Day 0 First time I have got help in 10 years

Hi I'm new here too. Just spoken to gamcare on netline. Just beginning to admit how real a problem I have. Today is a new day Gavinb...the start of the rest of your life, mine too...a lot of what tomorrow brings is in our control.

Hi rhoda. Hope you are well. Gamcare started the thought process of me taken responsibility for what I am doing. I've been saying for years I will get better by myself. I have been totally addicted to horse racing and football betting. Any large money I have ever had from loans or work has all gone on gambling. This is the first time I seeked help. And just reading on this forum has made me feel like I am not alone. I'm not going crazy. We are all having the same faults and doing the same things. I always think I know what I an doing when I have money and start gambling. Once it is all gone I think... I have a real problem... the next bit of money comes along and I am back doing the same thing. I really need to stop I am not even living.

Hope we can get better. We need to stay strong together

Hi Gavinb

You're certainly not alone mate. I'm on day 26 of being free from gambling, am in huge debts and yet to come clean to family and the people that matter the most.

Betting on football has basically ruined my life. For some bizarre reason I seem to think I am some sort of expert and spent hour upon hour studying form. Had some good days, had some bad days. However it was the days after the bad days that were the real killer. Chasing losses with bigger and bigger stakes and placing bets on games I knew nothing about in a panic to win money back.

I guess if I wasn't an addict I would never have got into that position.

for some reason a switch flicked in my head and I have realised that this behaviour has to stop. You can do it too mate. We don't need gambling in our lives.

Thank you for sharing proudarab. I have done exactly as you explained over and over. This issue is much deeper then financial gain because I have probably only ever spent 1% out of any money I have won on normal things. The other 99% is spent on more gambling. We like to think because we have done it for so long we know more. It's all bulls*it. We need the constant strength in our life's to resist this rubbish. I know how hard this is going to be but I will give this my all now. Congratulations on getting to 26 days. Pat yourself on the back mate. I hope I can get there too. There is so much more to life then this s**t.

I took a 15000 loan out. I was gambling. Thinking I was doing well. I tool my partner and 4 children to lego land. Just walking round the park I desperately used my partners last bit of battery to gamble. I spent ВЈ1000 just walking around. Imagine trying to enjoy the rest of the day knowing how much I had just lost. ВЈ15000 actually costs ВЈ25000 over 5 years. I have ВЈ0.00 left from that £15000. How can we live with ourselfs? I might never have that money again. But if I never do anything like that again I will be a better person for it. Betting takes over me . I'm 20% myself. 80% gambler. I'm sick of it having a constant grip on me. It is glamorised c**P. No good for me. Time to get me back 100%

It might of even been £2000

£500 bets at a time

Then you go back the next day. Try to win it back buy doing big amounts. Game over. You loose everything

Hi mate,

Yeah I know exactly what yourse saying. I have huge debts, the amounts are irrelevant but I'll be sorting out debt repayment plan after Christmas.

I was in 30k on credit card debts 4 years ago before coming clean to my wife, and she helped sort it out. The big problem was that we both put it down to me being an idiot rather than admitting I had a problem. Of course I said it would never happen again and when I come clean this time there's a good chance I'm going to lose her and I'll no longer see my kids every day. All because I didn't put the proper blocks in place and get professional help.

I thought a year later that I was fine and could have a little gamble in total control of what I was doing. I thought that after losing so much first time I would win this time as I didn't have the pressure of chasing. 6 months later and my life was beginning to spiral out of control again. It was always online and using credit cards. I've hardly been in a betting shop in my life. If I had I doubt I would have lost as much as I have. The fact you never have the money in your hands makes it all just numbers on a screen, very easy to lose control and tell yourself that everything will be fine. Of course it won't.

Anyhow, I'm planning on coming clean after Christmas to try not to spoil the kids Christmas. I may lose my wife, I can't control that now. What I can do though is never gamble again and prove to her that I can change.

Have you put blocks in place? Self excluded, blocks on phone, someone looking after your finances?

I feel for you proudarab. The thing is we don't do it with bad intentions. We have unfortunately been brain washed to think it "COULD" be a good thing if we gamble in the right way. Look at us all on here deep in the s**t.

I lost my first two children mainly due to gambling. They live with their mum. I have done my best to be in their lives as much as I can. Call them everyday. Have them as much as I can. But until I stop I am just a bluddy bullshi*ter.

I understand how much strain keeping everything in causes. You feel although you literally have the weight of the world on your shoulders.

I would not blame my partner for not loving me when I am doing what I am doing.

Waking up like a zombie. Spending all our money. It is these people in our life that get hurt. And we don't even see it coming.

We will never be the people we really are while this s**t is infecting us.

The moment i go back. The moment I am letting this infection kill me.

I will look at this diary everyday now and hope I can learn everyday.

I have tried previously putting every block I can on.

I will do this again now. But I feel although gamcare has taken me on board and is someone I can talk to because no one in my life can offer the support I need.

Try seeking financial help to relieve the pressure from your wife.

Get yourself clean of gambling.

See how it works out. Stay strong mate

Day 1. Already had the thought cross my mind of what I could sell to get some money. I have nothing anyway. Only my little girls computer which I could never touch. I had £160 cash in my hand yesterday. That went in about 1 hour at the bookies yesterday. Feel regret. Had a call to arrange counceller + called citizens advice to try and manage my debts. I cannot waver this time need to stay focused.

Day 1 almost over. Bluddy long way to go but so far so good. Few thoughts here and there but I have gamcare strong in my thoughts now