DAY 1 - minute 1

so checking in- ive managed 3 weeks now. I am so happy ive managed this far and I am so looking forward to getting to the month mark. I had never really attempted to stop before this and never gave myself any credit as I am obviously stronger than I thought. Still battling the urges but they seem to be getting further apart. I have spent a lot of time reading other peoples posts and I have one major worry- it seems a lot of people relapse and I was wondering if there is any common trigger for people mainly so I can keep aware and make sure I dont slip up?

Thanks L x

Hi Linda,

Just a note to say that your diary is really inspiring to me. You are truly strong in every sense of the word and PLEASE by incredibly proud of yourself. I too, have been far happier than I have for years, and I'm only just over 3 weeks in. I do have to watch myself much more carefully in the late evening after a glass or two of wine, so I simply put myself to bed earlier than usual, but then I only have a dog to worry about, not children.

I also read the family and friends thread as it reminds me how much damage is done to partners and family. Some of it is not pleasant to read, but it shows you the length and breadth of the knock on effects...not pleasant but very powerful.

Very Best Wishes for 2014. Louise

thanks louise- i know what you mean about the drink- its when i have my urges - over the glass of rose lol. Well we will have to just stick together and try and get through those times. I find that coming on here when I have an urge kills it completely- even if I just read my own posts! Have a good one and lets stay clean for 14! x Linda

Hi Linda

Just wanted to say well done you!

I've just read through your diary and o*g what a horrible year for you, you should be extremely proud of yourself for finding the strength to take control of this cruel affliction we have.

I am at the very beginning of my journey but shall take inspiration from your story as well as others I've read in the last couple of days.

Thank you.

M x

Hi Linda, in our house, rosé is known as 'lady petrol' as it's especially dangerous!! Lol. My partner is back tonight after visiting family for new year, so I already feel much safer. The last few days have been tough, but I'm really looking forward to my counselling beginning, but don't have a start date yet. I need to get to the root of the problem, and know for me that it's always at times of stress when I can block out the real world with online slots. I am also totally cr** about talking about emotions and seeking help for anything, so this site is a revelation. Lovely to 'talk' to you. Louise

Hi Linda,

I just wanted to congratulate you on your abstinence, long may it continue! It took a lot of bravery to be so candid in what has understandably been a very tough 2013 for you.

I will definitely be checking out your diary and helping where I can. Personally I'm flat broke until the 24th, so will be a mainstay on these forums to get through these tough times.

Keep your head up, you're doing brilliantly and we're all right behind you 🙂

Dan

thanks everyone- we will beat this together and when new years eve comes around again we will all be so much better off. I cannot control things that happen in my life good or bad but I can make sure that gambling does not play any part in my life and that will be enough for me this year! xxxLinda

so i just had a read through the friends and family section of this website- i hadnt looked up to now and i guess i now know why.

The reason I stopped gambling was because I hated myself for putting gambling before my family. The money I lost was bad enough but the time lost made me feel worse. I cannot get back those 10 years I spent gambling and by reading the f&f forum I can really see that had I carried on gambling I would have lost them all completely. There was no other way for it to end. The fact that I can see this now is major for me because it reinforces my determination never to go back.

Reading what some of these partners & children have been through and are still going through breaks my heart. One thing is for sure, I do not want my children growing up in a house where they see their mother going out for a couple of hours and coming back looking like death with cold sweats because she lost the weekly shopping money!

I dont want my kids to see their mother sitting on the computer for hours at a time and getting frustrated because one of them needs my time but I cant stop pressing spin!

I dont want my partner to have to work even more hours to try and make up for the money I have lost.

I dont want my children growing up in a house where there is bad feeling and stress and arguments caused by my gambling.

I dont want my children growing up in a house where CGing is normal!

I wont do it to them. I wont do it to my partner and I wont do it to myself! Linda

Linda

I would like to congratulate you on the fantastic amount of effort you are giving not only to your own recovery but that of many others too.

It is truly refreshing to read yours and Mr brightsides threads you have both approached recovery with great vigour and in doing so I salute you both for breathing more life and belief into this amazing forum.

I hope your honesty and the humility you bring with it continues to grow.it will gift you far more than any win from gambling ever will and best of all the positive effect will reach out to many.

You have an ever growing belief in the choice you have made.

To abstain and maintain.

Again thanks for sharing.

Recovery the gift that never stops giving.

Duncs stepping forward never back

thanks duncs, i feel I cannot just take from this forum (and Ive taken a lot!) I need also to give back. I would love to get a magic wand and rid the world of compulsive gambling but I cant do that so next best thing for me is to ensure my abstinence and try and help as many others as I possibly can.

You also have helped me take this leap and stick to it as Mr Brightside and a lot of others (a lot that I have not spoke to but just read their diaries). Also reading the friends and families section today really did give me a proper wake up call. This can really c*****e families as much as anything else.

The only thing I would say is that there is so much information out there with regards to smoking, drinking, drugs etc.. but hardly a mention for CGS. What frightened me the most was when I saw my 6 year old son playing a game on sky yesterday and it said WIN 25 pounds (through some kids game) he then asked me to pay 1.75 through my sky bill for him to enter!! these are little kiddies games but already they are teaching our children that its ok to gamble! This is only a drop in the ocean really to some other ads, sponsors, and pro gambling shows that influence not just us but the next generation. I mean a bingo site sponsors emmerdale at 7pm! numerous amounts of alcohol companies sponsor football teams- never mind the late night 4 hour casino live shows (why not do a smoking a *** pipe show for the night just to really make sure others know how to do it properly) I mean would they let benson and hedges sponsor tv programmes like tom and jerry or balamory?? it just doesnt make any sense that this epidemic isnt given the seriousness it deserves.

Anyway rant over - I just wish more could be done to prevent people from falling into the trap!

Hey L

I'm a great believer in the concept of 'you take what you give'........and you are giving so much to the forum - you deserve to be winning..........and you are!!

You're a huge inspiration to me and others.......against a backdrop of a year that puts a lot into perspective for me.

Please keep investing..........but remember that the greatest investment is in you!!

You're a superstar!!

Mr Brightside

Linda thanks for your post on my diary! Just read parts of yours and the things you have had to get trough last year leaves me with no words.

All I can say is that you truly are strong and great person!! Good job getting 3+ weeks gamble free and I'm sure you can keep it up!

thanks jer & mr b for your very kind words. Its actually surprising how emotional I get when anyone says anything nice to me as I am so used to hating myself!

So, tomorrow is my birthday and I will be 34 years old and for the last 11 years I have celebrated my birthday by either going to the races (if any on) or more frequently going to bingo with my family and friends. I have been worrying about it all week because I thought it would be hard to break that habit but what I did was book some tickets for me and the kiddies to go to the zoo! I am really looking forward to it and it really is a fog lifting as I can do these things now because I have time and money that I could never allocate to anything but gambling before.

Anyways all good here- day 27 gamble free and just realised that in the time ive been writing this that is not my bday tomorrow its 12.06 so its today lol! heres to my first gamble free birthday since before i can remember! xLinda

Happy Birthday Linda!!!

I really hope that it's the best birthday you've had in many many years!! Probably 11 to be exact!!

Have a great day, enjoy the zoo, enjoy time with the kids and enjoy being 4 weeks free.

You really really deserve it. Will be thinking about you!!

Me Brightside

Happy Birthday Linda!!

Have a fantastic day...be proud of yourself, well done!

Your story and the stories of many others here are an inspiration to me, i feel stronger now than I have for a very long time....thank you.

M x