Thanks Sandra and Mr B. And yes Mr B I would definitely be up for that. The last time I was at your place was in the early 90's and I'm sure you beat us 1 nil!
Well its day 31 had a relaxing morning. No bets for me today and shortly I will be off to work. I did another run last night and fortunately today I have not woken up aching all over. I also felt really good doing my run and I am confident I will be able to do this 10k without having to stop for a walk.
Last night in work a few people stopped me to ask me to look up football scores on my phone. One lad had a banker 100 pound treble, said it was easy money! It was down in the first match, I look at things like this now and think that used to me when I was a mug. I'm glad that I no longer do that anymore.
Heres to another day on my road to recovery!
Saturday used to be the big gambling day for me, of course everyday was. But you couldn't beat a Saturday for sport and big races. If theres ever a day I will be at my weakest its a Saturday! However today I feel fine, its day 32 and I will not be having a bet today.
I am in work later, and again its a pretty dull day, but this is all part and parcel of my recovery and in time things will get better. Nice to live an honest life and no longer need to lie. I have had 50 pounds in my wallet left over from shopping last Tuesday and I have not given gambling a second thought. Life can be normal for me and I am certain its going to get better.
I'm really looking forward to my 10k in March and I have been looking for new runs to enter after I have done it. As for my ex we are meant to be meeting next week, but I have no idea what is going to happen. I am still very messed up by her and confused what will happen. Think it would be easier just to cut her out my life, but I can't do it.
Oh well heres to another day without a bet. 32 days without being a loser!
Day 33 and my last day of four in work. Off on Monday and Tuesday so I can't wait to get work out the way today. As per usual I'm sat watching sport on tv waiting for work. I'm due to do another run today which I will be doing when I finish work tonight.
On the gambling front things are going really well. I rarely think about it and I just want to get my life back in order. My debts do play on my mind as to pay them by April I need to save most of my wages. Doesn't help when my ex wants me to start taking her out again. In the past she would always pay because I was skint, I need to pay in the future to show her I have changed!
I will not be gambling today!
Day 34 and a day off work 🙂 It feels great to be sat here and have no urges to bet. I cant get too complacent because one day the urge may come back and I will need to be strong. But for today its good to have no bad thoughts.
I finished work last night and went for my run, it feels good when I have finished my run. I am unfit and I have to push myself hard to stick to my training plan, but I am getting a buzz from it. Maybe I can replace the gambling buzz I used to get with a buzz from running. When I push through the pain it does seem a similar feeling.
Met my ex after work last night, had a chat and a cuddle. She is getting back to her old self, but I'm still not sure if it would be a mistake to get back with her. I regret the past when I was an awful boyfriend and I will always be honest with her from now on and do my best to be supportive and make her happy. However when I got home she called me because she says her phone was not where she left it and she accused me of looking through it. I hadn't touched her phone so it was quite sad that she always thinks the worst of me. I don't know if that will ever change, I hope it will with time. Meant to be taking her out for dinner tonight, so will just see how things go.
Been looking at some new things to try on my days off, come up with a parachute jump, Zipworld Snowdonia and learning to ski in Manchester.
That's me for today, another gamble free day ahead!
Day 35 and meant to be another day off work, but my boss has asked me to do overtime, so I am now about to get ready for work. Another day without any gambling thoughts which is good.
Yesterday I took my ex out for some dinner and we did some shopping. Makes me feel good to show her that I have changed and am a new person. The old me hated shopping as I would usually be thinking of going to a bookies or on my phone catching up on results and scores. I would never have any money to pay for dinner or would be wanting to save what I had for a bet. Made me feel good to pay for dinner last night and also to be really patient while she shopped.
Need to do my run today, so will have to do it after work tonight. I am looking forward to it, I enjoy pushing myself.
Right off to get ready for work then. No bets for me today!
Its day 36 and I am in pain today, my knees are killing from my running. I hope the pain goes down as I am enjoying my plan and I don't want to miss a few days out.
I'm in work later and am currently enjoying the Murray Federer match. Not had any bad thoughts today and can safely say I won't be having a bet today.
It feels strange to have no urges and I am finding it easy to avoid gambling. But I do need to be careful not to be too complacent. I need to keep strong and keep working on myself and making myself a better person.
One thing that does annoy me is the constant adverts for bookies. You just cant get away from it!
Quick one today, as I'm running late for work. Its day 37 and I feel a bit guilty as I was reading an article in the paper about horse racing. I should be avoiding this and so far have done. It wasn't a race card or anything, it was a story about something that happened yesterday, but I shouldn't be reading it.
Anyway I am getting ready for work and on the positive side I can say that I won't be having a bet today. I don't want to be that person that I used to be!
Day 38 and again I am having a dull morning waiting for work. Still no bad thoughts and coming up to payday I have money left in the back from last months pay. I feel good, but the debts I have play on my mind and I just cant wait to be clear of them.
Payday is next Tuesday and I want to treat myself to something nice just to make this all worthwhile. Maybe some new clothes or maybe book a cheap break. The old me would blow a months pay in a day and have a stressful and skint month. This new way of life is so much better. If anyone asks me to do something I no longer need to make an excuse because I cant afford it. Life without gambling is pretty amazing really!
Two more days in work and then I have Sunday and Monday off. Not sure what to do but I need to plan something to keep me busy. Sadly my knees are bad and I had to miss last nights run, I hope they recover by Sunday as I missed the buzz I get from running.
Oh well that's me for today, I wont be gambling today!
Hey bornagain,
Very welldone for continued abstinence and 38 days of freedom is really something you should be proud of 🙂
Treating yourself with something nice will really do good for you and you should just go for something nice.
