Thanks Rainman. Its day 52 and I feel pretty good. Three days off work and I have had a welcome lie in. Just trying to sort my day out, don't want to waste it.
52 days in and financially I am doing so much better. As a person I am 100% more reliable, I no longer have to let anyone down because I'm skint. I am a nicer person and have more patience. I can see a life ahead of me that is much better than the one I have left behind. Progress day to day may seem slow, and naturally we all want a quick fix, but things are coming together. Another change is that I no longer have to lie to people, its so nice having a clear mind and not having to deceive people I care about.
I still need to sort myself out diet wise and exercise wise. My knee is at last better so I can start running again. but I am way behind my training plan. I will still do my 10k run in March, but I have lots of catching up to do. I also need to get my diet back on track. I lost so much weight before Christmas, but sadly have put some back on. So from Sunday I will start my training again and my healthier diet.
That's me for today. Day 52 is another day where I will not be gambling!
Its day 53 and I have been to the football today with Mr B. Was considering staying over in Blackpool after the game, so took 150 pounds out with me which is the most cash I have had on me since I stopped gambling. Didn't end up staying over, but am now home and despite walking past loads of bookies I wasn't tempted at all. The gambling urge has gone, I am a new man living a new life. Obviously I need to keep my guard up and keep as many barriers in place as possible. One day the urge may come back and when it does I am going to be strong and beat it.
Days like today sum up why this is a better life. Loads of times the old gambling me arranged to go to football matches and had to pull out because I had gambled all my money. The new me doesn't need to lie and miss out on things. I have the money and time to enjoy life.
Day 53 was a great day out and another gamble free day. Tomorrow again I will not be gambling!
Thanks for the message Julie, means a lot to me. I am now in day 55 and I really missed this place yesterday.
Only a quick message today as I am in a rush for work. But things are going really well, yesterday was a quiet day but another day where I didn't think about gambling.
Every Monday when I get to work I hear all the bad luck stories from the gamblers in work. Some even try to show me their betting slips. I don't look and try not to listen. No doubt today loads will be saying this team or this horse cost them a few hundred. That used to be me, but no more bad luck stories for me, no more lies, no more dark days. I won this weekend because I didn't gamble.
Right off to get ready for work, I wont be gambling today!
Day 56 and quite a big day for me. If you had read any earlier posts you would know my head was all over the place with regards to my ex girlfriend. My instincts were telling me not to trust her and to cut her out my life, but my heart wanted to be with her and wanted to make up for the hurt I had caused her whilst I was gambling.
Today I found out she has sent her ex a Valentines card. I have spent the past few weeks begging her to remove him from Facebook. She kept telling me she loved me and wanted me but wouldn't remove him. I feel a fool for all the effort and time I have spent on her. All day yesterday she spent emailing me and begging me to give her another chance. I don't actually feel that upset, I feel relieved that my instincts were right and now I have closure from her and can move on without thinking what if.
The old me would go from a crisis straight to the bookies. The new me isn't going anywhere near. Today I will not be gambling!
Day 57 brings one more day in work and then a day off tomorrow. Cant wait to get today done and relax tomorrow. Feel good today, tired and a little stressed, but generally good. I think the longest I have previously done without a bet is 10 weeks, however this time round I feel so much better and more positive that I am dealing with my problem.
Only a quick entry today as I am running late for work. Today I will not be gambling.
Hey mate - sorry for being quiet the last couple of days - work is major hectic and tbh I've been a bit bugged by the forum since it came back up on Monday. Been in and out on occasions and said what I feel is appropriate but the old gambling me would have been a lot more forthright with views - lol!! Maybe the counseling is working and I'm less angry with life or alternatively I'm just get older!!
Hope work has been quick for you today and that you can de-stress and maybe get a run in tomorrow.
Hope that things have settled down a bit with the ex - must have been a blow finding that out, but at least you can move on guilt free knowing that the old you has gone, the new you can look in the mirror and know you tried your hardest and that you are not in the wrong in any way this time around. Possibly closure on it and invest your time in the new you..........and absolutely no doubt in my mind that you'll find the one with no baggage in tow of Phil the gambler - now that's an exciting thought.
Take care mate - it'll soon be a day ending with a 0 again!!!
Mr B
Day 58 and should be my first of two days off work, but sadly they need me in tomorrow. So just the one day off for me this week. Up to now I have been enjoying the Winter Olympics and shortly I need to nip out and do some shopping. Tonight I am off to the rugby, I follow St Helens and its our first game of the season. If I was still gambling I wouldn't have had the money to go tonight and would have had to miss out. So yet another sign of how things are getting better for me.
I do feel a totally different person, I have no temptation to bet and all the barriers I have in place are working. I know I have to keep my guard up as I am only ever one day away from my next bet, but I feel if the temptation came back I could deal with it.
No bets for me today and day 60 isn't far away!
Its day 59 and I feel good. Last night was brilliant, Saints won 38-8 against our big rivals in a game that should have been close. I would have been gutted if I had stayed in and watched in on telly, its so much better being there. Going to get to a load more games this season, too many times in the past I have missed out because I gambled all my money. It was also nice to watch the game without any money running on it and just enjoy the game. I remember one Wembley final we had a few years ago and I ruined the game because I had us to win by a certain amount of points and instead of enjoying the game and the win I spent most of the game worried about my bet coming in. This new life of mine is so much better in so many ways!
