posting with no respect for others.

I still hang around here as I have learnt so much and I still am learning. I read a great post the other day from Jac and that was from 2007....there is so much to learn and understand.

I for one have appreciated all the wonderful help and support you gave me. I decided to delete my diary as it was more about my family woes and to be honest it was getting me down and getting me nowhere. My recovery is well on its way but it's one hell of a battle.

Look after yourself Charly.

love from Jas xx

Charly, Charly, (((Charly)))... I just don't know what to say really. (Thats gotta be a first eh! lol)

I so enjoyed your post on wed. 25th in your diary. Especially the part about why you choose to keep & maintain your diary... and I totally get that.

When I logged in last night I couldn't believe what I was reading! Although you had already deleted a post from someones diary, I think I get the gist of it.

I suppose I am just so shocked at your anger but at the same time understand the sheer frustration that can erupt. I have also experienced this & worse sometimes reading some diaries. If I wrote at those times, then I'm sure Gamcare would of kicked me out years ago!!! But in reality, I can only manage my own recovery. The Serenity Prayer comes to mind my friend.

I suppose I'm surprised about you, because I believe it is the first time that you have let out your thoughts about 'others' in print. Normally your brilliant energy, kindness & understanding of your recovery is what shines through.

Others here, including me have learnt a lot ourselves through your learning of you.... if that makes sense?

Stopping gambling, choosing recovery is surrounded by emotional ups & downs along the way, you know that Charly and its the same for everyone.

I for one hope that it isn't too long before you pop back to your diary.

Love to you Sabine

Jackie

(((( Charly)))

I couldn't log on yesterday for some reason, maybe my IP playing up.

I was sorry when I read yourpost and like your other friends a little suprised.

Having sid that I get exactly what you mean, it has been annoying me to and I posted about it in quite forthright way abpout a month back because I was annoyed.

At the begining I struggled for the first few months but thanks to the direction and suppoert I found here, in no small measure, I found the courage I needed to finally give everything to my recovery.

You and your support has meant so much to me I hope that you wil come back when you are ready and let us know how you sre.no need to even read other diaries if you dont want too.

Sending you big hugs Sabine, in my thoughts always.

Take care

love

W xxxx

Hello Charly,

Went hunting today and brought back your diary with me!

Miss you girl & your posts. Hope things are good for you at the moment, all beit busy I expect.

Hope that you still pop in & read here and when I look back to your last proper post it was only 25 Nov... but feels much longer in length... Time is a strange one for me, ever since I stopped working.

Thought I would just add a few of your own words from your post on the 25.... I need to keep this diary.

To discard it would be like discarding my friends and me.

Thinking of you

Jackie x

Hello Charly,

I hope you had a good xmas and I want to wish you a very happy & content year ahead.

You had to take on so much last year... so very much was thrust upon you. As always the 'public' Charly fought her way through and gave the enemy a right good kicking! We were all there with you girl in spirit, lining up in the forum to support you in your war.

Your job coming to an end, all the uncertainty that comes with that, pre & post. Also you Dads health troubles... Quite a year for anyone to manage.

I think this year you have a lot of physical energy to rebuild back into your being. It must of taken a huge amount of the 'inner you' to of survived the battle, the awful but necessary medication you had to take and everything that went with it.

You can not be the same person you were before, when life threatening events happen they change everything, our thoughts, idea's & outlooks on everything. Its natural and will take time... perhaps more time than we think we first needed. But thats ok.

So ((Sabine)), Happiness & strength to you my friend as 2010 unfolds. You have those that love you in your life and of course your faith to help you along with your new maybe reshaped recovery.

Thinking of you

Jackie x

(Get those thoughts of yours down in writing Charly, it helped before. Maybe on paper tho... just for you and maybe your Angel to read back on, when the time is right and you are ready 😉 love to you x )

Happy 2010 Charly. Thank you for helping me.

Jas x

Hi Diary.

I have missed you.

Sometimes I get in my own way, haha..well..actually I'm always getting in my own way...and then wonder why things go wrong, lol....

Again and again I make the same mistakes...instead of stepping back and letting my Higher Power take over, I want to do it myself, I want to be in control...I want to judge I want to tell people how they should live their lives...where they are going wrong and how they can change that and become....????..what??...like me???...Oh Boy...I have had a few weeks of looking in the mirror and putting a few things right in my head and my heart...

I needed the time away from here to clear my head and move forward in "my" recovery and not let the recovery of others and the way they did it affect my own....because I stopped looking at me I started grumbling at others....

I have had a real B*****r of an end to 2009 and I am glad it is gone.

My friend of 31 years lost her brother New Years Eve to cancer and then my lovely Dave, my work colleague, who has been with me through my fight against cancer and has always been so very positive throughout his own battle with it, lost his fight on the 30.December.

My my, did I go off on an emotional roller coaster then.

I even felt guilty for having beaten my cancer and he hasn't. I have yet to pluck up the courage to go and see his Mum...again the guilt I feel is stopping me. We have been in communication throughout the last year and whenever I felt low, he would pick me up and vis-a-versa. When I spoke with him a week before Christmas he was so full of beans and was looking forward to a new treatment he was to try in the new year. It's not meant to be. I feel glad that he is no longer in pain, I feel happy that he had the chance to go to a carol service and see his whole family.

Love you lots Dave. Go and enjoy that pint with your Dad now. R.I.P.

