Day 9

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Day 62

2nd month of looking at my bank statement to find zero deposits being made let alone a stupid amounts! It's not easy at times but defo worth it. Getting paid on Friday still got £400 in the bank just doing nothing! Can't remember the last time I wasn't scratching to get through till pay day!

Im never going back to that dark lonely place!

Morning Steve.

I bet it's a nice feeling to have money left over and then getting paid again. I only got paid last week, but hopefully I'll be in a position similar to you this time next month. Like you said I can't remember the last time that happened.

Well done ok so many days GF, it's not easy at all but your doing great. Don't be giving in to any urges.

RA

Well done Steve you keep fighting them urges

Well done Steve.

£400 as we all know, of "gambling money" is nothing, but to see that amount sitting in our bank accounts nearing pay day has got to be the best feeling. Plus, it's not just about the money. knowing you are about to be paid and knowing you are not skint for the week(s) leading up to it, is such a great feeling. One of my little mini goals is to still have some money remaining when I get paid each month, no matter how little. I see it as just another incentive to keep us focused in our recovery.

Still one day behind me Steve and so pleased to see that.

Take care.

Feb.

Thanks guys your support means a lot and would of found it so much harder without!

Day ???? In the gamcare house.

Over the weekend I gambled no getting out that fact, I gambled on slots. I spent a long weekend away at the coast with my family and we visited the arcade like any family would, but I headed straight for the bigger machines within the penny arcade while my family played with penny's. To be fair I would always do this but only since playing online slots did gambling become a problem, personally I don't class this as a relapse I've always had a go at these machines when at the coast but honestly feel the £500 jackpot isn't enough to get me addicted. So my question is have I relapsed or not?

Have a great day everyone 🙂

Hi Steve

I would say a lapse, rather than a relapse. Big difference. It is gambling all the same but if you think it will just be a one off and it will motivate you more continuing with your days minus one day, you should do whats best for you.

Take care.

Feb.

Hope your well FEB and thanks for your continued support. To be honest, it was gambling of course it was but I do gamble from time to time, I do the lottery every single week, I do the grand national and will do every year, I play poker probably once a month with friends for money and I will play the machines when I'm at the coast once in a blue moon. Counting the days don't really bother me too much as counting tends to be a means of ending. Ive quit online slots for life and that's my goal and my gambling problem. Any other thoughts on this would be welcome.

Hi Steve

It's your recovery to do how you want if your happy it's not going to trigger the bad bouts of gambling and your happy then keep going as you are.

For me I haven't gambled a penny and that's my call I suppose I don't want to tempt fate. I've not done the lottery I declined a raffle in work and just gave them the pound for charity. That's just the way I've chosen to do it. Part of the reason is I just don't trust myself not to go on one and lose my shirt again. I remember when my son was young putting about 20 quid in one of the grabber things all to win a particular teddy. I couldn't stop till I got it which I did but h could have gone to the shop outside and bought a dozen of them.

Just be in your guard the next few days that nothing creeps back in.

KTF

Newsteve

Fella a year or two ago I would have been enraged by your post, I would have felt that you through your honesty would have been belittling the compulsion to gamble.

I would have been asking

How can you gamble in any form?

I would have refused to believe that you could adopt any form of rational behaviour whilst gambling, that you would be one of two things

Either not a compulsive gambler or one in serious denial.

Today fella I simply accept the fact that the outcome of your own actions won't affect my life, that you are obviously in a position that you can freely gamble in certain forms and not feel the devastating emotional outcome that I will if I accept gambling in any form in my life as acceptable, because for me if I keep my own addiction alive through feeding it I know that I will end up feeding countless notes into a machine.

It's I believe in definition down to the reason deep down to the fact that I gambled not to win but escape, I didn't chase that big 'win' but simply to stay in action.

Fella surely the answer is that we are entitled to live a life that is comfortable within our minds, if you can control forms of gambling that are within your means and don't have a destructive outcome then simply who am I to judge?

Recovery is bespoke. enjoy your own.

This post is by no means a green light for advocating gambling it's a post of acceptance I my behalf. I have learnt a great deal in my own recovery journey and hope that I have learnt to be more measured.

Steve from your post I take great therapy.

My advice to you is simply be 100% honest, firstly with yourself and everyone else to boot.

As for whether you have relapsed fella, my view is that you are actively gambling in a controlled fashion by your own admission.

Regards duncs.

Thanks guys, this has kind of brought up a interesting subject, I honestly feel it hasn't sparked anything inside, and I don't feel to comfortable in mentioning I did walk away up, I put £30 in and cashed out a ticket and handed it to my misses for £150 she cashed it and I took £20 more lost that and we walked out of there when the kids had finished. Had it been online slots it would be 100% spent and more would of been deposited, maybe it's the actual handling of money as rather then credits on a screen, I don't wish to return to these machine until the next time I'm at the coast.