[Closed] Charly's life

since i stopped gambling it amazes me the natural beauties that nature can bring...how cheap and peaceful and relaxing just watching simple things like birds in the garden....sorry to read of your constant battle but ive said countless times now how much your diary means to me x 😉

Hi Sabine.

Thanks for your post on my diary.Much appriciated!

What a lovely post,that last one of yours.And so true it is.

As for shedding tears,i have shed a fair few over the last year.

And yet again so true what you wrote "For me tears are a sign of strength, not weakness".

Sabine you are so brave,loving,and thoughtfull.You have battled on no matter what and wp is so so right...your diary means so much to many on here!

Like you say just looking at birds feeding in your garden,seems so peaceful........problem was before when i gambled i never noticed life around me.

I say this sometimes on my diary that when i was gambling i had my eyes closed.Now since i've stopped they are open again.

Take care my friend and hope that pain go's away soon!

Big camecare hug to you from me!

Viggo.

Hi Diary

Thanks Viggo and wp for your posts and thank you to all who read my humble thoughts.

I received a packet from the USA today. It was from my niece, who is doing a year's work as an AuPair in Ohio. She celebrated her 20th birthday last Sunday and I am sure she misses her family in Germany just as much as her family miss her.

Anyhow; in ths parcel amongst other photos, was a little picture frame, one to hang up on the Xmas tree. In it she put a photo of her and the children she is looking after alongside Mickey Mouse, as she was fortunate enough to have been taken to Disney World by her host family at the beginning of December.

There was also a letter with the picture to explain why this Xmas present has taken a bit longer to arrive. Le'ts just say, my niece suffers with "senior moments" already at times, lol

The reason I am writing about this however is a) I feel blessed to have a young niece, who thinks enough of her Aunt to send her a Xmas present for which I feel very blessed and b) the words she used in her letter to tell me that I mean a lot to her, always have always will, and that she will be there for me whenever I need her to be there for me. At that point, this ole' girl cried. She also wrote that I give her strength to carry on when things don't go as she would like them to go and that makes me feel very humble.

I keep saying how blessed I am to have all these wonderful people in my life. I believe if we all take a good look at ourselves and the people around us, we can all find someone to whom we are special and mean a lot to.

It has taken me a long while to see this and I wanted to share it with you as you travel along your own paths.

A very grateful

Sabine

God Bless

Today's thoughts from Hazelden are:

Accepting Every Task

Dear God,

Help me find the strength to be effective and accept responsibility. I am asking you for the strength I need each day. You have proven in countless lives that for every day I live, You will give me that necessary power.

I must face every challenge that comes to me during the day sure that You will give me the strength to face it. I pray that I may accept every task as a challenge. I know I cannot wholly fail if You are with me.

Adapted from Twenty-Four Hours a Day, September 29

You are reading from the book:

The 12 Step Prayer Book Volume 2 by Bill P. and Lisa D.

Aw Sabine thats lovely 🙂

Thank you for the kind words on my diary Sabine,i hope your pain is manageable today:),lovely for you to be such a special person to your niece,....things like that are what life is really all about.

Seano.

Morning Sabine.....

Hope you are ok today....sunny here but chilly.

I enjoyed your last post about your niece....I have a little "great niece" and her Ma sent me a thank you for her Christmas pressie...she wrote it herself...nothing nicer than a 5 year old's spider writing. You always get me thinking about nice stuff :-))

Love from us xx

...A little note from a young member of the family.

...A great big fat payout from some gambling place or other which will soon be put back.

Which would you have rather had?

I think that you know the answer to that one!

Have a great gamble-free weekend.

GT

Not really rocket science is it GT. And yet, strangely enough, we only see it after we stopped gambling and we finally take our heads out of our back sides. Had I still been gambling, my niece's letter wouldn't have meant that much to me. I am very grateful. As for my hospital appointment yesterday. Nothing was said that I didn't expect. The tablets didn't put the brakes on the cancer. The levels have gone up again. They are now 288.7. Am waiting for a date with the scanner, either next week or the week after. Then back to hospital on the 18th Feb for results and to find out what chemo I will be having this time and then it's round three of chemo therapy. I pray: God, let this be the final time, please kill the cancer off for good. This girl is getting just that little bit tired and wary now and I was told that you only put on my shoulders what I can carry. Do you think you could stop now as I am reaching my limits now. Thank you. Amen. God Bless Sabine. x

Sorry to hear about you disappointing news.

But you are a much stronger person inside now that you don't have that other 'evil' inside you.

