Day one 14/12/2013

Thanks for the support Casino.

Its day 99, two big zeros to add tomorrow 🙂 I have come a long way and am pretty much living life without any great urges to gamble. Still spend a lot of time thinking over the past and the mistakes I've made and bad things I've done. Been thinking a lot about my debts, I wanted them out the way as soon as possible. However this will require me to have no life for a few months. I think I'm better off paying them off over a longer period of time. I will still have to pay out a good few hundred a month which is frustrating, but its my own fault. It does get me down because I want to go out and get a new car and book a fancy holiday.

However I need to look at it in as positive way as possible. If I was still gambling I would be spending all my money in a bookies and getting into deeper debt. So even if I have another 12-16 months of repayments at least the debts going down and once its cleared I will be able to afford a lot more luxuries. The old me used to think one big win would clear my debts, but chasing the big win just got me deeper and deeper into debt.

No bets for me today!

Hi Phil, Congratulations on reaching your 100 day milestone. You must be so proud of your achievement, it just shows it can be done.

You've done brilliantly keep up the good work. Your dreams are a day closer 🙂

Take care

Thanks babybluesky, next stop is 200 and I will be getting there!

Day 100 and having come so far and finally made my century I intend to kick on. I will never slip back to my old ways. Life for me has changed a lot in the 100 days and as my journey continues it will continue to change. I am still laying the foundations of my new life after 17 years of my addiction, but day by day life is getting better.

Its payday tomorrow and I still have money in the bank from last month. This is brilliant for me, especially compared to the old me who would blow a months wages in a bookies. I am starting to value money more, I feel as a gambler I didn't value money and it takes time to get back to normality. I was quite a good saver when I was a young teenager, I need to learn to save again.

So I will come home from work tonight and celebrate my century with a few drinks and then tomorrow I start on 101 with 200 as the next target.

No bets for me today!

Congrats on 100 buddy your doing gr8, proud of you.

Del 🙂

Thanks Del and Julie, it means a lot to have the support of you guys off the 2014 challenge. Day 100 is almost up and I'm raring to bring on day 101 and see what it brings!

Its payday! I used to give up gambling for 30 days and then payday would come around and I would slip up again. I just couldn't break the cycle and get through a payday without gambling again! Well things have changed now and I don't see payday as a problem. As well as getting a lot out of seeing the days add up I also get a lot from paydays without the horrible gambling urges that I used to suffer.

Day 101 is a welcome day off work, sadly I am straight back in tomorrow for another run of five followed by another solo day off. Shortly I'm taking my mum out for an early Mothers Day lunch, then I will be off to the rugby. Mum never expects much for mothers day because she knows I'm usually skint, so its nice to be able to do more this year. Used to feel such a bad person and a low person, I don't anymore.

We are getting two new members of my team in work and typically both are gamblers. Mainly football gamblers, but they always go on about it to me and try to show me bets on their phones. I have told them why I can't look as it won't help me but they still try to show me. Hopefully they will get the message soon and understand why I don't want to know.

Time for me to get showered and shaved and ready to go out. On the train to the rugby today so I shall be having a few beers as usually I drive. Expecting a loss as we have 9 first teamers missing, just as long as we put up a good fight and don't get hammered I will be happy.

No bets for me today!

Its day 103, didn't post yesterday as I was out early and then in work, but it was another good day. However I need to strongly guard against complacency as there's something there playing on my mind. I wouldn't call it a strong urge to gamble, but there's something trying to pull me back into a bookies. Thoughts about a fool proof system or how I'm better now and I could take it or leave it. Obviously if I were to step into a bookies I would destroy everything and continue the decline I was on before I started this diary.

So I need to stay disciplined, keep my barriers in place and continue with what's working for me. I don't ever want to set foot in a bookies again. Getting through these low points will make me stronger. I'm now on the longest run without a bet since I was 16, and I want this run to go on for the rest of my life.

My subconscious is trying to tempt me back, but I won't slip up. No bets for me today!

