Hi all, I'm a compulsive gambler, have been since the age of 10. Things turned worse when I started on the fobts, that is where it really spiralled.
Constantly up and down on the roller coaster, one minute plenty of money and working out how much I'm going to win on the next visit to being penniless.
My crutch really is the roulette wheel, my common sense goes out of the window while playing, regularly I will go in with £200 just wanting to win £100, 4 spins later gone, then I'm back to the cash point. It's ridiculous that I don't even play the odds on red or black but 10 specific numbers.
Everything gets affected by it, work, my weight, my moods, my relationship. To be honest I'm sick of it, I've started this diary to remind me now of the feeling as I am sometimes weak and get it in mind that I'll just go for a few spins to win some spare cash. I don't even need it can live quite comfortably without it, but somehow I choose to chase the wins and then mess up my finance.
today is day 1, tomorrow is payday. Give me the strength to pay off all the debts and move my spending into an account the wife will control. So many pay days are messed up and ruined before they have even finished.
Well I made it to the bank and paid off some bills, literally was on my way to the bookies when I had a last minute change of heart and came home. Now sitting in the house bored toying with the idea of putting a sports bet on. It will only be £20 but it usually leads to other gambling which I don't want to do.
ive decided to be as honest as possible with this diary as I've stopped other diaries as soon as I've fallen off the wagon.
mind is spinning thinking shall I shouldn't II
Well I caved in and placed a bet. Immediately felt guilty, at least it wasn't the fobt so it'll stay at £20. Day 1 again tomorrow
Do you not have barriers in place brother?
All but one betting account left open, that had a weekly limit of £20 which is what I used. It's being closed
Hi Hate fobts, sounds like you've tried this before so welcome back to recovery & good to see you haven't given up giving up 🙂
Good skills changing your mind about the bookies earlier! I think from what you have said about the sports bets leading you elsewhere, you are very wise to close that account. Maybe a blocker on your portal to stop you falling into this trap again? I too got caught up in the fobts & I only wish that I had come here many years sooner! You sound rather sensible if you don't mind me saying, not yet in the depth of despair that many if us got dragged down to, but it is a slippery slope! You already know you don't need the money to survive & currently you are chasing a win whereas most of us spent thousands chasing losses! You suggest you have the ability to move your money into your wife's account...Did you do this? This would help you break the Time-Money-Location triangle & remove your ability to gamble! You need to find something to occupy you, can I suggest that next time you find yourself sitting @ home, bored, in the absence of any better options, come on here...You'll be surprised how many hours you can while away getting hints & tips on how to approach your recovery!
It takes a lot of determination but the rewards far outweigh the effort...You can do this - ODAAT
Thanks for the support odaat, I'm going to give that a try. I've had big losses in the past most of which have been paid off. Just don't want to fall into that trap. I've moved all spare cash out of my account so that should stop me on that front. I don't use any cards either so fingers crossed I can have a few weeks gamble free, it know once I'm passed the first few weeks it becomes a lot easier
Gone and done it again, few weeks off and bam another 100 lost. Was like a heroin addict sucked in and immediately regretting it. When am I going to get it through like thick skull. I really can't go on being like this, hating myself right now
Hatefobts
Don't be too hard on yourself, the fact that you have been honest with yourself is progression into the doors of recovery.
Embrace recovery, gift it all the effort you gift addiction.
Put some practical blocks in place.
The advice I was given on my first days recovery, still works today
There is a triangle time-money-location
Take one away and the punt becomes impossible Gifting the rational side of the brain time to think, time to re wire itself.
Self exclude from your local haunts, don't have access to money, use your time to persue activities that you have neglected.
There is no cure for the compulsive gambler, no medication we can take, but there's a wealth of help,
Take it.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Thanks dunc, I'll do my best to do this. I really am sick of it now, I'm good for a while then always seem to lapse.
Wife has control of my money now, back to day 1 tomorrow.
i got off lightly as I had a credit card with me and decided against going back to the bank. Usually would've meant another 300 at least. Going to make an effort to post every day. I was shaking trying to stop myself from going in but ultimately gave in.
Hi you, you haven't given up giving up...So very glad to see you back 🙂 You may hate you @ the moment but I am proud that you found your way back!
Well done for finding the strength not to go back to the bank! Next time you feel the urges, stop, think of something else that needs doing 1st! Go & buy a drink, go check on the car/bus timetable, tell yourself if you still feel like gambling in 5 minutes, you will reassess! I was here, I rode some escalators (a lot) before I found the voice I needed to say that today, I choose 'No' & wow was it an epiphany! If I were you, I would self exclude from the one you got hurt in today & then draw a line under it!
You can do this - ODAAT
Thanks odaat, having some urges today, had to go past bookies to get to the post office earlier, took no cards or money tho so it was a no no, I do think if I'd had cash I would've gone in. Sitting in the house bored now tho so will go for a run and then a few beers later. Tomorrow will be tough, I love a bet on the rugby or football but it's no half measures for me, I'll wait all weekend for a football bet to come in, win 500 and within minutes it's gone into the roulette machine crazy, literally the number of times I've done that is unreal. Anyway it really does make me feel better after some time on here, so many familiar stories and wise words of people who've been through it.i need to get through a few weeks and then the urges will subside. Hope you have a great weekend
Hi Hate fobts, Ive just had a quick read of your diary, well done on coming back and starting a fresh, Im only on day 5, so still very early days for me yet,Like you it's roulette thats my problem, the online version, in all the time of being playing it, it;s caused nothing but heartache, so today im sat here thinking, what was the point? I win, I put it back in, I loose i put more in, Basically i think the buzz in the end for me was loosing, seen as i never really did aything with any winnings i made, Silly game eh?.
Good luck on your recovery
Definitely a silly game but very addictive.
itching for a bet today, really just want to do a sports bet. I know it's no good though so am trying to stay strong. Been for a run so feeling better after that. I have a really addictive personality so hopefully I can transfer my attentions to get fit instead of throwing my money away. Here's to day 2
I'm being tested today just had a text from a gambling firm offering improved odds for today, I've got to laugh. No thanks not today.
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