[Closed] Charly's life

Hiya Sabine,

Great post. You have come a long way and it is great to read of your acheivements. I too have thought on occasions of how I'm grateful for gambling. Although I'm not out of the woods entirely, but what lessons I have learned in my recovery process, I never would have learned if I hadn't taken the step to come here two years ago. I've read a great amount of your diary and find your thoughts incredibly helpful. Hope your having a good day today.

Best Wishes & Hugs Del x

Hi Diary

Thank you to posters and readers of my life. I am grateful!

Normal life catches up with me all the time, lol. For me it is important to take time out every day to sit back and contemplate. Where in the past I would scheme all the time, mostly on the hoof, I now make a cup of coffee, lay back in my comfy chair and just let all my thoughts freeflow.

It's such a nice feeling to let all sorts of thoughts flow through your mind without actually attaching yourself to any of them.

For half hour or so, I just let it all be. I find my inner peace and hold on to it. Almost slumbering, floating... Just perfect. It gives me so much strength for the rest of the day.

In the past it was always hectic...o*g how am I going to pay this or I have this much money but so many bills, whose bill will I pay first, what am I going to do first... rarara.... 100 miles an hour thoughts, agitating me, making me angry with myself and because I didn't know how to deal with it, very angry with everyone around. I would shout at people from my car, for no apparent reason, when, in reality, it was all the bad stuff that was going on due to my gambling or maybe due to my inability to deal with anything and hence running away to gamble, that would make me behave in a very inmature, childish way.

I very much embrace my "half hour" now.

I only shout or am grumpy these days, when there is something underlying going on in my life and I haven't had the courage to talk about it with anyone yet. As soon as I do talk about it, inner peace is restored. Bizarre, that.

When I read about people who think they are behaving as normal and "as they always have" while they are gambling, it makes me smile and makes me sad at the same time. I used to think that I was fooling everyone into thinking all is well.

I know different now. I know now, that those around me who care about me, know, when there is something not quite right, because I have been this "open book" for the last 3 1/2. And even before then, while I was gambling, with hindsight I must say that the only person I fooled was Me.

I am so very grateful for all the input made here and elsewhere. It is all designed to help me to grow. I thank you for that.

As always there are some thoughts from Hazelden below.

I wish you all a wonderful day in recovery.

God Bless

Sabine xx

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Next year I'm going to be better than I am now, but today I'm the best I can be.

It is quite possible to waste a lot of time and energy trying to make impossible changes. Many of us, inspired by the dynamics of the program and driven more by enthusiasm than prudence, strike out on missions that cannot be accomplished - missions we cannot win and should never undertake.

Turning back the clock is one of these. It can't be done. Controlling someone else's behavior is another. We can set the stage for the desired behavior, encourage it, and improve the odds by getting out of the way, but we don't have it in our bag of tricks to make people think, feel, or do any one thing.

The program addresses the art of the possible. The only options we have are the options that are available to us. If our former partners don't want to reconcile with us, that's not an available option. A happily-ever-after marriage is not possible if we haven't yet learned how to have a healthy relationship. Instead, we can focus on acquiring these people skills by building to our own possibilities.

Today, I will examine my range of available choices.

You are reading from the book:

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

Hey Diary

Am feeling very philosophical today but won't bore you with the details. I get to keep my thoughts and then decide what to share and what not to share. This is great now.... I have a choice... when I was gambling and had my head firmly in the sand, I believed I didn't have a choice...

Am going to keep this post short and sweet today. I'm in pain and tired and don't feel like typing lots.

As always there is some thoughts from Hazelden at the bottom.

Have a gamble free day

God Bless

Sabine xx

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Celebrate who you are

Today, celebrate who you are. Yes, you have much in common with other people. But you're also uniquely you.

Grab a piece of paper and something to write with. Now write down:

1. A lesson that you have learned in life.

2. A talent that you have, no matter how quirky.

3. Your favorite meal.

4. The name of a friend who respects and likes you for who you are.

5. An activity that you enjoy.

Now, pick up the phone and call your friend. Invite him or her to a celebration with you. Do the activity that you enjoy - go for a walk, go to a ballgame, sit at home and watch videos, whatever you like to do. Then prepare your favorite meal or go to a restaurant and have them prepare it. Show your friend your talent - remember this person likes and respects you for who you are. So if you can balance e a ping pong ball on the tip of your nose, go ahead and do that. Show him or her how good you are. Talk to your friend about the lessons you have learned, and invite him or her to share a lesson learned from you.

Instead of fussing and worrying about how different you are, be grateful that you're unique.

Celebrate being you.

God, thanks for me, too.

You are reading from the book:

More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

(((Sabine)))

glad you are taking it easy today if you are not feeling so great.

Hope the pain eases up a bit.

Take care,

f x

Hi Sabine.

Sorry to here you are in pain today.

Really hope you feel better soon.

If you post alot or just a bit Sabine thats ok...your posts are always worth reading no matter how long or short.

Take care.

Viggo.

sabine...many thanks for your well wishes on my diary...the west coast of scotland is beautiful for scenery my friend....dont leave it too late though otherwise the "midgiebite" season will start and that itself can be uncomfortable lol 😉

Thank you gamcarian friends for your well wishes. I humbly accept them and am very grateful.

Am still in pain and after chatting with my lil' sis last night, have been active today and have arranged for my hospital appointment to be brought forward. I will now go and see them next week Friday. This coming Monday I have to go for my bloods and then it will be decided at the end of next week what's what.

I must learn to change my thinking. Anything that feel s different I must report to my cancer nurse. I cannot think, oh it's just a twinge, it'll go away, a few days can make the difference...

Never too old to learn, as they say.