BornAgain what a post from you. To be open and honest about your conscience trying to pull you back in but you fight it off. Mad respect mate the reason i was so proud of you was i know me and my conscience is far superior and i am weak to it. By reading that i will mirror you ,i will too fight it off as tomorrow is my biggest challenge Pay Day. "Conscience you will have a shock tomorrow" because i will beat you and smash you to bits this time.

Cheers Bornagain you have helped me today

CasinoRoyaLoser

Day 104 and shortly I'm off to work, three more days in and then off on Thursday then back in for four more days. Its a big week for me with the National looming. I am certain it won't beat me, but the urges have been coming and going. I do feel strong enough to beat them and I also have barriers in place to make it hard for me to gamble.

I want to wake tomorrow, back to normality, no urges, no thoughts of silly systems. Life's getting better for me at the moment, there's no way I'm going to spoil it by going into a bookies. Day by day I will fight this and I will win. I am not going back to the old Phil.

No bets for me today!

Fifteen weeks since I gave up, day 105 and in regards to the 2014 challenge March is now out the way! So plenty to be positive about today. I also feel a lot better than yesterday, no urges today.

Only a very quick post today as I am in a rush to get ready for work. But all positive today, plenty to look forwards to.

No bets for me today!

Hi Phil

Great to see you doing so well, I'm very proud that you are a fellow challenger! Keep fighting the good fight!

Linda

Thanks for the post Linda, I hope I remain a few days behind you.

Its a testing week, I'm off work tomorrow and its the first day of the National meeting. Having spent so much time in work lately I don't want to waste my day off, but I have to be on my guard tomorrow. So I need to plan something interesting to do tomorrow. I certainly need to avoid tv and radio as it will be all over it. I will try and think of something while I work later.

106 days gone and no bets for me today!

Day 107 and a testing three days ahead of me. So far I am dealing with things really well and feel good, but I need to remain vigilant and guard against any slip ups! I would normally watch a certain sports news channel, but for the next three days its likely to have too much info about horse racing so I will avoid it until Sunday.

Sadly this is my only day off this week, I will be glad to see the back of this rota. Will be back to four on two off from tomorrow. I would like to get out and about today, but maybe its sensible to stay in most of the day and out of potential temptation. Will just go out for a walk later, so I'm not in all day. Wanted to go and see Noah tonight, but its not out till tomorrow.

My parents have just been squabbling. My mum has asked my dad not to leave racing papers open where I will see them. I don't like being responsible for arguments. I've told her he just won't ever get it and to just let me deal with it myself and stop worrying. You wouldn't leave a bottle of cider out if you had an alcoholic in the house, this is similar. I just need to ignore any newspapers that I see around the house. My dad will never change and if I was sat in the living room he would put the racing on without any consideration for how it effects me. I will give him some credit, hes not as bad as he used to be, but still puts the racing on when I'm about. As I've said he doesn't get it at all, he thinks I should gamble but just do small bets. After all these years he doesn't realise I am unable to do small bets.

Today will test me, but today I wont gamble!

108 days without a bet and its quite a struggle right now. I have tried my hardest to avoid everything about horse racing. but at this time of year its unavoidable. There will be 40 horses tomorrow, and usually I know a lot about all of them. So far I have managed to avoid knowledge of anything other than two names of horses, one off a lad in work and the other I heard on the radio. The second name I heard was a horse I definitely would have put a bet on tomorrow. But its not testing me, I know that despite the urges I am strong enough to resist. The voices in my head telling me a bet wouldn't hurt are being beat by all the barriers I have in place and all the progress I've made in the last 108 days. My mind is fighting back telling me not to give in and to keep being a better person!

Phil is still fighting and winning, no bets for me today!

Hi Phil - Keep going lad, you're doing brilliantly.

re. the dad scenario, no real disrespect to him, but as Jermaine Jackson once said: "You can't reason with stupidity." You just have to walk away from it, mentally as well as physically.

Hope you get to see 'Noah' soon - sounds as if it's a good 'un.

Joanna