[Closed] Charly's life

hi charly

just finished reading ur whole diary o*g what a roller coaster but so glad i read it,i was in tears reading some parts of it like u i dont talk about my feeling like u i imgaine what might happen like u i pretend everything is ok and smile not alot and lock everything away even finding it hard to write them down anyway hope to talk soon

wishing u well........norma x

Hi Diary

I am so glad I vented here yesterday. Was able to talk to son today in a calm manner. A lot calmer then I would have been had I not off-loaded here.

He said" I know you say what you say because you care and I love you for it. Rest assured that if I find this 'relationship' is getting too much for me I will end it.I am not into self destruction. I love you Mom"

Then I had a long talk with my daughter and we put the world to right this morning.

I have wonderful children. I am so grateful to have found G.A. and my recovery. What would I have lost if I hadn't....nope..I'm not going to go down that road. Plays havock with my brain if I do.

On another positive note. I am glad to have my fab children although I am sure they think their mother is mad...and they would be right..but..I'm mad in a nice way...:)

Tonight my angel and I are going to our Country club to support a group. A member of said group passed away and they are doing a charity gig to raise funds for the family. I will donate some money but will not partake in any raffle they do. Mind you, if they ask and they have done in the past, I just tell them that I have a gambling problem and that I am able to give them some money and a bottle for the raffle but that I do not want any tickets, thank you very much. People are very understanding if you are honest with them I found. Comforting thought.

Tomorrow my angel and I will drive to Coventry to see the other man in my life,lol.

Country music again I'm afraid, I just love it..and Bobby D Sayer is just..hmmmm....let's just leave it at that(even 'old' girls are aloud to dream,lol)

Ha..and my angel knows that I have a soft spot for this particular specimen and he's fine with it. He knows it's only the music I love. It's my angel who holds my heart. ANd anyway..my angel, his sister and her partner are coming with me. 🙂

Love and Hugs to all

Have a good gamble free weekend

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

Letting go is a decision.

The obsession to pressure other people to see things our way keeps us agitated. In contrast, the wisdom to understand that every person's view has validity, at least for that person, is a gift we receive from working the Twelve Steps. Our daily assignment, then, is to be patient and listen so that we may learn this lesson from women and men who have walked this path already, women and men who have come to understand that letting go of others and their addictions promises relief from the obsession that troubles each of us.

Look around. All of us have tried to force solutions that didn't fit. And we drove ourselves crazy trying to control the behavior of others, certain that "doing it our way" was not only reasonable, but right. Our past sometimes may appear to be a series of failures. But our present experience can be peaceful, hopeful, and successful. It's our decision to let go. A small decision that we can make many times today, every day.

"Let go" are tiny words with huge rewards. If I want to, I can give up my attempts to control someone today. Peace will be my reward.

Make yourself at home.

It was night, only a few months after I'd begun my skydiving adventure. It was too cold to stay in my tent; I had rented a cabin near the drop zone. Now I'd come back to hang out for a while, before retiring for the night.

One of the skydivers I'd met recently was sitting in a lawn chair, under the tarped area between the rows of trailers that had been turned into team rooms and student training areas. The evening lights had been turned on. He was wrapped up in a sleeping bag, reading a book under the hazy glow. He was one of the full-time skydivers, who had been attracted to the g***y lifestyle of the skydiving community as much as the sport itself.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm in my living room, reading a book," he replied. "Do you like the view of the backyard?" he asked, making a gesture toward the rolling *** that cascaded gently in the background. "That's my patio," he said, pointing to a small area just around the corner. "The morning sun hits there. It's a warm place to sit and eat breakfast. Sometimes I sleep in that tent," he said, pointing off to the side." And sometimes I take my sleeping bag and curl up under the stars in the landing area, over there."

I looked around, almost envious of his freedom.

Sometimes, we get so busy and involved creating a "home" for ourselves that we create a structure that's too safe, limiting, and confined. We forget about our real home, the planet earth. It's good to sleep indoors. It's nice to make ourselves comfortable in our home. But don't let your cozy nest become a locked, confining box.