Recovery brings so much positivity in our lives and we have to be kind to ourselves. The amount of free time and extra pennies in a bank really brings more opportunities to make it happen.
re ur painful knees...yep, i had the same when i started running, and to be fair i still have trouble with one knee now and again. I think it's a lot to do with weayher and i can't wait for the warmer weather to come along, and enjoy running in a sunshine. I've been running for 8 months...not daily but at least 3 times a week. Absolutely love it, the energy and positive thoughts it brings to the mind.
Keep up the good work. Take it easy, even slow walk outside can do wonders.
All the best
Day at a time
Sandra x
Thanks for the message Sandra. I have been running three days a week myself, next due to run on Sunday so I hope my knees better!
Its day 39 and while the days are mounting up I really need to be on my guard. Yesterday whilst in work my mind wandered and I started thinking about a 'foolproof' betting system where I can't lose. The only system that is foolproof is not to gamble and that's the only way I will win. I also had a dream last night about a horse that is running today!
Anyway despite that I wont be betting today, I am chilling out watching sport on tv and have work at 2. Just need to be strong on the bad days like today!
40 days without a bet today and that's a good achievement. 40 days a normal human being. No depression and sinking feeling after losing all my money in a bookies, no lying to people, no letting anyone down!
If I continue on this path I have so much to gain. I can enjoy life and begin living it again. From the age of 16-33 I had no life whatsoever. I have to stay strong and continue on my recovery, I have loads to gain.
Its my day off today and hopefully I can do another run later. My knee still isn't right so I will see how I go. Apart from that I don't have much planned.
Day 41 without a bet and I have no thoughts or urges to gamble today. I am however pretty bored as its my day off and I have no plans.
Last night I ended up going to see my ex. She has begged me and begged me not to give up on her and on us. However I still think she doesn't want me because she is pretty cold with me when we are together. Anyway she needed help with a CV and I went round to help her. Whilst looking on her laptop I couldn't help but have a peek at her history and I saw she had been making a valentines card for the lad she was seeing. He dumped her on boxing day but she is still thinking of him and chasing him. I confronted her and told her I was leaving and asked her not to contact me again. She started crying and begging me not to go and I felt so weak, I couldn't bear to leave her in that state and I ended up staying. Every part of me knows that it is wrong to even consider giving it another go when she still wants someone else but I just cant bring myself to walk away and say no to her.
Its such a shame I didn't change my ways a long time ago as if I had the old her back life would be perfect. But now I have changed and she wants someone else. Just don't understand why she is telling me she wants me and asking me to stay over. Just feels like she wants me as a back up incase she doesn't get her ex boyfriend back and I am worth more than that. But every time I ask her to leave me alone or block her on my phone she just sends me email after email begging me to take her back.
Oh well just got to plod on and concentrate on day to day not gambling. Hopefully at some point other areas of my life will come together. Payday tomorrow and I need to pick what treat to buy for myself!
Hey big guy - sorry it's been a while 🙁
Just read through your last few days - another milestone passed yesterday - days gone that end in a 0 - you've got to love them!!
Challenge tomorrow with pay day mate and with the added pressure of ex's kicking about the guard needs to be well and truly up. You've got the right structure in place but temptation can still be there ma man - but knowing you, the resolve is there to win through. I got paid today and while it's heartbreaking to see my "accountant" paying out a huge chunk of it, to sit and through it with her tonight just strengthens the resolve to keep going.........are you still on track for the end of April to get things balanced? I'm probably another 6 months after that to be out of the woods and be able to look at using my money more wisely, but still feels good to be on the road.
Just a thought, but I might be going to the Forest v Blackpool game at Bloomfield a week on Saturday - would doubt that it will be full bifta hospitality or anything.......the facilities aren't the best there, but are you working? It's the 8th Feb? I'm going to see if one of my mates fancies the trip down, but could always meet you there if you're free and fancy it? Let me know and I'll try to make some arrangements - no guarantees but a thought anyway!!
Keep up the running Mr - how many weeks to your 10k?
Right, onto the ex - what you going to do? I can't make up my mind as to whether it's helping or hindering? Where's your head at? Sounds like d-day is looming for her though!
Enjoy your treat tomorrow mate - you deserve it.
Let me know your thoughts on the footy,
Mr Brightside
aweebitworriedaboutyou.com
Where are you Philla?
Mr Brightside
Its day 44 and I am still going strong. The last two days I have spent either in work or with my ex. I have not had my laptop and didn't have chance to log on with my phone. So fortunately my absence from here has not been because I slipped up!
The last few days have been a blur, its gone so fast and I now have a run of 8 days in work and then 3 days off. Monday night I ended up again staying with my ex and Tuesday morning rushing to get banking done with my mum and get myself to work. I took 100 out my account for myself and paid my bills. Then I was off to work. Tuesday night I stayed with my ex again and she was off Wednesday so I swapped my shift and we went out for the day and then I ended up staying again. She dropped me off at my mums this morning so now I am chilling and relaxing before work.
Its gone really well with my ex this week. We had a great day out yesterday and she is coming out her shell all the time. Im trying just to enjoy it and see what happens. I still think if her ex came back she may go back to him, but if that happens its her loss. I may have been bad in the past, but I have changed my ways and have done a lot for her since boxing day. It does help my recovery to be with her and make her happy, I do feel bad about the past and I am enjoying showing her what the real me is like. Rather then the Phil that was deep under a gambling cloud. She is having it hard in work at the moment and I feel good when she thanks me for cheering her up.
Thanks for the concerns Mr B. My debts will probably take longer than April to clear as I have realised that rather than having no life I am better getting a loan to help me in April. Otherwise I would just have to stay in the house for another 3-4 months which isn't any help. I should be debt free hopefully by the end of the year. As for the football I am off on the 8th so can get up for the game if you are going.
I will not be gambling today!
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