[Closed] Charly's life

As always, my heartfelt thanks to those of you who post on my diary or/and read my ramblings. We are back home from one of the most tiring and most emotional weeks in my life. The whole week seemed to be shocking. I'll go into more detail when I have access to a computer, as my mobile won't let me write lengthy texts. Today I shall do the Race for Life to raise funds for Cancer Research UK. Tonight I shall in to my G.A meeting and offload the whole range of emotional turmoil I brought back from Germany. I thank God for my angel who has kept of grounded and has helped of to no end with his humble wisdom. Oh, how much I love him and how grateful I am to have him by my side. I will write more soon. Have a gamble free day. God Bless. xx

Hi my friends. I'm very tired and don't really feel like writing but I must offload. Today, my Dad's ashes are being put to rest and I chose not to be there because flights or trains, booked at short notice, are too expensive. It seems strange to say that, seeing that I had no problem putting hundreds of pounds into fruit machines when I was gambling, not caring that bills didn't get paid. But there is the difference. Now I do care. With me not working due to my cancer, there is an income missing. Bills need paying for we need a place to live and food. £400 was just too much. I shall sit here, light a candle and be there in spirit. Later tonight my angel and I are driving to Rotherham to bury a friend of 30 years. He died last weekend and the service is tomorrow. An uncle of my angel also passed away and we have another funeral to attend Tuesday. God willing, we will get a break and time to heal after Tuesday. I pray for strength for I'm tired. God Bless. xx

Hi Sabine.

Just got back from a funeral myself.My Grandmother.I missed out on a few other funerals like you because of money.Its not easy.

Even though your not there to see your dads ashes put to rest Sabine, you are there in soul and spirit.I know how you feel.

I'm glad i came on just to check up on the diaries as i am on holidays now so won't be posting for a few weeks.Your in my thoughts and as ever wishing you all the very best my friend.

Viggo.

Hey Sabine,

So sorry that you have all of this sadness and grief in your life right now. Feeling grief means that you have loved, and been loved though. Natures way of reminding you that you have been blessed with some amazing people in your life.

I hope there are some lighter moments ahead for you soon, you are a star, and need to twinkle 🙂

Love,

f x

Hi Diary

Long time no see.

A lot has happened since I last wrote on here.

My health is deteriorating rapidly and I feel so very sick. They changed my tablets to Zomorph and Oramorph, which, thus far aren't working. I called GP Thursday and they upped the dosage of the zomorph - nope still not working, called emergency doctors today and was told I could also take paracetamol and diclofenec with the morphin. Nice, that your GP let's you suffer for nothing. Since Wednesday(change of meds) I've not been able to eat much without bringing it back up. I have lost almost 1 stone in weight which under normal circumstances would be great. Not so good when you're constantly in pain. Even when I had chemo, I never felt like this. Things are going downhill faster then anyone expected.

We all have to get used to the fact that I will not get better. McMillan nurses will start coming from Monday. I am trying to carry on being positive because one never knows. There may be a cure just round the corner. And still, I feel no need to go and gamble. I feel very much the opposite now. All monies I now have, I much rather leave behind for my family than give to some fatcats at a casino.

Please, all of you who are dealing with addiction. You can arrest it, if you really want to. I did, and I have stayed stopped, despite all that life has thrown at me. If I can do it, so can you. Have faith in yourselves and your abilities. I believe in You. Now go and believe in You too.

God Bless

Sabine

thinking of you, and wishing you peace

love

rusty

xx

(((((((((((((( Sabine ))))))))))))))) . We never met but I hold you as a very dear friend . Your courage and help to others shows all the love that is inside you . You are one of the few that are truely special . My thoughts and prayers are with you all . May God bless you .

Graham xx

Now we have never talked but I just have to say your last post, was bravest most caring post I have ever read on here, it realy made me feel humble.

To think of what you are going through and yet came on here to encourage us all.

Thank you so very much

bless you

Mike

Hi Sabine.. I just wanting to echo the thoughts of others. I too am humbled by your courage. Bless you.. S.A

Hi Diary, hi gamcare friends.

thank you for your kind words.

