Day one 14/12/2013

Hi bornagain,

Many congrats on your achievement so far! I am at day 29 gamble free. Yes, it's tough for us all, but strength in numbers...we can BEAT this.

In my humble opinion, you clearly miss your ex, and are carrying the guilt of not giving everything you could to the relationship. I know it's the hardest thing, but could you tell her about your gambling? It might explain to her why you were so distant.

I didn't have the guts to tell my partner, but got busted (thank goodness) through a bank statement.

It is difficult, of course, but now that I have come clean about my addiction, I can at least sleep.

Whatever happens, KEEP STRONG.

Louise.

Thanks for the reply Louise. I got through day 22 without a bet and its now the early hours of day 23. Its my second day off work and I have been incredibly bored. My ex has been driving me mad and I have felt weak and tempted to have a bet. Fortunately things are in place to stop this, my mum has my money and in the end I regained control and took the bad thoughts out of my head.

I really need to work on my life and fill my free time. Oh well I will get some sleep and post something more positive when I wake up.

Well its day 23 and I am bored out my skull. I hate my rota as most of my days off are midweek and leave me with nothing to do. I really need to try and fix my empty life. Tonight I have Gamblers Anonymous but until then I have a dull day with no plans.

I have thought about about putting a bet on today. May have been a brief thought, but it was there. I don't have any cash, but I could have told my mum I needed money for something and gone to the bookies. Fortunately the thought has passed and I have stayed strong. I don't want to give in to this, I need to be strong and pick my life up!

Oh well an afternoon of boredom ahead!

Hey big Philla!!

Just checking in to see how you're doing mate. Sorry I've been quiet for a few days - a lot of stuff going on at work and had to put in some long hours to get through it.

Not like you not to give a brief update so I'm hoping all is ok and still going well - boredom is hellish - the devil will make work for idle hands n'all that.

How's things with the ex? Has she stepped back a bit or is she still playing the hot and cold games?

Will have a proper catch up over the weekend but just wanted you to know that I'm still right behind you !!

Mr Brightside

Its the early hours of day 25 and I have still not had a bet. Thanks for the message Mr B. I have just seen my ex, I had blocked her from contacting me, but she then started texting my mum! So I promised to meet her to talk and while she says she wants me she shows no physical signs and I am very wary of getting with her and getting hurt. I put her on the spot and said show me your phone as I don't trust you have not been in contact with your ex. She refused to show me, so I guess that says it all. I have told her to go and have a think what she wants, I have told her if in the meantime she contacts him then I don't want to hear from her again. I want to be number one in her life, not a back up. I have also asked her to remove him from her Facebook, if he is still there tomorrow night then I will finish with her for sure.

Gamblers anonymous on Thursday night was good, its a help to say my bit and listen to others. Its just a shame my rota prevents me from going to the same meeting every week. I do feel I have turned a corner and can deal with this day by day and win the fight.

I have started healthy eating again today and got through the day without eating any junk. I need to continue this and get myself in shape. I also have my 10k run on March 9th. I have not yet started training, I keep putting it off and need to get my finger out and start training!

I need to get to bed now, day 25 will be another gamble free day. I have a quiet morning and then work. Onwards and upwards!

Hi Bornagain,

Well done on getting those first two or three weeks under your belt, now its time for the big challenges and to turn those weeks into months and so on. GA is definitely a very helpful thing to do, and hope your healthy eating begins to go well. I was doing alright, but tonight a few ciders have passed my lips and that is going to be put off until Monday.

Hope you can bring the situation with your ex to a solution that means it will be one less stress from your life, whether she is in or out. Keep strong, and hope twenty five is another good gamble free day.

All the best

Ryan

Thanks for the support Ryan. Its quite refreshing that its Saturday and I am sat chilling out with no gambling thoughts. In the past I would at least consider a football coupon or looking at the big Saturday race. But today on day 25 I am sat relaxing with the football on and shortly I have work. Especially given the turmoil I am going through with my ex, the old me would have been straight to the bookies. Fortunately I am coping well.

Its day two of healthy eating and so far so good. I have devised a training plan for my 10k and start it tomorrow. I will be running on a Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday! So things are picking up, I just now need to fill my empty life but this will be a slow process.

I hardly slept at all last night because I can't stop thinking about my ex. I want to phone in sick, but Saturday is the worst day to do that as we are lacking cover so I will have to go in. Its driving me mad that she has shown no physical signs of wanting me, but she keeps messaging me telling me not to leave her, she wants me, loves me etc..... It feels like empty words. She was always so honest, but I just don't trust her anymore, but I'm clinging on and don't want to let her go.

Oh well off to work soon, hopefully get my mind off things.

Its day 26 and again I feel strong with no temptation to have a bet. Off to work shortly and had a pretty dull morning. I have to start my training today for my 10k run, so when I come home from work tonight I will go out for a run.

I have got closure fron my ex finally. She sent me a lovely email so we spoke again. She sounded so convincing. I told her we could give it another go, but she had to delete her ex boyfriend from facebook. She told me she didn't want him, but as she has already lied about him I needed her to show me and that would have been a good start. She said she can't delete him because before he dumped her he was a good friend. He was never a friend, he was her boyfriend. So I told her she will regret it, he clearly doesn't want her, but she wont give up on him and I'm not being second best. I desperately wanted her to delete him so I could get it all out my mind and move forwards with her. I'm expecting to see her in a few weeks and expecting her to beg me to take her back, but it wont happen now. She has told too many lies and I'm not being there for her as a back up for whenever she gets closure about him.

Its a shame as I feel a different person and I would love to treat her how I should have treated her before. I would love to make her happy. But she picked having him on facebook over being with me so good luck to her.

So stopping gamblings going well, diets going well, starting training today. These are all positive. Still need to sort out my empty life and lack of friends.

Its day 27 and so far so good. Its my last day of four in work today so I am looking forwards to my day off. I have no bad thoughts today, I will not be gambling today.

Yesterday I finished work and was really hungry for some junk food. I even stopped at the shop on my way home to get some snacks. Fortunately I didn't go in and beat the urge. And when I got home I got changed and went out for my first run. It was so hard after years of laziness, but I have under 8 weeks now till the 10k so I need to train three times a week. The first run is always the hardest, I am lay in bed aching this morning.

So things are becoming more positive. I just need to carry on the good work. I need to try and find something to do for my two days off Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm fed up with the emptiness and boredom!

It's day 28 and my day off work. I enjoyed a lie in and then got my running gear on and went for my second run. I am now aching all over and hobbling around but as they say, no pain no gain! I will feel great when I complete my first run on March 9th. Instead of sitting bored on the sofa I am on my way into town to do some shopping. It's three weeks since payday and my bank balance looks healthy, the old me wouldn't have a penny left after a paydays gambling!

Today will be a test, I asked my mum to draw 150 out for me and I will have to pass lots of bookies. But I feel strong and I will not be tempted! I need a new pair of shoes and a couple of tops. It's refreshing to treat myself, the old me lived in the same clothes for way too long. It's nice to buy fashionable gear.

My diets going well too and I look forward to weighing myself on Friday! Should have lost a few pounds this week. Last night I was looking at flights as I am going to book a cheap long weekend away in March or April. Maybe go and watch a European football match while I'm out there. I will probably go on my own because the one thing I've not fixed is lack of friends, but hopefully this can be sorted in time.

So that's me for today, I will be back later to say shopping went well and I didn't go near a betting shop!

Just a quick update. Finished shopping and met a girl for a few drinks. She was nice, but not really for me. Bought two tops and some shoes. Got money left and didn't even think about having a bet. So all in all a brilliant day and a big pat on the back for myself! Now on the bus home. 🙂

Day 29 and another day without a bet. But it was a very dull and boring day. I nipped out for an hour at lunchtime, but since then have just been sat bored out my skull.

Back in work tomorrow and need to do another run when I wake up.

Not really got much else to say, pretty bored and low, but at least I got through another day!

Day 30 and I am sat waiting to go into work. Pretty dull day and I do feel very bored and empty. But on the positive side no urges to have a bet.

I think whats playing on my mind is that I have a large debt to pay by the end of April and will pretty much have to stay in from now to then and save all my wages to cover it. Going to be a depressing time. The other thing is that my parents think I have no more debts and when I tell them about this my mum especially will be really upset.

I can see light at the end of the tunnel, but it seems so far away! Once my debts are gone I can finally get a car and I can book a holiday, but until then life is grim!

The end of May will be the first time my wages are mostly my own, but to have to stay in from now till then isn't easy!

Should have done a run this morning, but am going to do it after work tonight instead. That's something I need to stick on at.

Oh well 30 days is a long time and I have done really well. If I don't stay on this path I will destroy myself and my life. I have to keep going and beat this illness!

Hi bornagain,

Well done on 30 days of abstinence and you are heading to the right direction.

Paying debts off is not entertaining thing to do, but it is live reminder of the wrong choices we made in the past. As long as you chipping it little by little you are heading to the brighter future. Free of the chains of this addiction and more peaceful and happier with yourself.

Keep making the right choice. The light at the end of the tunnel will get brighter, every day you are walking closer to it.

Don't rush time, give yourself some breathing space and enjoy now and today.

Take care and keep it up

Day at a time

Sandra x

Hey Big Philla!!

Doesn't seem like a minute ago you were saying how you love reporting days free that end in 0 and here you are again! A full month of liberty!

April seems like a lifetime away mate.......however, just think of the independence of a car, the option of a holiday........a new life........a world of guilt free, debt free, worry free opportunity!!! Now that's what I call waiting for!! For me it's another 6 months beyond your big date of April........but I'm loving every single penny I'm putting away now and hitting cards and overdrafts!!!

You could even buy the rovers with all your free cash flow - lol!!! We've played Wigan already this year at Wigan mate - got beat 1-0 - bad one. If you ever fancy a trip down to Forest though mate I'm sure I could fix you up with some hospitality and box seats, maybe do the press conferences and meet the managers afterwards. That could be our 3 month abstinence reward!!! Let me know.

Take care mate and keep it up!!

Mr Brightside