I'm been quite active posting on peoples threads but not sharing so much of my story on here. Thanks to Duncanmac for bringing this to my attention.
Gambling has been a problem for my entire adult life. It started as a bit of fun with my cousins around the age 14 we would play snooker or board games for a bit of money to make it interesting and then when we went on family holidays I was playing on the £5 jackpot machines.
When i reached the age of 16 I was earning my own money and attending college this was also the age where I found I could get in the bookies without them asking me for ID. I was betting frequently on football and the FOBT's but I don't recall it being a problem at this age.
When i was about 20 is when I realised that gambling was a problem for me I was spending more than I could afford and constantly being broke after days of being paid. I was mainly betting on horse racing football and the slots.
23 maybe 24 when I first got myself in debt due to gambling. I was still betting on the same things but I found blackjack and quickly became obsessed. Blackjack had become my go to thing to gamble on.
I knew I'd have to take a break from gambling because I wanted to buy a house with my girlfriend. I managed to quit for a year but as a gift to myself I thought having a football bet to celebrate was a good idea. After taking a year away from gambling I thought I could somehow magically control how much time and money I spent gambling.
It was always going to end one way with me in a huge amount of debt and back to my old ways but on a larger scale. This is exactly what happened. I was betting on everything both online and in bookies in every moment I could spare. I spent every penny I could get my hands on in the space of 3 to 4 months and get myself in debt that'll take years to pay back.
I knew I had to stop and come clean to my family which Is what I done. The hardest thing I've had to do but it also works in my favour I keep that day in my mind whenever gambling becomes a thought. I don't ever want to have the same conversation with them about this again, I use this as my drive.
I handed over my control of finances and started attending 1-2-1 counselling and rebuilding the relationships I'd damaged.
Which brings me to today 21 months gamble free. The people around me helped by having someone for me to turn to, counselling helped me realise things will probably be crappy for a while and how to find something to replace gambling with and not having control of my money helped me work towards getting my indepence back but also proving to people around me I can get better.
Conradnose
Conrad
Great to see you sharing your story fella, I hope that it gave you the therapy it warrants, keep contributing, it is us the authors of the forum that keep the cycle of recovery alive because without the authors there wouldn't be the vast amount of hope and support that is here.
Keep up the good work.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.
So the other day i done something the old me would never have done.
I'm been follow rugby the last couple of years and finally decided at the end of last season I'd find a team and play. There's a few people I work with that play but they don't play locally to where I live. So I found a team locally went and watched them play and got speaking with the coach long story short I have trained with a few times now.
It's not gambling related but the moral of the story is i often tell people about asking themselves the question ' what would the person you want to be do' and this is a question I asked myself when plucking up the courage to reach out to my local team about playing.
It doesn't seem like much but I'm not great meeting new people and I can feel awkward in new social circles. I had fears of embarrassing myself because I have never played before.
but the person I want to be is ok with meeting new people and doesn't feel awkward in social circles, so I had to get out of my comfort zone.
Now I wish I had started playing earlier!
Conradnose
You say it doesn't sound like much but I think that is a great achievement especially as it sounds like you are quite shy. I've always had to force myself to do things like speak in front of an audience (terrifying) and have only a small circle of friends.
I think what you've done re: the rugby is great!
Thanks Phil, I always appreciate your wise words.
Good on you conradnose. I also get anxious meeting new people or in certain social situations, so I can appreciate how hard it is to take a step like that sometimes. We just have to remind ourselves that these irrational fears we have are just that: completely irrational! Good luck to you.
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