Stretch your arms, Push the lid off the box. Get out into the world. Walk around. Move about. See the ***, the lakes, the forests, the mountains peaks, the valleys, the rivers.

See how big your world can be. See how connected everything is. See how connected you are, too - to all that is. Make yourself comfortable, wherever you are. Make yourself a home and be at home in the world.

God, help me relax and make myself at home in your bountiful world.

The *** in above text are for the word h-i-l-l-s like in mountains. It gets taken out automatically. I suppose because it could be mistaken for the name of a bookie.

Shame computers only recognise words not the context.

But..computer says : " No"

Boy, my head is all over the place.

Things are happening around me which make my head go all over the place. Thanks to G.A. I have learned to step back and look at it with a bit of detachment.

People I know have gone back to gambling after abstaining for years....here and in my group.

It knocked me a bit and makes me very sad. It also evokes thoughts like..well, if they can do it then maybe I can too, just once or ..just for a bit...scary thoughts, which are quickly discarded...then I read my books and I realise that it is their path and I cannot walk it for them...It is not somethingI have any influence over. WhenI get those thoughts they make me feel very vulnerable. 2 1/2 years after stopping, I can still go back into gambling thinking mode just like that...the difference is..I don't act on it. I have tools and barriers in place to stop me....I choose not to gamble..I think about where I was and where I am now..I think the "gambling tape" in my head through to the end..and I don't like what my mind's eye is showing me..so I choose not to do it...

Sounds simple??? Yeah, but it is bloxxy hard work. Looking at myself, changing things I don't like about me, it's a daily uphill struggle...I hope at the end of my life I will be able to reach the top, rest..and like Ade so often said..enjoy the view....

It is up to me and not anyone else to make these changes....I am responsible only for myself...

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

Hi Charly, always good to see your posts. I can assure you I am still active in my programme. I know its a fact of life that many will return to gambling. My sponsor turned it around for me when he said I should be surprised that people stay in the fellowship and that helped me a lot. It only makes me continue to do the things I do to keep me straight. You know the programme, trust god, clean house and help others. Simple programme for complicated people. Newmarket meeting doing well, more people coming through the door, no-one ready to take over the meeting so I will continue for the time being. Take care and God bless,

Luv Paddy

When a, man leaves off believing in imaginary property, then only will he make use of his true property.

--Leo Tolstoy

The original meaning of property is "belonging to the self." In this sense, land, houses, money, paintings, jewels, cars cannot be our property; they are all things, and we enjoy using them, but they have nothing to do with our selves.

What then is our true property? It's our moral and spiritual qualities; our capacity for love, our commitment to honesty. These are what make a difference in who we are. The difference between a lie and the truth is vastly greater than the difference between a bicycle and a Mercedes. When we appreciate this distinction, we can begin to develop our spiritual selves.

We all know that things can't make us happy; only a loving heart and a clear conscience can do that. Yet often we act as though the piling up of things was important in itself. A little reflection can restore our balance and return our imaginary property to its true place in our lives.

True property is what nothing can take away from me.

I read this and thought I'd share it.

Happy recovery

God Bless

Charly/Sabine xx

I liked this too....

The Four "A's"

Dear God, I have learned to live within my limitations and to live up to my capacities as I grow in recovery. As I try to practice the principles of our Program, I will accept the truth that I seek progress and not spiritual perfection. I pray to admit my limitations and remind myself I am only human. I have quit trying to play God.

When I take my inventory and remember the Four "A's" - Acceptance, Awareness, Action, and Attitude - I continue learning to live within my limitations and to live up to my capabilities.

Have a good gamble free weekend.

God Bless

Charly/Sabine cxx

Hi Charly

Im not actually replying to anything on your diary its to a post you put on captains diary yesterday.Straight from the heart.It was full of positivity even after all the things that have gone wrong for you.

Excellent post Charly the best ive seen yet i think iwent through the same emotions as you whilst reading it lol.Im sure you will have some kind words for your son today All the best Jeff.

