Well here we go...
Its been just short of 3 hours since i blew £2000 on a bookies roulette machine, my entire wages for the month!!
Ive been gambling since I was 15 and it has ruled my life for the past 10 years! Its crawled underneath my skin and disrupted my life without me even noticing.
I've run up debts I can't even put a figure to. Ive borrowed of Ex GF'S left right and centre.
Borrowed off my parents too... thousands!
Ive just sorted my life out, new job, new car(part paid for by my parents, at 25 years old this is a joke) and i live in a plush pad with a mate with rent WELL over due!!
This is a predicament I know i can pull myself out of. I didnt gamble for 9months last year then fell into a lapse after a day out with the lads at the horses...
I've known ive been addicted to gambling for years and simply brushed it under the rug like I do everything else...
You could be the wisest, most intelligent person in the world but once the gambling addiction sticks its claws in your a goner...UNLESS you can fight back.
The problem is this, I talk a good game, i know a good game but when it comes down to the crunch I cave in. I was so proud of myself when I gave up gambling, it was the one thing in my life I couldnt control and I thought id mastered it.... How wrong I was, But now on this very day September 28th 2007 @ 4pm in the afternoon aged 25 years I'm guna stop. I'm bigger than this addiction!
I have never ever felt suicidal like some other posts and this is not down to, maybe I've not hit rock bottom like some others have... Its down to the fact I love life... Its a great gift, but i'm ruining my own life because of stupid wrong moves!!
I have a chance to make something of my life! One day I will settle down and start a family and I'm glad in a way this addiction has hit me now rather than later in my life!
I was in the bookies this afternoon piling ВЈВЈВЈВЈ into this roulette machine whilst this 45yr old guy stood next to me cursing the machine I was on, stating how he'd put over £8000 into these last few weeks. Its obvious he couldn't afford it just like i cant! His wife has left him, hes no doubt in herrendous debt like me but I have a chance to fix it!!
I will be posting on here every Friday afternoon about how my developments are coming along, to help others but selfishly for my own benefit..
This has spiralled out of control for far too many years. I have som much potential in my life and this horrible disease is holding me back, even as I write this my job is being affected from spending time elsewhere, but short term loss, long term gain!
(Big long Breathe) -to self- Come on Ryan you can do this!
Just read over my post and the part about the 45yr old guy was very conderscending (awful spelling i know)... what I meant to say was i have a chance to fix it alot earlier in my life so it doesnt spirall to affecting others, not that the 45yr guys a goner because hes gambled excessively at 45!!
Just to clear that up 😉
Hi Ryan! I'm glad to see you started a diary. It is really helpful to put your thoughts down in writing. You sound like a very intelligent guy with a good head on your shoulders, so I know that you can do this!
You are absolutely right that gambling takes over and ruins what could otherwise be a great life. Like Lisa said on her diary, It steals our time, it steals our money, and most importantly, it steals our self-respect.
Way to go on taking this first step, and if you ever feel weak or need some support, we'll all be here to give you a hand.
Love, Anna
Hi Ryan
So glad yo have posted and such and hinest start - Way 2 go -
You can see already what it can do to you and you don`t want that in your life who would..
It wasn`t condesending about the 45yr bloke at all I often thought that myself I am 36 and the roulette machines in the bookies finally brought me to my knees..Its not worth it, they take up our time and energy. And like you said one day you want to start a family..Soo Today Sept 28th Is a start of your new life..You can really make a difference.
Keep posting Ryan and keep strong
All My Love
Lynn
xxx
Hi Ryan,
You wanted to know a few things about my gambling history. Well, only did it for about 18 months, in that time i must have spent well over 13 grand. i played every bingo site going and couldnt go a day with out it. I couldnt stop neither, In the past i have closed all my bingo accounts and said to myself -thats it.
Somehow though i would convince myself that it was ok to open a new one, just a one off. Right!!
I always felt really sad about stopping, depressed even. But this time its different because for the first time i have someone to talk to, to be truly honest with (that someone being this site).So im on day 5 and guess what. Im not missing it, im not sad or depressed, im actually happy and proud of myself!
xx Lisa xx
Well as promised its now been 7 whole days since I slipped my last £20 into a roulette machine and i havent gambled since!!!
Had more than the opportunity to do so but refrained myself...
Had a great week so far (besides a bit of man flu) and i'm off to take a fine looking young girl out tonight on money that would otherwise been given to Hills/********* or Coral!
I'm a new man and loving every minute of it!!
Heres to next Friday! 😉
Well done mate, fair play to you. Get out there and enjoy yourself and your new found life. Its all there when we dont gamble.........and what pretty lady wants to date a boring, uninteresting compulsive gambler.
By the way, im 44 so ill let you off...lol
Keith
Hi again!
Well done thats the first week under your belt,feels good doesnt it?
As more time passes by, even if u get the urge to gamble u wont, because u wont want to spoil your 'record'.
Have a lovely weekend, keep posting xx lisa xx
Lisa,
Your a diamond!
Hows things going with you?
Hi Ryan! Look at you! One week down already and going on a date! Feels good, doesn't it? The further we get from gambling, the more we enjoy can enjoy all those things we've been missing for so long.
Are you finding lots of things to occupy your time?
I'm really proud of you for how strong you're being. Hope the date is wonderful and that you have a great weekend!
Love, Anna
Day 11 and things are going well. I seriously believe (and hope) they'll ill never part with my hard earned money ever again..
I'm really proud that I can stand up and say "I'm no longer a gambler"...
At 25 years old I believe I caught this horrible disease at the right time!
Heres to the future!!! I wish everyone the same luck and motivation I am giving 😉
xx
Hi Ryan! Keep it up! You're doing great! Just keep up your guard and don't get complacent about recovery, because temptation can sneak up out of nowhere.
I'm so proud of you!
Love, Anna
2 weeks on and still no lapses!!
Going strong guys, hope u r too!
xxx
hi Ryan
Glad to hear you are still going strong..keep up the good work.
all the best
jim (last bet 22/04/06)
Hi Ryan,
How r u ? You seem to be doing really well. I am too although its been 17 days now the last few days i have had an urge or 2. It would be so easy just to log on to a bingo site but im resisting i come on here instead. Im trying to focus on other things, ive downloaded myself a load of music so i stick it on and it takes my mind off it. Im getting back into my (old) healthy lifestyle too, back on the healthy eating plan and a bit of exercise, the music is gr8 to get me dancing round the house lol. God knows wot the neighbours must think when they walk by and see me prancing about in the kitchen!
I am feeling much happier though and by the sound of it u r too
take care hun love lisa xxx
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