DAY 1 - minute 1

thanks sandra & duncs for your kind words and encouragement. I know I could not have got this far without you guys!

Day 38

Linda xxx

Hey Linda,

How's it going? I have been out of the loop for a few days, just mad busy with work, which can only be a good thing.

Still going strong and thinking of you!

Louise

Hey Louise

Yes Im doing very well just enjoying my freedom at the moment! Its amazing how much my mentality has changed in just a few weeks. I dont feel angry at the gambling industry as I always blamed myself for my choices but not that I am out of the "loop" I can just sit back and know that I do not have to be part of that anymore. Its really quite liberating! I hope you are doing well xxx Linda

Hey Linda!!

Just reading the last few posts - that Duncs is some boy eh? What an awesome man!!

You are an awesome woman.......this time tomorrow you'll have beaten the flu, your old mindset, your old way of doing things.......and 40 days of gambling!! Wow!! I'm just hoping you won't have beaten the kids too - lol!!

Speak soon Wonder Woman,

Mr Brightside xx

Hey Mr B

Your post made me laugh out loud! The closest I have ever been to wonder woman was when I fancy dressed as her a few years ago for a party LOL!

Cant believe it will be 40 days tomorrow! Every day getting a little clearer and a little brighter!

Have a good one!

Linda xxx

well i was in the shop earlier and whilst getting my bit of shopping and petrol I almost said "can I have 2 lucky dips for tonight please" It was so weird because I didnt think about it before I went to the cashier and I certainly had no intention of buying them even if the words actually came out of my mouth but I just thought I would write it down because of how strange it was. It was like my gambling devil was trying to talk for itself and didnt request affirmation from my brain at all! LOL How strange- it must have been habit but then I have been shopping so many times since and it never once happened. Has this sort of thing happened to anyone else? Is it complacency creeping in because for once gambling wasnt at the forefront of my mind? Or is it just that voice that is desperately trying to reel me back in? Either way it makes no difference because I ultimately control my actions and I will not gamble. x Linda

thanks Julie- yes slowly but surely I am changing my way of thinking. As long as remember gambling was part of my every day life so I guess it will take a while to get used to a life that doesnt include that.

So day 40 for me today and I really am feeling the benefits. I was always the type of person that needed things done now- I had little or no patience and I couldnt really do anything that meant I had to wait for results.

One of the things I am proud of today is how that has changed. Dont get me wrong- I can still be impatient but I know that a little change each day can add up to something amazing over a period of time and that I just need to stay committed to whatever that goal is.

There is a lot more going on in my life right now that I will eventually post here but for now I am doing well and am staying clean for 14! xx Linda

Hi Linda! Awesome job getting this far and I'm sure you will keep it up!

I'm like you with patience, I don't have much of it. When I was months gamble free I noticed how I was getting my patience back, but now after relapsing I have been feeling much more unpatient about everything. That just one of the negative things gambling can do to us and only way to get better is little by little.

well done Linda. I am still in the early days, but Im pleased to find some guidance towards becoming a better man. patience is one thing I have always lacked, but now I started focusing myself on the process rather than the result. Im trying to enjoy little things I do everyday, such as keeping my home clean and tidy or going to a grocery shop. I think about being my best at any given task and the results come or will do eventually.

keep it up and good luck to you!

Hi Guys

Thanks for your support. Its amazing the things you start to enjoy when you have stopped!

I can spend time with all my family now doing whatever they want because I have the time. Gambling doesnt give you much time for anything else but gambling!

Im on day 42 today and I feel great. Not everything in my life is a bed of roses but because I have taken this frenzied addiction out of the equation I can try and deal with other things far more rationally than I ever did before!