I am grateful that I no longer gamble because I am able to feel all the emotions above and a few more and not run back to it. It is no longer an option to escape to. Not for me anyway....

I can be on a rollercoaster of emotions, be sick or giggle, all without giving in to the demon which is gambling.

Because today... I have the choice... I choose not to gamble, I choose not to have utter chaos in my life.

Thank you to all who have written in my diary. Jac...I thank you especially. I am especially grateful to have you in my life and you know why.

Here's to a wonderful, gamble free 2010.

God Bless

Sabine xx

That was very moving Charly-Glad to have you back with us.

Thanks James. Glad to be back. 🙂

Here is something I was sent by a G.A. buddy. I want to add it to my diary for future reference.

Let Go and Let God.

--Twelve Step slogan

Some days we might ask ourselves, Is it worth it? We feel alone. No one seems to care. Life seems hard. Recovery seems hard.

This is when we need to slow down and take a look at what's going on. We're feeling this way because we're off our recovery path. We may be back into wanting people to see things our way, or do things our way. We want control.

Remember, all problems are not our problems. All work is not our work. We can't have everything the way we want it. But we can do our part and let go of the rest. Then we can feel better.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me remember my only work today is to do Your will for me. It is not my job to be You.

Action for the Day

I'll talk with my sponsor or a program friend today. I'll talk about how to deal with things that seem to pull me down.

and this one I like too

Life is for enjoying. It is not a race to see how much you can get done.

--Jill Clark

Before we quit using alcohol and other drugs, we wasted precious hours, days, maybe years. Consequently, we feel we must make up for lost time. We make promises and commitments we don't have the time or the energy to fulfill. This is a normal response to hindsight. After all, we missed many wonderful opportunities when our focus was on getting and staying high.

Making up for the past is different from making the most of each twenty-four hours. It's not how much we accomplish in life but how we treat others along the way that counts. We can accomplish our daily tasks while being kind to other people. But choosing the latter as the more important action will bring a far greater sense of well-being than succeeding at "moving mountains."

I will get done everything I really need to do today if I focus on being kind to the women and men who cross my path.

Hi Charly.. a great deal of what you have said in your recent posts has struck a chord with me.. being kind to each other is what matters.. thank you for sharing.. S.A 🙂

Thanks S.A. Nice to know it helps others too, not just me. 🙂

Hmmm....have just come out of chat and told my dear friends in there I would write down why I am feeling only "so so" at the moment.

To be honest, I am a bit disappointed(if that is the right word, maybe sad or even a bit upset describes it better)) with another G.A. member from my group.

Although I realise that I can only do my own recovery and I can only make changes to myself, it is a bit upsetting when someone who you have listened to since going to G.A. and have kinda looked up to for support and advise, calls you at home and says..."Oh by the way, I have gambled since Christmas"

I know the books say that I must always be on guard, never become complacent because the gambling demons are always there, lurking in the background, waiting for you to become weak and then...boom..they pounce...

I just didn't realise that my G.A. buddy was struggling..and that with 2 meetings a week. Just goes to show that just stopping gambling and going to meetings without sharing, does not work. Even in the room people are not mind readers. Unless people speak about their struggles, they cannot be helped.

I am glad I am able to look in the mirror and see where my errors are and I that I have been given the tools to work at me every day. Sometimes I get it wrong. I am human, I make mistakes and that is ok.

There are a few other things I am working on at the moment but I don't think they would be any good here. I talk with my G.A. buddy and with my angel which helps.

A lot of the time I find myself in emotionally challenging situations because I don't talk enough.

Actually, my friend's confession has only strengthened my belief about the necessity to talk with somebody about what goes on in my head. It is no good keeping it there, building up pictures, situations and scenarios in my head which don't materialise. By talking to just one trusted person about them, I am able to discard a lot of my anxiety.

One of my daily inventory itinery is all about talking..talking and more talking.....

When I go down my lower paths I always find that it is because I don't talk at that moment in time.

I am grateful to have all my tools to help stay stong...

Gamcare, G.A., my friends and most of all my angel...

Of course the other thing on my mind is the death of my friend Dave whose funeral will be on the 15th. I miss my chats with him. I wish the treatment had helped him as much as it helped me. For reasons unbeknown and not comprehendable to me, God decided that Dave' time was up and that He needed him more in his world. I know he will make a lot of people happy wherever he is now.

I will cherish the wonderful memories I have.

God Bless

Charly

Hi Charly,

You've been through so much recently...here is a hug for you....you deserve it.

I am sorry to hear that your friend lost his battle with cancer...I know how awful it is as I lost both my mother and my sister to it. I will keep your friend and you in my prayers.

Jas x

((Charly))

You are grieving my friend and yet still have the wisdom to carry on learning about yourself, that shows your inner strength & determination to work your recovery.

I think that you will continue to be 'so-so' until after the funeral. You have many emotions to work through and they will all happen in their own time.

The faith you put into your GA friend who has gambled, also results in a kinda grieving for you.

Your job now is to concentrate on you. Let all those emotions flow through you. Taking odaat has never been so important or meaningful as it must be at the moment. Thoughts & feelings will change and improve but for now, be in the moment and 'breathe' your way through...

Here for you,

Jackie x

Big hugs (((((( Charly))))))

What a year you have had, jobs,health and bereavement.

Another kind of bereavement really over your GA friend. You are right keep comunicating whether its here, Ga or your Angel.

So glad you are back, wishing you a wonderful 2010.

love

W xxx