dazed one

Good Morning Carla

Keep posting Carla.

I know that feeling well of shame and humiliation. But hai ho Carla you've got the strength in abundance to keep fighting on.

This S***e adiction just strips us bare after deluding us that this time will be different but never is and never will be. So hard to fathom, as we know if we do win, its only temporary and will eventually suck us back in. A complete lose/ lose.

Can relate to you Carla and willing you on, and dragging you back on to this bath of recovery. Eat well, keep busy, see friends and keep out the head space. We fall down and we get up, that defines us as strong peolpe.

Strength.

Paul

Hi Carla... I relate all too well to what you describe. Well done for coming here and being honest. Honesty is a big part of recovery. You could of thought sod it and fully immersed yourself back into your gambling world and forgot about this place for a few months, but you didn't. That's progress.

Dust yourself down. Pick yourself up.... regards... S.A 🙂

Hi Carla

Was just checking in to see how you are and very sorry to read your latest post 🙁 no one hear is judgjng you, i cuold write a book on my slip ups ! but its like my friend once said to me, even if we win, all that we win is betting tokens ! so we have to realise we just cannot gamble, that is it !!!!!! people like you and me have a sickness, we have to accept it. Take care Carla , i am thinking of you and hoping you can move on. Dark Place x

Hi there, sorry to hear your latest post... A similar situation to me, but as others have said we just have to dust ourselves off and start again. Well done for coming back and being honest - it is hard to do but we WILL get there. X

#$#%$!! Just wrote a very long post and accidentally deleted it. Don't have the energy to do it again... maybe later.

Yesterday was another couch day. I continue to want to avoid feeling or dealing with anything. Wasting beautiful days. I didn't go to my support meeting last night. My excuse was that there was a cycling race on and it would be too hard to get there but I know I should have made the effort anyway. When I sorted papers a few days ago, I came across a letter from the bank asking me to deal with an overdraft. I hadn't even opened the letter. As of today, that overdrawn amount is much, much worse. I must call them today and tell them it will be taken care of by the end of the month... and same with credit cards which I can't pay either. That will buy me a bit of time and I have an appointment next week to sign on to the debt management program. There is also a fellow interested in my scooter, albeit at a ridiculously low price, but I have no choice. I must force myself to deal with these things. As if hiding away on the couch all day makes these problems go away......!

Yesterday was a reasonable... almost good day. I called the bank and explained that it was going to get worse before it gets better. I explained that the arrears would be cleared up at the end of the month. By then, I should be signed on to the debt management program. I didn't call the credit card companies as the min payment isn't due for a bit. I called the guy who was interested in my scooter (at one hell of a deal) but he said he found another. Wish I would have sold it to him when I had the chance. The good part of the day was that I didn't spend it on the couch. I did some yard work (very neglected for a long time) and though I didn't finish, I felt like I accomplished something. I have a bit of cash which will just barely get me through this month. I kept reminding myself of that and how humiliated I would feel if I had to go to the food bank. I will try to do more yardwork today. Wishing everyone strength as they battle their demons.

Good Morning Carla..

OK, heres to another reasonably good day. Its a jungle out there sometimes so no better place than starting in that yard of yours. We cant stop this world spinning, neither can we get off. So just got to roll with it and take 1 step at a time, yet keep looking forward as we avoid any more pot holes..

Keep it up

Hello Carla

Simple things in life are some of the best therapy for stopping gambling, getting away from that need of a buzz all the time. Keep up the sobriety, its a better place to be Dark Place

Thanks DP and Paul. You're right in that it is good to be busy. My hands are cracked and dry (should wear gardening gloves but I don't unless I see a slug- killed lots of those.... ewwwww) but I'll have at it again today. Almost finished one little area and I watched in fascination and excitement as a decrepit old house across the street was torn down. Though my level of anxiety remains high almost always, I do find that I get some relief doing something physical.

HI Carla,

Well done on tackling those things, Just keep setting yourself small manageble targets each day to cross one thing off your list. The sooner you deal with them the quicker you can make arrangements to pay etc.

I think when i did it it was almost like a form of self torture, I would put myself in this state of constant worry by not dealing with things, debt etc and the thoughts and then the actually dealing with it were no where near as bad as i had imagined.

Small steps, keep going you will get there.

take care

blondie x

Hi Carla

All going, well thanks for asking. long may it continue and the same for you and everyone else.

Dark Place

Hi Carla just read your thread and can relate to alot of your story. Its amazing how simple things can feel so enjoyable gardening going for a jog etc! It can be such a release....

Also one point of note our problem is GAMBLING... the debt and financial crisis is a direct consequence of the problem... unless we deal with the core issue the result i.e debt will not be resolved! Eliminate the problem and the results will improve!

I wish you every success in your journey!

Thanks, everyone. Yes, Blondie... it's definitely worse to avoid matters rather than deal with them. I seem to do that a lot, though, I never used to be that way. And Bobby, I think I have an abundance of "core issues" to sort out. First I have to tackle the addictions or should I say, avoid certain substances so that I can gain some clarity in my head to be able to start tackling the core issues. Spent the day yesterday gardening again. Wore gloves this time and what a difference. So ridiculous that I don't do things which are good for me and do things which aren't. Another day or two and my one weedy patch will be done, however, there's rain in the forecast today so I made some plans to socialize, which I don't do nearly enough of. Friend coming for breakfast today (thankfully, eggs are cheap) and going for a birthday celebration tonight. And here's a first.... I didn't have ANY alcohol yesterday. Sending positive energy and healing vibes out to all today.

Had another decent day yesterday. Made a to-die-for watermelon salad for a birthday party which was an enormous hit. Didn't cost much as I had all the ingredients except for the melon. Silly that I've isolated myself so much and become such a couch potatoe when I really do feel better socializing and being busy. I guess that's the head space addictions put us into. Another rainy day today. Maybe I'll tackle some of the dust bunnies inside.