DAY 1 - minute 1

Happy Birthday Linda! Have a great day with the kids! 🙂

Massive Birthday Wishes, Linda! Congrats and hope the zoo was a blast!

thanks guys & gals I really appreciate everything you lot have done for me since I joined last month. Tomorrow night will mark 4 weeks for me and its so nice to know I have done this not because I was forced to but because I have the guts for it! Thanks x Linda

Huge guts L.......in fact, if you were a bloke your haw m**s would be humongous!!! Lol!!

Thought today might be a toughie for you given the history but so proud that you've come through it with such determination. 4 weeks free from it.......feels brilliant!!!

Reaping the benefits.......and so are our loved ones.

Mr Brightside

yes so made it to my first 4 weeks free from gambling. it really does feel great but have to be on the watch all the time in case i get complacent! I cannot go back there- ever. Thanks everyone for the continued support! x Linda

Sorry if this post is a bit blunt but I just wanted to share what I figured out today.

When I was younger - maybe between 13 and 19- I had real issues with self harming. I used to use razor blades to cut my arms. Not every day now but whenever I was going through any sort of teenage angst or if I felt my voice wasnt being heard. Anyway I realised today that even though I "grew out of the cutting" I carried on self harming by way of gambling. It really is so clear to me now. I went through a spell of drinking heavily between 16 and 24 and then gambling heavily for last 10 years. Its like I would never let myself be happy. I know can see that a lot of that was down to being abused at a very young age by my uncle who I should have been able to trust completely. Since that time I have repeatedly tried to sabotage myself by one means or another and I really didnt care.

Only now the penny has dropped- mainly down to this site. Once I started writing things down I started to hear my inner voice crying out to give me a chance instead of giving in to that self hatred I had become accustomed to.

This might not make a lot of sense to anyone else but I have to let everything come out because I really think it is helping me understand the root of this addiction. with time I may even just forgive myself for all I have done since that fateful age when my innocence was robbed.

28 days gamble free.

- clean for 14- Linda X

Wow, Linda. Powerful stuff, but well done for getting it off your chest...you are honestly, one of the strongest women I have ever met...err, without actually meeting you, of course!

Trying to think of words of wisdom...how about The Chimp is a Wimp and we CAN beat this.

Warmest wishes. Louise.x

thanks louise x funny how i always thought of myself as weak and thats why i never tried stopping my gambling before- but its amazing how strong it makes you - to stop this self destructive behaviour- because we can!

The chimp is a wimp! lol i love it x Linda

Hi Linda,

I have never made a real effort either until now. I always thought that it was 'fun' and I had it under control. It's a very powerful force, but we CAN BEAT IT!

Day 29, keeping clean in 2014.

Louise.x

Hi Linda,

I have never made a real effort either until now. I always thought that it was 'fun' and I had it under control. It's a very powerful force, but we CAN BEAT IT!

Day 29, keeping clean in 2014.

Louise.x

just checking in- 29 days free for me! x

Hi Linda,

Day 29 - sounds fab!!! Very well done, anything is possible...little steps forward...and you will come out the other end.

Keep it up and b kind to urself :-))

Sandra x

so day 30 gamble free and feeling great aside from the humdinger of a cold i managed to wake up with this morning!

Anyway I am a little concerned about something and if there is anyone else out there that can help put my mind at rest that would be great-

I have been reading and posting on a lot of others diaries and feel really inspired by some amazing stories and my heart breaks for others.

What I am concerned with is this- This is the one and only time I have stopped gambling. I feel I am doing well and am teaching myself to watch out for the urges and/or dangerous situations and avoiding them like the plague. I have no intention to ever gamble on anything ever again and really honestly believe that this is the case. However having read a lot of diaries a lot of people relapse and I dont understand why?- maybe if I did It might prevent me from ever doing it which I really really dont ever want to do.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! thanks linda x

Linda

Great post, I admire your honesty and totally agree with what you write.

I went 602 days, this is my only true recovery too, the 23/01/2012 was the day I admitted to my addiction and

I truly believed I would not place a bet again

Then in October I stopped recovering, I thought foolishly I was recovered. Then after stopping using this forum, missing a few GA meetings BOOM.

Three hours madness and back to day one.

I turned my back on recovery, a foolish thing to do.

We will never be cured.

Recovery today I know is a life choice

Keep staring it in the face, never turn your back.

And most of all keep enjoying it.

I hope this is an answer to your question.

Honesty for me is so important.

Recovery is the gift that keeps giving

We have to make the choice to take it.

Please keep taking what is on offer.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Linda,

Great post and i fully understand ur concerns. I went down recovery path for 8 months ( been gambling for over a year) .nearly 5 months in recovery i had a lapse ( only cost me £2 ) but i beat myself dead for it. It just come out of nowhere...i put my guard down and allowed devil to come in...all depended on me to make that spare second decision..it shook me well hard.. This again, depends on a person and how sensitive you are.

The thing is...you are in control.always be. Keep making the right choice, lapses are possible, don't push urself too much..we can only learn from them. I believe it is never the same anyway, if you start training ur mind to abstain and maintain you will go far girl.

Unknown is scary indeed, but only you can make that choice. Don't be too hard on urself in this recovery...give urself some breathing space...

Day at a time..that's all you have to do.

I believe u got blocks ( these is still huge help for me )...you can never let ur guard down..it is sad, but addiction is strong...but...good thing is YOU ARE SAYING THE LAST WORD.

I know you can keep on the right road..question is...: do u believe in yourself enough to prevent the destruction? Only u know the answer darling..concentrate on yourself and ur recovery..u are No 1 🙂

Take care

Sandra xx

All the best and take it easy

P.s.Very important last sentense i would like to share - Progress not Perfection..live to this and u never lose xx