I wish you all the very best with your next few appointments.

Be very strong, you have already beaten one major challenge in your life, you can beat the other one!

Getting There

x

Hi Diary. Have I beaten it? I doubt it. When I think along the lines of... What if the doctors say, this is it, next time... All sorts of thoughts enter my mind, including the little gambling devil, who is still there faintly lurking in the depth of my mind, rising his head, saying... well if it is terminal you may as well go and have a bit of fun and gamble while you still can. I don't delude myself by thinking I am cured or I have beaten this gambling addiction. I have the tools now to put it firmly in it's place. I can find much more important stuff now to spend my money on. I think the strong compulsion and the super strong urges aren't there any more. It's a bit like giving up smoking for me. When I first stopped that, I had huge urges to have just that 1 f*g. Taking it one day at a time, the urges became less and less. I know it's still there in the background, as I could light up just like that. But because it's been so long now and the urge is just a very dull one, I have enough tools now to say no.

I think the difference between then and now is, that I learned I have a choice. I always had a choice but my mind was clouded by addiction and I didn't realise. My desire to not gamble and to not smoke are bigger then my desire to do these things. And once I had learned that and changed my way of thinking, the fear of breaking out and doing things differently, disappeared. Fear of change, however small or big, could make me do things I didn't really want, but felt I had no choice to do. Learning to face my fears has helped me to get better and I no longer feel the need to run of and gamble when I want to forget or run off and smoke when I feel overwhelmed by something. Hope this helps someone out there. Just writing it down, helps me God Bless. Sabine. xx

I'm so sorry you still have this fight on your hands Sabine. Someone up there is really putting you through your paces.

It must really put gambling into perspective, and make it seem like an obscene waste of time and energy. I guess you will be dealing with your health concerns the only way anyone can, a day at a time.

Don't take any s**t from those doctors you hear?

lots of love and hugs,

f x

Hi Sabine.

Can only agree with what freda says.

Really sorry to here you have this battle to fight.Life can really suck at times.

When i read your diary and see what you have accomplished and the way you face everything that is thrown at you head on...you give me and many on here so much hope.Its not fair that you have to fight this battle and who ever up there is giving you a hard time...i hope they stop now!

You take care of yourself Sabine and wishing you all the very best.

Big cyber hug sent your way.

Viggo.

Thanks Freda and Viggo. Bless you

I went to a G.A. celebration last night. One 3 year birthday ad one 1 year birthday. I was chuffed for both of them as it had been a real struggle for them at times.

When we finished the meeting and started the celebration part, I went out to my car to get something out and put something else in. When I shut the sliding door(I have an 8 seater Toyota Previa) I forgot to take my left index finger out of the way of the slamming door. What a numpty, Doh! Yup, that was then end of the celebrations for me. Angel drove me to A&E as my finger was split open on the top and underneath, bleeding nicely.

They x-rayed it and on top of splitting it I also fractured the middle bone just below where it joins the top bone. We got to bed at 1.30 this morning and I wasn't sure if I could drive or strap the wheelchair in , but with the help of my lovely escort, we managed to get the children to school safe.

Shame though that I missed out on the celebration part of our meeting. The birthday persons had pizza delivered too and I love pizza, lol. Never mind. As they say you're never too old to learn and boy have I learned. I will defo make sure I keep my fingers out of the way in future.

I had a wondeful weekend with my angel and my children. My daughter came down from Nottingham with her friend, stayed at her Dad's but they came round for late lunch on Saturday and my son came too. It was really nice.

Below, as always, find some wisdom from Hazelden.

Have a gamble free week

God Bless

Sabine xx

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

We pray for "courage to change the things we can.'' Change requires giving up familiar old ways to try something new. Even though the old ways brought us pain, they were known. Changing them for new ones feels risky; it could lead to pleasure . . . or to even more pain.

But if we don't try, we'll never know whether we can handle a new job, go back to school, work out a new relationship, or breathe new life into an old one. To try something new, we have to be willing to take risks and be vulnerable. We have to accept the responsibility and the consequences if our venture does not proceed as we had hoped it would.

Perhaps our addiction was a way of avoiding risk. Rather than take the chance of failing at something we wanted to do or being rejected by someone to whom we offered our friendship, we focused on our addiction. Are we ready, now, to take risks for something we really want?

Today, I can take a small risk in the interest of enriching my life.

You are reading from the book:

Inner Harvest by Elisabeth L.

reading your diary ALWAYS puts me firmly in my place sabine...thinking of you x