Now I have a run of 5 days in work before I'm off again which I'm not looking forward to. I desperately need a holiday, I need to book something soon. I cant wait to get all my debts paid off as once I do I really will be able to enjoy life a lot more. Theres a fair few dream destinations that I want to visit and my new life without gambling means I will in time be able to visit them.
One thing in the future that is going to be hard for me is a certain big racing festival in March. A few sports websites that I read have had links to articles about it which I ignore. But its going to get more and more in the news leading up to it and the least I know about it the better. I need a plan of action for that week. I'm certain I will be strong and not gamble, but as its in the news so much I need to make sure I don't get any bad thoughts.
That's me for today, I will not be gambling today!
Hi mate,
Well done on making the right decisions, and getting to go to watch the game live is such a better experience than watching it on television. I also think live sport trumps the visual experience hands down.(As a Welshman, I feel obliged to point out it is not really rugby! 😉 ). Hope it proves to be a great motivation to continue with the great progress you're making.
I've also got a challenging period coming up in March, one that has caught me out before. As we know when the toughest times for us are going to be, then it makes sense to prepare. Getting that plan of action in place will help you to get through it, because you've shown that you've got the strength to beat this. I'm
All the best
Ryan
Hey Phil
As I write the shift will be finished!! 4 more to go mate.
The rugby sounds good - not a big fan myself but appreciating sports more and more now without betting.
Big weekend for the Reds - both sets of them - an hour after my reds kick off on Sunday, my dad's reds will be in action!! When is the big meet in March? If you want to get away for a few days and take your mind off it then you're more than welcome up here?
It's been a weird week eh? Still a bit of tension around the place. We can only do what we can do though.
Take care and..........let me be the first to congratulate you on the big 6-0!!!
Mr B
Thanks Ryan and MR B. I'm not sure exactly when the date of the big meet is but thanks for the offer mate. I certainly do need to look into it and plan something to keep my mind occupied. If I'm off work I might take you up on the offer.
Its day 60 today, feels so good to be here and have found a place to talk about my issues with people who understand and can help and inspire me to beat my illness. I am a new person and I am going to beat this.
Have just spent the morning with an old friend and talking over old memories and brought back a few good memories of happy times before I gambled. I told him all about my addiction and my journey and he was very understanding and supportive. It feels good to be able to talk about things as too many times in the past I kept things to myself.
Off to work shortly and have a stressful day ahead, but its a good day because its day 60 and today I will not be gambling!
61 days free of this horrible addiction. And quite honestly I have not really had any huge urges to gamble which is clearly good but also slightly worrying. I do fear the day the urge comes back and I have to fight it. I want to continue like this for the rest of my life without the urge to gamble, but I need to keep my guard up and not get complacent.
Yesterday in work a lad asked me if I knew any racing results. He knows I have given up, I told him no and I'm not looking on my phone as I don't want to see any results. He then went on to tell me the horse he had backed and asked me if I had backed it in the past and did I think it was a good horse. I was pretty annoyed, one of my barriers is avoiding any knowledge of race meetings or horses that are running. This just sums up how bad the big meetings in March and April will be. It will be tough to go to work and avoid hearing about it.
Need to get ready for work now. I will not be gambling today. This life is far better than my old life.
Day 62 and only two more shifts in work before I get a much needed two days off. I was thinking last night about breaking through the 60 days mark. Its such a long time since I last gambled and I am really proud of myself. Not so long ago I was unable to do anything but gamble my money, and now I am able to walk past countless bookies without being tempted. I am now in a good place and need to keep my barriers in place and continue to concentrate on enjoying life!
Just a quick post today, need to get a few things done before work. Today I wont be gambling!
9 weeks without a bet, day 63 and it seems a long time now since my last bet. Gone are the horrible shifts in work where I am watching racing on my phone or waiting on results. Gone is the madness of chasing my losses or winning large amounts of money and having sleepless nights unable to stop until I have gambled it all away. Gone are the lies and deception. Gone is the lack of respect people had towards me as a gambler. My life was ruled by gambling, the sleepless nights it caused, every payday straight into a bookies at 11am and there until it closed at 9.30pm or until I had wasted a months wages. Then the horrible empty feeling having blown all my money. The lies and hurt to people that cared about me, pushing them away and giving them sleepless nights.
9 weeks ago that was my life or existence. Now everything has changed. I am the person I was aged 16 before this addiction took hold of me. I don't have to hear my mum crying herself to sleep at night anymore. I have a caring nature again and was able to do so much for my ex girlfriend. Show her I wasn't the horrible person she knew for too long. I have money in the bank and I have bought new clothes, socialised with people, gone to the rugby again, done normal things that gambling deprived me of. So much achieved in 9 weeks. So much more to look forward to.
If anyone is reading this who is just starting a recovery diary, the first days are hard but stick at it because its worth it. We can all have our lives back.
9 weeks today and I will not be gambling today. I am a better person now and I am going to remain that person.
Day 64 today, much needed day off work, not sure what to do with myself today. Currently catching up on the Winter Olympics. Might do a little shopping later and think I'm meeting a friend tonight for a few drinks.
I'm feeling really good, no bad thoughts at all. I feel I could walk past 100 bookies without being tempted. Just want to leave that horrible part of my life behind me. No more days in a dark and dingey bookies chasing my losses.
Just a quick post today, not really much else going on.
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