Hi all,
I have been writing my thoughts/feelings onto the members intro and today i am going to start my recovery diary.
Day two of no gambling. A small achievement to most but sadly this is the first time in over two years i have gone more than 24hrs and not gambled so to me it means progress of some sort. I have no urges to gamble at the moment, but i know in time the urges will come. The remorse is at an all time high as i can see clearer than ever the financial and emotional damage i have caused myself and those around me. It is this clarity i have been avoiding in the hope that just one more spin/bet will solve all my problems.
I went to my first counselling session yesterday. To be honest i wasn't holding out to much hope, i have attended counselling previously for another issue a number of years ago and never thought much of it. Yesterday though, i was surprised just how much i did open up about everything and how motivated it has left me feeling. The session opened up a lot of emotions surrounding the relationship i am in (if you can call it that) and the way that has left me feeling and i guess behaving. I am not using that as an excuse and i take full responsiblity for my actions but i think it is a big reason as to why this may have begun.
I think if i am honest with myself my lifestyle at the moment (two young children under 5) i am at home alone a lot, this is leaving me increasingly bored and frustrated. Whilst i watch my husband go out to work each day chat to people on the phone i know for me its another day of pooey nappies and tantrums. Its almost as if me and my husband live two different lives and our communication needs to improve if i am to win this battle.
I think i have become very bored and unchallenged in my day to day. Gambling has been the excitement i have craved that i could not find in any other part of my life. I wish i had found another outlet that was less damaging but unfortunately gambling has been my crutch for a very long time.
I feel very emotional and the tears are still flowing strong though i am feeling motivated to kick this habbit today. I am taking one day at a time and try not to think to far ahead of that.
My husband has installed a blocker on my computer so that i cannot access any gambling. Even switching this laptop on today to write this diary gets the feelings started. I think this barrier will be a good thing as it almost feels like the control has been taken away from me, a step i should of taken a while ago.
Thank you for all your support the advice i have received on here i have read time and time again and cannot thank you enough. Keep strong, remain strong. We can do this together.
SoSad xx
Yo,
Good on you , for taking the first steps .
Life will improve and that will get you to a point that you can find the strength to address your relationship home life .
Today though be kind to you , what you are doing is hard , be proud of yourself for taking positive steps .
Take care
Shiny xxxx
Hi SoSad I can defineately relate to a lot of things you've said. I too have 2 young childen, 11 month old and 3 yr old. Bordom always played a big part of my gambling too, havent had a great relationship with my life, and have found it tough work adapting to being a dad it s overwhelmed me , resulting in alcohol and gambling. diarys are good ideas and keep up the counselling , its good to talk, Communication is huge in relationships so tell him how you feel, Im one to talk as i dont communicate well but it needs to improve. all the best, Gavin.
Well done on your first post, its brave to be so open and type out how you feel. The road to recovery isn't easy, but you have made the first steps. I wasted 17 years of my life gambling and life without it is so much better. Stick at it and day by day things will get better. Phil
Hi SS
Not sure about So Sad I think Glad would be better suited. So Glad you have decided to kick this addiction into touch. You are not a victim in your world of gambling, you are now a survivor of your gambling episode. You have been through a tough time and now you can start to address why it is you were so sad. Turn your life around from here on in. It isn't tough, granted, but well worth it once the red mist clears. Speak with Netline too and get a few things off your chest. I hope you stsy here and read and post as much as you need to.
Take care
Hi SoSad
Nice to see that you have set up your diary. Try to stay positive - you have done a big thing and faced your gambling head on now. It you stay committed, things will definitely get better for you. This will then also give you more time and space to think about and address other things in your life.
Take care and remain strong.
Feb.
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