Onwards and upwardsx

Linda x

Hello,

thanks for the post, I must say it was unexpected. You make sense about my erratic behaviour however, I never had the courage to go into my local and do that kind of thing before. A guy that I haven't really spoke to, but have known for many years, shook my hand and gave me respect, it is an immense thing to do, especially if they know of you. For some, the courage it takes to build up and do this sort of thing is a huge step. The lady told me that she thinks so many people want to exclude but don't have the courage to do so. Another point is, the customer interaction with the staff is minimal and people lose thousand without saying a word to them sometimes. So, you can imagine the quiet ones that probably have never even spoke to a bookie before and don't even have a flutter on the horses, what it would be like to walk in and confront them and asked to be banned. More needs to be done to tackle the problem.

The staff were very comforting and understanding. I had a good talk with them, they told me stuff I would never know if I was just that ghostly zombie. Moreover, I have not actually lost a great deal in there but I have exercised my rights and I'm confident I will do it over and over if I have to.

I just want to mention that I am responsible for my actions and so are the bookies, they will in someway or other suffer one day. I just need to forgive them and move on.

My family have recently moved to this area which is nearer to my old house (my mums). I make no excuses for my recent actions. I would like to mention that I came back to England in October 2013, after two years of zero gambling. Before the two years away I had a relapse after 18 months of quitting, due to break up with my family here. Therefore, that is probably what contributed to the relapse and for that I have fallen back into old habits (I think?).

Now that I have come back and decided to stay here, although I have no job, money or plan (yet). I am trying to put this completely unacceptable, unhealthy and damaging lifestyle behind me. I am very guilty for what I have done and I really want to change. The evil that it has done will hopefully fade away and then I can start getting my life back.

I wish you well in your journey too....I hope we can support each other?...Yes, I will be looking back in one year and I'm positive that I'll be much better off and more importantly my well being will surely be better.

Thanks.

Hi 20

Thanks for your post- isnt it amazing how many of us experience similar worries and problems when it comes to this addiction! I am currently on day 43 of my gambling free life. I have never attempted to stop before and that was because I never really thought I wanted to. But of course that was my own way of covering up the fact that deep down I knew it was a problem and I couldnt admit it to myself.

Self excluding, especially from your locals is all about facing up to things and taking that shame and using it to never go back.

I would love to see gambling banned in the country because I would say that it is worse than any other addiction mainly because of just how secretive it is. It can destroy whole families before they even know why!

I speak to my dad a lot about my situation as he is the only one I feel comfortable talking to about addictions. He is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for 20 years and he has some great insights into addiction and how to combat it. His father- my grandfather- was a major CG and he gambled away my fathers familys land and livelihood. He told me a story yesterday about when he first went to the races with his father. My dad had saved about 5 pounds for the day which was quite a lot back then and just before he went in through the gates my grandfather stopped him and said quite simply "youll be lucky if you lose". My dad had no idea what he was going on about at the time but now its as clear as day. Winning is a form of poison. It fools our brain into thinking that this is what gambling feels like. When in truth gambling is all about losing. There are no winners - only the bookies. So really the only way for us to win is to not gamble at all.

I will be forever a recovering CG but I can say that each day I decide that I do not want or need to gamble will lead to a better, more fulfilling life.

I would love it to support each other and one step at a time we will be looking back at this year as the year that changed our lives for the better!

Linda xx

Good post. I will be with you all the way!

Linda

Thanks for sharing your last post, I can emulate greatly with what you write, that first win did plant a seed.

For me the huge thing with any addiction is it will only be arrested sucessfully if the addict wants it, it is without doubt that my own father is still an active compulsive gambler, he has to my knowledge never confessed to this or sought help.

you might have thought I would have learnt from that, but in truth because it was kept a secret, I never did.

The bookmakers will always excist, it is our choice to keep our hard earnt in our own pockets.

Full respect to your father.

Again thanks for sharing

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Linda,

Really insightful post and thank you for sharing.

You are seeing more underlying reasons in the choices you used to make. Recovery is bespoke, and it is only down to us what life we want to live. Only we can make a choice to stay in peace and happiness within ourselves and shine the light for others.

Keep making the right choice. You doing great and should be proud!!!

Keep it up

All the best

Day at a time

Sandra x