Corsa

Well despite feeling great all day with no thoughts of gambling, being proud of my progress and chuffed at getting a mention on mr bs 2014 challenge, this afternoon I had a bit of a wobble. Frightening how quickly your mind set can convince yourself it's ok . Fought the urge and did not gamble but got a bit of a scare. Back in the game on day 11 and sooo pleased I didn't give in phew! They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, well I am not feeling stronger a bit scared of my vulnerability, but conscious of what is important in life ? Not gonna be selfish anymore I will fight this .... Off to you urges! X

Well done for getting through a tricky day. Stay strong and I like your incentive. I'd love a new car but too much money going into paying debts right now.

Keep it up and stay strong.

Simon

Thanks simon. I appreciate it. I read a post about urges which basically says if you get the urge to gamble you should give the moment of the urge a little time as the feeling will pass. How often have we all felt like gambling and been completely focused on getting to the establishment getting cash from the hole in the wall and to start feeding our habit as quickly as possible ? I am now trying to put as many barriers in place so that to even be able ,to do this I have to transfer funds, go to where I have stashed my cash card and I try to give the urge a little time. To be honest I just need to look at my overdraft to realise I cannot respond to the urge .

Also in relation to the car, well I need one for work and the debt I am in paying for the car is a drop in the ocean compared to the rest of my debt.

Day 13 no gambling x

Day 15 and now days off. Again dangerous times for me but focused. Feel stupid for all the mistakes I have made but I know gambling is the cause of so much regret and will not be the cure

Well it's stupid o clock in the morning and I can't sleep. Have been awake thinking about my debts and how I am managing to hide them all and continue to act normally at home. My biggest fear is that I become ill and hubby starts to open the mail with my name and realises the debt I am in.

Have decided to try to live a healthier lifestyle so that I can keep working and that I stick around long enough to get rid of the debts, it's gonna take a while so today is day one in terms of healthy.

Today I will start do something which is healthy whether it is just eating sensibly or going for an extra long walk with the dog. I might even do both!

One thing I do know is that I won't gamble!

Not written for a while but still focused.