The McMillan nurse came around yesterday for the first time, you know, to introduce herself, tell me a bit of what they do and give me another contact, should I need to talk. Her priority was to make sure my meds were so, that I'm completely without pain. This was finally achieved. I had a good night's sleep and woke up, ready to take my meds, but without pain. I thought..this is marvellous, I can start doing things again.

Someone had other ideas.

The upstairs of our house is a bit weird. At the top of the stairs you reach the landing, but then have one more step to go along to the bathroom. I had just put some washing away and, coming out of the bathroom, missed the step down. Don't ask me how, I have no idea, I guess my ankle just gave way(same one I twisted at the beginning of may)

After the initial excrutiating pain, things eased a bit. I went downstairs(on my backside,lol) hobbled in the kitchen, got some icepacks, hobbled back upstairs(b**t again,lol) got myself onto my bed, put an icepack on my ankle, elevated it and thought, that'll be it. Wrong!

It ballooned up.

Because I'm under so many strong painkillers, I thought I call the emergency services and check what I should do. Within half an hour an ambulance was there, took me to hospital for x-rays and now I am wearing a nice aircast. I broke one of the bones in my ankle. Doh!

That puts a stop to me doing anything for a while. Am not allowed to put any pressure on it so i've been given crutches to hop along with. Never mind, I guess it takes the mind of my cancer.

My daughter has come down for the week to spend some time with me and I'm very grateful that she is here now.

I feel a right numpty and it's very frustrating. I can't even just go and make a drink. Going to the bathroom is an adventure as I have to manouvre 1 step down then 1 step up to get there and the same to get back to my bedroom.

Someone said to me, maybe it's God's way to tell me I really need to rest.

He knows I'm not one for sitting around if I don't have to. Well, now I have to.

It'll give me time to to read up on some diaries when my daughter goes home and it'll give me the chance to finish off my folder. The one with instructions for my loved ones. It doesn't need much more sorting.

Well my friends. I better get that leg of mine elevated before my children tell me off.

You all take care. God Bless

Sabine

Sabine,

you poor thing! you couldn't make this stuff up if you tried! :-/

I like the idea that its Gods way of saying, will you blummin rest woman! makes me smile.

Am so glad that you got the pain medication sorted, everything seems more manageable if you are able to get a decent sleep. Maybe you could meditate a little if you like doing that? another great way to forget things for a while, and find some peace.

You know, your family probably like having the opportunity to help and care for you. Of course they would never want you to break your ankle in the first place, but sometimes its nice to have the opportunity to care for and show our love to someone. I know how independent you always are, so let them enjoy this gift of loving and caring for you, as you have done for them 🙂

Sometimes I find it hard to let other people help me, because I want them to get on with enjoying their own lives, but it is a kind thing to let others help you. It makes people feel good, and brings them joy to give.

Wishing you another peaceful nights sleep,

f x

sabine. You know my thoughts of you. One brave inspirational courageous helpful woman always lookin out for others. You Dont deserve to be floored at present 🙁 x

Just wanted to post to let anyone reading, know about your fantastic achievement - I just looked at your sponsorship page for cancer research!

SABINE AND HER FRIENDS HAVE RAISED £1470!!!!!

That is fantastic, well done 🙂

f x

Ah Sabine,

I haven't been around so much lately,probably because gambling thoughts are a million miles away 🙂

Your diary is always one I look for when I do log in and as ever your posts are honest and moving.It seems so very long ago we first spoke on here and now our perspectives have changed beyond belief.

The one thing is that I cannot help feeling you don't deserve the amount of cr** thats been coming your way,I truly admire your coping skills lol.

I am sending you gentle hugs and wishing you lots of time with your angel, its what you both deserve.

Its a good job the sense of humour's still working what with throwing yourself down the stairs and all.

love to you both

W xxxx

Hi Sabine.

Talk about everything getting thrown at you.

Really sorry to her you broke a bone in your leg and i hope it mends soon so you can move around a bit(but like you say maybe you should be resting).Sabine i really mean this when i say it.You are a star on here and your diary should be a must read for all.With all thats going on in your life at the moment you still have time for others and are so thoughtful and considering when you write your posts.

Anyway i really hope your not in any pain and just want you to know that your in my thoughts.Love to you and your family.

Your friend.

Viggo.