As always, below are some words of wisdom from Hazelden, God bless Ken L, who sends these out to thousands of recovering gamblers worldwide every day.

Have a gamble free day eveyone.

God Bless

Sabine xx

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Slow Down and Live

Many of us rush through our days as well as rush through our meals. Often we let ourselves get so busy that we do not enjoy what we are doing or what we are eating. We swallow life in great gulps instead of savoring it moment by moment.

Hurry and busyness are forms of self-will. Deluded by an exaggerated sense of our own importance, we deem it crucial to perform all tasks and activities according to our personal schedule. Impatient with traffic tie-ups, other people's slowness, or unavoidable delays, we make ourselves tense and miserable by our refusal to accept life as it comes.

Time spent each day in quiet meditation can give us glimpses of God's timelessness. We see that our schedule is not that important after all, when measured against eternity. As the presence of God seeps into our consciousness, we relax into the fullness and peace of each moment. Trusting our Higher Power to order our lives, we can slow down and enjoy God's gifts.

May I exchange hurry and busyness for Your peace.

You are reading from the book:

Food for Thought by Elisabeth L.

Just checking up on you Sabine.

Wishing you all the best with your appointment next week at the hospital and i hope that pain your having as of late will go away soon.

Take care and look after yourself.

Viggo

Hi my friends. Thanks Viggo for checking in and for the well wishes. Am trying not to think about it. Still in pain. Nothing I can do about it other then take my tablets. Have a good gamble free week. God Bless. Sabine xx

Forgot to add these yesterday so here are 2 lots. 🙂

God Bless

Sabine xx

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

First Things First - Order

Busy people often declare, with some exasperation, that they cannot do everything at once. People with emotional problems, a group that includes many alcoholics, often feel that they are trying to do everything at once. Quite often, this pressure means that we waste our time fretting about all the things facing us, becoming totally ineffective as a result.

The simple slogan "First things first" shows us how to set priorities in an orderly way. In every situation or problem, there is always one step we can take that is more important than the others. Following that, we find a step of second importance, another of third importance, and so on. Sometimes, a certain action comes first simply because other things depend on it.

By using "First things first" as a guiding principle in our lives, we can live in an orderly, disciplined manner. If we have work to do today, we can plan to do the most important things first. If we have to reduce our activities, we can decide which activities we ought to retain. Having made these decisions, we can be at peace about our choices. We cannot do everything at once and we need not feel guilty about it.

Knowing that order is Heaven's first law, I'll do things today in an orderly manner.

You are reading from the book:

Walk in Dry Places by Mel B.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Focusing on Solutions

If we are to learn to cope with our illness and our life, we must begin focusing on solutions, not just on our problems.

But this means we must change our attitude and outlook. We can no longer live as if there are only problems in our lives. We can no longer consider ourselves victims and hold on to the attitude that our life will never change. Nor can we continue to be consumed by self-pity. If so, we will fail to take responsibility for finding solutions. We will continue to live within what we have grown to know so well: our problems.

Do I let my problems define me today or do I seek solutions?

Thought for the Day

For every problem there is a solution.

You are reading from the book:

A Restful Mind by Mark Allen Zabawa

Hi Sabine.

Sorry again to here your in some pain.

Hope the tablets help though.

Very interesting reading that last post from you(thought from hazelden).

You stay strong Sabine and just want you to know you are in my thoughts.

Viggo.

Sorry to read that you are experiencing some pain at present Sabine,make sure you do tell the cancer nurse about every little change you notice:),.....you are a very brave and strong lady.

Seano.

*hugs*

f x

Thank you Viggo. Seano and Freda. Luvs ya.

I am still as positive as I can be. I try not to let the upcoming appointment ruin my days leading up to it.

As I live my life one day at a time, it would be a great shame to waste this day today on sad thoughts or sad actions. Don't get me wrong. Since starting recovery I cry a lot, sometimes for seemingly silly things.

For me tears are a sign of strength, not weakness. They help me wash my soul. 🙂

This morning I took my tablets to numb the aches and pains, then I did my morning school run. On returning home, I had a coffee and a sandwich, then did the bit of washing up that was there. I went upstairs and stripped the bed and put the stuff in the machine. My angel will help tonight to put clean sheets on :), can't do that by myself any more, but that's ok. It is nice to achieve things together.

I then stood by my kitchen window which overlooks the garden and watched an array of birds making use of all the various foods we have put out.

I had my binoculars and my bird book with me as I am new to this bird watching malark.

It's one of my biggest regrets not to have listened to my Grandpaw when he tried to show me all the different birds when I was young. Back then, it just didn't interest me... me thinks, he's looking down in me now and he is smiling, luv ya gramps

Today I saw 2 new birds, well, new to me, I hadn't seen them in the garden before...

How satisfying it is to see them so happy and seemingly content. The only worry they have is to get food and there is plenty to find out there for them....

I can make my life this simple and content too. I don't need all the baggage that comes with "want".. I already "have"

And for that I am grateful.

Have a good gamble free day

God Bless

Sabine xx

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The true use of speech is not so much to express our wants as to conceal them.

--Oliver Goldsmith

Learning to communicate, for little children, means squeezing huge desires into little words, like "hurt" or "cookie." We learn early that we're only going to get part of what we want.

Some of us never recover from this disappointment. We use words to manipulate others, to hide our feelings. We may imagine that we have the power to control others, and so we tell ingenious stories to mask what we think is our naked strength.

But we're deluding ourselves, rather than other people. The strategy of falsehood and control finally traps us in a web of lies, where even we don't know what we want. Clarity is a choice, and so is happiness, if we want to choose them.

Asking for something is risky: I might be refused. But if I don't even ask, I'll never hear "yes."

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg