CROUPIER - 13 months GF, read my new post on all of the improvements in life since abstaining from gambling

Last bet 07-12-13

Good morning/afternoon/evening all. Like all compulsive gamblers, nights often become mornings and afternoons often become the time we end up tucking ourselves into bed, usually with a hint of remorse and often wishing that when we wake up it was all just a bad dream.

I have been gambling for 7 years and after numerous mornings of waking up this way, even though somehow it felt 'normal' it was always harder to drag myself out of bed than the previous occasion.

I am a typical binge gambler and I joined this site around 2 years ago, as a result of a big loss and in seek of some help. As like any binge gambler I dont feel the need to constantly have a bet, instead I start with a small bet and unless I win, I feel the urge to chase my money over the next few hours/days until the inevitable happens and eventually lose everything I have... including money for rent, food and even travelling costs to get to work. This was a common occurance on payday or just after.
This didnt happen every payday, but when it did my partner at the time always bailed me out. Over 5 years we had many good holidays and good times together, but this was usually funded by herself or money I had attained through gambling. Having lied one too many times and covering up the extent of my problem devestatingly for me we broke up last year and I moved out. I thought I could conquer this problem by myself, but boy was I wrong! I was now a compulsive gambler without a conscience...

So.... Im sure you all know what is coming next....
Yes 2013 was disastrous for me, gambling on almost every payday, losing all of my money and with nobody to bail me out I turned to payday loans. At my Lowest point I had 10 payday loans, whilst still owing over 5000 to various family members.
My story has a bit of a twist too. For the last 10 years I have worked in the gambling industry. You would think I know better... For me there is no escape, as I earn a good wage and need my job. I also enjoy my job most of the time, but would look to get out of the industry fairly soon.

My gambling over the years has ranged from, casino's, FOBT's, sports betting, online poker and various other things,such as scratchcards. However FOBT's and Roulette in Casino's are my big downfall.
I knew I needed help and having already tried one on one counselling through this site however reluctant I was, I attended my first GA meeting.
The one to one meeting I found through this site didnt work for me, It was alot of talking about myself to someone who had never placed a single bet in his life. After the second meeting I stopped going.

However GA was comlpletely different... Unfortunately for me, my first meeting was an open meeting. I didnt get much of an insight to what GA was, as this was an evening dedicated to those who had been off gambling for a period of time. It was still nice to listen to other peoples stories though. Knowing I was not alone with my problem, I decided to go the following week and met ordinary people with one similarity to me. They were all compulsive gamblers...
After my second meeting I did have a slip. Maybe I thought I was cured? I now understand that for us compulsive gamblers there is no cure... However we can arrest our problem and control it.
Since that one slip I have attended GA every week and have seen many new faces come and go and found somewhere every week I can go to talk about issues I have if they arise. I now look forward to going, as I now know these people on a more personal level and can also talk about everyday things, not just gambling.
I would urge anyone to give GA a chance, as for me I am now mentally, emotionally and financially in a much better place. Gambling now does not constantly occupy my mind and I can concentrate on much more important things.

I read these forums almost everyday, but now I feel that I could contribute occasionally and give advice to others if I can.

Last bet was 7th Dec 2013. Feeling strong, motivated and looking forward to the future ... and my next meeting 🙂

I hope this thread will encourage others and on that note I wish you all a good morning/afternoon/evening.

Scambling

Heres a quick update of a post that I make on page 3, however please feel free to read my diary from the start to find out how I got here.

Day 415

As promised I have compiled a list of all the improvements to my life since abstaining from gambling. I am still fairly early into my recovery having stopped for almost 14 months, however given the extent of my gambling I feel I have come a long way.

This is my list and of course every individual that stops gambling will see different improvements, but hopefully some of the things on here will help you with your own recovery just knowing that it is possible.

This list is in no particular order as this way I can continue to add to it.

-Financially: This is probably the most obvious, however very hard to see as an improvement. For the first 3-4 months I had no more money in my pocket than when I was gambling. Still the same story where the last week before payday I was absolutely skint. This is because I had several payday lenders hassling me for money, as well as several other people. I worked out the best way financially to pay off my debts and of course started with the payday loans. A couple of them when I phoned and explained my gambling problem agreed to freeze the interest and break the payment down equally over 4 months. This saved me a few hundred pounds in the long run and the best thing is that after admitting my gambling problem they refused to lend to me again. The first 3 months were the hardest, as any money I had went towards paying something off. I never had anymore money in my pocket and it didn't feel as though things were any different financially since abstaining from gambling. Another thing I did was create a budget plan over the course of 12 months. I knew exactly where my money was going and how much I had spare for lets say going out for a beer now and again. Possibly the most important feature of being able to stay in control at the early stages was that I cut my bank card in half and gave it someone I trust to hide. This meant that I had to always go into the bank to withdraw my weekly 'allowance' and I could still manage my bank online without the temptation of falling into online gambling, as I had no idea what the long numbers were on the card. The card was still fairly new too and I had not registered in on any website. If this is something that may work for you then it may be a good idea to order a new card first and then pass it on to someone you trust before looking the the card number or registering it anywhere.

-Relationship: Without going into much personal detail, I am happy to say that after a long time me and my partners relationship is just about as good as it could get thanks to stopping gambling. This is something that takes time and something that cant be rushed. If this is something your struggling with then just stick with it. Be honest about how you feel and talk about your problem.

-No Stress: Gone are the days of ups and downs and all that is on your mind is 'how to win your money back.' Blowing your wages, visiting payday lenders, blowing that and then lying to conceal the extent of what you've done until after 6 months of repeating the above, it all comes to a head and you breakdown. Too many times I went through that... Now theres no more sleepless nights, no more lies, no more stories and no more ups and downs. This is the one benefit I felt almost immediately and spurred me on in the early days to keep going. The weight lifted off your shoulders is a great feeling.

-Time: Without gambling, I have lots more time to
do with as I please. At first I had to find things to do in order to fill my spare time, which was queit difficult and I felt bored some of the time. A year on and I have much to do with my time and struggle to fit everything in. Gambling just cant fit into my life anymore.

-Better quality of life: This again took time and took several months to see/feel it. As my debts were slowly paid off I had the odd spare bit of money in my pocket to 'treat' myself from time to time. Even going to a pub for the odd beer feels great because I know I can afford it. Many things fall under this section from being able to move house to being able to support myself or just going out every other week. I am happy and my partner is happy and thats all that matters and all this has been achieved because we were able to lead a better quality of life.

-Family and friends: This is still a work in progress as they still dont understand the means of what I did and where I have got to today, but I know that given more time that this will also improve and I look forward to it.

-Seeing a future: After many years of just plodding along, we are able to plan our future and it feels great working together towards the bigger picture. There are many things to look forward to and this motivates me so much that I feel I will never fall back into the old routine of gambling.

I'm sure there much more that I could add and I will add them as I think of them. Hopefully by reading some of the above points this will motivate some lf you who have recently stopped and struggling with the past that there is light at the end of the tunnel no matter how hard things may be right now.

Thats all for today 🙂

Scambling