Day 1 - for the 4th time

Day 2 - So I finally installed Gamban on my phone. I was so worried that it was only going to block the uk sites, like Gamstop. But to my relief, I checked a few of my offshore regulars and they were all blocked!

if only I had listened months ago, over a year ago, my goodness I could be in such a different position now.

But, it is what it is and I am where I am. 

As soon as I had it installed and checked some sites, I felt an insane amount of relief. This level of protection is going to make such a difference to my self destructive side. 

I feel a bit of hope. 

Hope you’re all having a good weekend and keeping well.

That’s the key. Big effort to lock everything down. If you do find a back door in future, take a deep breath. Speak to someone, on here, family, friend, and then block that entry to gambling down. There is always a way, and gamblers are resourceful but if you have an open and honest conversation with someone you can trust and rely on, they can really help you when things take hold. Try change your routine too. If you can gamble when alone, spend more time with people. You can do this. 

Stay strong 💪 

Day 6 - so that’s 6 full days down! I’m delighted. And if I’m honest, I don’t think I could have done it without having Gamban installed.

the temptation has been strong in theory, it’s so easy to think I’m going to win x amount of money if I just deposit, but I’ve been in this game a long time to know it never happens that way. And if it does, I’ll lose it anyway.

ive had such a lovely week, not having to focus on my loss or my win that is stretched out on daily withdrawals of small amounts or worrying about a verification with a new site. That’s all gone this week.

and it’s been so incredibly freeing. I’m not ready to even begin to think about what I’ve lost, but for now, delighted to hit 6 days. Nearly a week. We can do it 💪

So I’ve hit day 9 😊

I haven’t gone this long without gambling in easily 3 years.

I’ve had a big project at work something that comes up this time every year, and I’ve been able to fully focus on it to a level I’ve not been able to for 3 years. Which is crazy. I thought I was functioning so well, but now my mind isn’t preoccupied with gambling, I can see what I’ve been neglecting.

I can see the holes in the work, the skipped steps, the lack of effort that I’ve put in when I know I’m capable of so much more.

Im so grateful to myself to not be clouding myself with gambling and chasing money right now. This project is meaningful, and has a positive impact on the community, and I’m so happy to be present for it.

im still struggling with flashes of guilt and panic at the money lost. I’m managing, and blocking, which I know isn’t healthy. 

But for now, I’m just focussing on this project. And anything that stops me gambling. Gamban had been a LIFESAVER.

hope you’re all well and having a gamble free night ❤️

Day 14 - wow.

ive not gone 2 weeks without gambling for so many years. Can’t believe I’ve done it.

While I’m on Gamban, it’s blocked me from being able to gamble of my own accord. So something in my brain has switched, thankfully, to know there’s no point in trying.

what a relief that has been.

I still get crazy amounts of emails, but I’ve got into the habit of unsubscribing and blocking, and it feels great and is really clearing out my inbox.

2 weeks out, you can look at those emails and see how manipulative, and poorly written, they are. My problem was the offshore sites as I’ve said before. I didn’t care about that at the time, I just cared about new sites, biggest bonuses etc. but now I see how spam like they are.

Ive never have clicked on such a spam like email before, so why would I now just because it offers a large bonus with a ludicrous 30x, 50x wager requirement?

I can’t believe I fell for it for so many years and for so much money. 

nearly completed a massive project in work this week, and it’s felt amazing to be so present. Is this what normal life feels like? I like it.

hope you’re all keeping well, and having a gamble free night ❤️

So I’m close approaching the 1 month mark. Who would have thought it?! Certainly not me.

i could not have done it without Gamban. I’m stunned at how effective taking the control out of my hands has been.

The temptation is strong. I can’t shake the idea that I’m one bet away from changing everything. Winning enough that im not ‘an addict’ anymore.

but I am an addict. And a serious one at that. Over the last few years I’ve lost 10s of 1000s. And that’s not repairable with a few quick high bets that most likely won’t pay out.

it is hard. But I’m delighted to be at day 26. Shocked even. I would never have predicted this for myself 4 weeks ago, but my god do I feel better 4 weeks on. 

hope you’re all having a good, safe, gamble free at night 🥰

Day 41 -

I made it to a month, and way past a month. I just want to say to anybody that’s struggling with this addiction, and it’s nasty and insidious, that it’s not your fault, it’s shoved at you through advertising, and I understand it feels impossible on day 1, 2, 3 , 7… it’s always hard. I’ve done ‘giving up’ so many times until now. But my goodness, after a week behind you, if you can stick it out, you will feel so much better. 6 weeks in now, and don’t get me wrong I feel the shame and worry for what is lost, but I’m not going back. I found as each week continued I had more control, and confidence in myself, that it wouldn’t happen again. Installing Gamban on my phone saved everything, and it does (from what I’ve checked) block the offshore curacao etc sites. Just do it. Install it and get back in control again because it gets soooo much better.

Hope you’re all having a happy and gamble fre night 🥰

@2ivlaw1qhx Hi pickle. So sorry to hear about your lapse, after doing so well. Can I ask how you managed this as, having read your diary, you said you are with Gamcare and have had Gambian installed on your phone? Is Gambian now not working on your phone?

I wish you strength and hope in being able to pick yourself right back up and continuing as you have done for the past for months 🤞💪🙏.

Take care.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

@2ivlaw1qhx 

Hey Pickle

putting down the device and saying no more is incredibly hard. I last gambled yesterday. I had more money in my account and could have continued gambling but I had been playing for close to 24 hours, I was exhausted emotionally and physically and my body just shut down.

i wanted to stop throughout but I didn’t have it in me until my body physically gave up. So well done for achieving that all by yourself.

Good luck in your recovery.

Em

@j5a6meyr4z hi PinkLady,

Unfortunately I just scrolled through many Google pages to find a site that I could access.  And I’ve been such a big advocate for Gamban. I still am, I sent the details of the site over to Gamban. But it’s important to mention I lost everything I deposited, there’s a very strong chance I wouldn’t have made it through KYC so it wasn’t worth it at all, if I’d have won it I’m sure it would have been blocked.

I haven’t gambled since thankfully. So it was just a lapse and I’m determined to keep it that way!

Hope you’re keeping safe and well xx

@837aobfmvu hi Em,

I completely understand. Just hitting that point of no feels so strong, and to do that when at a loss is so insanely hard.

I completely understand the exhaustion. Sometimes I’ve just kept pressing the button, even though I’m so bored and exhausted by it,  especially if it’s a bonus wager amount.

stay strong. I’m starting again but I did 4 months, and it was amazing to feel myself again. 

We can do it 💪

@2ivlaw1qhx That’s great to hear.  Well done!👏👏👏👏.

keep going forward one day at a time 💪🙏.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

@j5a6meyr4z thank you 🙏  and thank you for messaging. I was feeling pretty alone and it’s nice to know there’s others here to talk to.

Congratulations on your recovery, you’re smashing it ❤️

@2ivlaw1qhx Thank you 😊

🩷🍎