DAY 1 - minute 1

Hi Linda

Reading your post one back, there is plenty to report. You had a gamble free day and for that you should give yourself a pat on the back. You did normal things instead of mind numbing gambling. Keep it up and keep posting the good things that are happening

Take care

Morning Linda

I echo smilers post, there is always the most important thing for us to celebrate

A gamble free day!!!!!!

I see this as the foundations on which we build our 'new' life

Each day you lay a brick between you and the next bet, a wall that yes the dirty beast addiction lurks on the other side of trying to find weakness and lure you back over, but there is a wall between you and the next punt.

Too boot each time you gift a post to others threads offering support and encouragment taken from your own recovery, you too gift them the opportunity to keep building.

Your goal 2014, what a great foundation that will be towards

Recovery for life.

Dunc stepping forward never back.

thanks guys, yes I should always celebrate a gamble free day!

I was so tired yesterday so I couldnt even speak properly! when I was gambling most of the night it didnt bother me if I was needed during the night because I could carry on gambling anyway! And on the nights where I had lost everything and couldnt gamble I couldnt sleep anyway with worry so being up with the kids was ok too. Now that I am enjoying my sleep again and not getting enough of it is why I am tired. I only have to read a chapter of my book and my eyes are closing! Still whatever hours I do get are blissful because I have eliminated one major worry and stress from my life!

Thanks

Linda xxx

so end of day 49! kids driving me insane and getting no breaks at all but still beating the old demons. some days are easy and other days take a little more control but i am winning this day by day! roll on day 50! xxxxlinda

Hi Linda,

Let me be the first to congratulate you with big 50!!!! 🙂

I suppose you are sound asleep after challenging day with ur little ones. The energy and attention you need to give out must b trully something exhausting lol.. i have no kids, but a little nephew is full hands for me now and again :-))

Bless their hearts

You are doing fab, and ur determination to keep on the right track is inspiring. Be proud and keep fighting the good fight.

You are worth all the peace and happiness coming in ur life

Take care

Sandra x

Linda

Today marks 50 days taking your life back.

I doff my cap.

Keep making the right choice

Abstain and maintian

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Afternoon Linda,

Just checking in to say a huge congratulations on reaching the 50 day milestone - you should be celebrating today and allow yourself time to pay yourself on the back.

The previous two posts really say everything, from much more experienced wiser recoverers!!

Well done Mrs - proud to be walking with you!!

Mr B xxx

thanks sandra, duncs and Mr B!

I am so grateful for all your support and I do know that I would have struggled to get to 50 days without your support and this site.

I will have a cheeky glass/bottle of wine today to mark it! Now on to 100! xxxx

clean for 14!

Linda x

thanks everyone for your kind comments! day 51 for me and finding today a little tougher than the others. The reason for that is I am renting my house and have done for about 12 years (sold my first house due to break up and pretty much squandered any equity on gambling, drinking and partying!) anyway, today I started to think that I would never be able to own my own house again as my credit is as bad as it can get and I can only work part time. My partner doesnt earn enough to get a mortgage on his own and to be honest his credit isnt great either from a previous relationship. I thought the only way I could ever buy a house for my family would be if I won the lottery! Then the little devil popped up on my shoulder and started banging on about how I should do a line or 2 each week because "what harm would it do". Then I tried to tell myself yes there is no harm in that and I might just win that big jackpot and I would be able to pick any house I wanted! So what did I do? I went on my cross trainer for 20 mins and shook that devil off! I will stay renting until we manage to save up a deposit, I will be patient in trying to sort my credit out, I will look for a government mortgage scheme, I will make sure that my house will be build from hard work and dedication. And even if it takes me 10 years to do it well thats fine by me. At some point in the future I will have my own home and it will come a hell of a lot quicker without gambling in my life.

Linda

Well said hardtimes and a very well done you!

Take care and remain strong - and keep fighting that little devil!!

Feb.

hey hard times it is bad when we let the thoughts coming in and do a turmoil,but its even greater to stop them!!!keep strong keep healthy!!!you are the best!believe it!

thanks feb & ruivo- feel much better now. I dont think I would ever give in but I stay close to my diary and my 2014 challenge because it always motivates me to ride the storm!

Linda x

dear diary

I woke up with a sweat on this morning- I had a terrible dream/nightmare that I had got up in the middle of the night and opened up an account and gambled away everything. It was so vivid that I still now remember that gut wrenching feeling that i had after I lost it.

Because I had been having so many urges this week I figured that I had been thinking about it so much that is why I dreamt about it however now I realise that having that awful dream has really reminded me of the horrible feelings that I used to feel and therefore made me even more determined not to give in.

Day 53 gamble free

Linda

Morning Linda,

I read your post with sympathy, as I had a similar dream about gambling earlier on in the week, and it set me off on a bit of a rollercoaster in terms of considering my gambling addiction and how I was coping with it. You are doing the right thing steeling your resolve not to give in, and although it is quite troubling you can still choose to be strong enough and not gamble. However vivid it is, you have still not gambled, and that is the most important thing.

Hope you have a more restful night this evening.

Ryan

thank you Leeds for your kind post! So end of day 53 and feeling much better than I did yesterday so hoping when I go to sleep tonight I will dream of all the things I can do now rather than dream about the one thing that held me back for so long.

Night!

Linda x