Hello Charly,

Think we were posting at the same time just now... but I take so bloody long to type I'm surprised its not Monday by now! lol

Good to see you around. I took a couple of days away for thinking that was needed. Works wonders doesn't it 😉

As do your posts, always food for thought. I cant relate to the god you talk of but I do have my own higher power and that hasn't let me down yet. Each to their own eh.

What days are your local Ga's on? Do they hold 'open' ones at all? Got to get our cars sorted first(keep saying it but not doing!) but have said to Jim that I fancy popping up your way & then Keith's maybe sometime... Also Bristol, I understand that is a good meet.

Anyway take care & stay strong...

Love to you & yours

Jackie x

Thanks for the kind words Jac.

"God" - "Higher Power" - doesn't really matter what I call it. I just know that there is something much bigger than me all around me. I feel safe in that knowledge. Things happen for a reason. I am a firm believer of that. Good, bad or indifferent....that is just the way it is.

I am not that big headed to think it is all down to me. I ask for guidance a lot of the time, sit back and just let thigns happen.

A friend of mine sent me this and I as the title says, I believe life is just like that:

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born

A Death Certificate shows that we died

Pictures show that we lived!

Have a seat. Relax . . .

And read this slowly.

I Believe...

That just because two people argue,

It doesn't mean they don't love each other.

And just because they don't argue,

It doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...

That we don't have to change friends if

We understand that friends change.

I Believe....

That no matter how good a friend is,

they're going to hurt you every once in a while

and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe...

That true friendship continues to grow,

even over the longest distance.

Same goes for true love.

I Believe...

That you can do something in an instant

That will give you heartache for life.

I Believe....

That it's taking me a long time

To become the person I want to be.

I Believe...

That you should always leave loved ones with

Loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe....

That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe....

That we are responsible for what

We do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe...

That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...

That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs

to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe....

That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe....

That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down

will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...

That sometimes when I'm angry

I have the right to be angry,

But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe....

That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had

And what you've learned from them and less to do with how many

birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe....

That it isn't always enough,

to be forgiven by others.

Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...

That no matter how bad your heart is broken

the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe....

That our background and circumstances

may have influenced who we are,

But, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...

That you shouldn't be so eager to find

Out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe....

Two people can look at the exact same

Thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...

That your life can be changed in a matter of

Hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...

That even when you think you have no more to give,

When a friend cries out to you -

you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...

That credentials on the wall

do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...

That the people you care about most in life

are taken from you too soon.

I Believe...

That you should share this with

all of the people that you believe in, I just did.

The happiest of people don't necessarily

have the best of everything;

They just make the most of everything they have.

Have a good day in recovery

God Bless

YSIR

Charly/Sabine xx

Hi Charly,

What a lovely post that was. The following really struck a chord with me:

I Believe...

That sometimes when I'm angry

I have the right to be angry,

But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe...

That your life can be changed in a matter of

Hours by people who don't even know you.

The first one is important to me as I sometimes get angry due to the stresses of certain things in my recovery, and I got angry while I was gambling as I lost money. I must rememner never to take this out on my girlfriend, who sometimes has to be a bit hard on me to keep me away from the misery of gambling. I must never take my frustration out on her, and upset her in any way as she does so much to help me.

The second comment - well i think that sums up this webiste/forum. The support from people like you, Charly, I firmly believe can change our lives for the better, as we attempt to getgambling out of our lives, and make veerything around us better 🙂 Akthough you are a friend to me on here, you are a stranger to me in 'real life', but the things that you say really can change my life, and that's the honest truth.

Great post Charly - thank you.

All the best,

Alan

Charly

That post was fab - thanks so much for putting it on as I really got so much from it. There are a lot of lessons in those words and I have copied and saved it to my desktop in case I need to be reminded!

Kind wishes

Eyes X

Hi Charly,

I enjoyed reading that poem thing. You always put a lot of good ones on your diary.

Hope you are well today,

Take care,

f x